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Pop the Champagne! It's Celebration Time!

August 19, 2009

As I mentioned yesterday, I picked up 100 followers last Thursday. Now, for some strange reason, I always held at the back of my mind that, if I ever managed to get 100 followers, I'd quit. I don't know why. Some sort of stupid auto-response to the delusions of grandeur telling me I'm popular--too popular.

But then I thought, hey, these people take the time out of their daily lives to come and look at the pictures of half-naked women read the long and wordy and oftentimes winding diatribes you post on a somewhat daily basis. And for what? A grin? A chuckle? A chance to make fun of the size of my penis? To find out what you've cum on today? Any one of these might be reward enough.

However, I decided that it was time that I gave something back...I mean, aside from embarrassing stories from puberty and beyond. Much like those so-called "Fan Appreciation" scams they run at ballparks--I mean, seriously, they bring you in, they still charge you for your ticket, for your hot dog, make you sit in your seat and then arrest you for trying to solicit sexual favors from the ballgirl...not very appreciative, if you ask me--I'm going to do a little Fan Follower Appreciation for my first 100 followers. Sorry, Jeney, you may be hot and have excellent taste in college football teams, and sorry, 102, you aren't hot like Jeney and I'm not sure you even like college football...where was I going with this? Who knows, let's just get to the part where I shamelessly flirt thank you for being a friend.

Who the hell invited Betty White?

Gwen: You were the first person who followed me. I logged in one day and had that friendly little green icon saying that I had one follower. Awesome. That meant you liked me. And that means, through the associative property, that I am a carcinogen.

Kate: You don't mind that my friendship with your husband makes me forget if I'm straight or not. You also bought me a shirt once. And I still wear it. Thanks.

ApocalypsE: You're a pretty cool cat from the Subcontinent. Don't let the rainy season get you down. Also...what the hell man? The Patriots? Seriously? Come on. Well, at least it's not the Cowboys.

Chemgeek: One of my oldest blogging buddies. Your blog is like a perfect mixture of things I like: chemistry, beer, brewing, and making fun of teams from Minnesota. Also, I apologize about the time I was trying to make a Spongebob reference and insulted you with the whole shaved versus bald thing. His head, people. Jesus. We know he shaves elsewhere.

Lisa: You, two too are one of my oldest blogging buddies. We met when there was a monster outside your front door, holding you hostage in your own house, and the cats ran and hid rather than go all Siegfried and Roy on that bug's carapace. I cried a little when Budd E. Phat had to give up the good fight. Your kind heart and massive gonzagas have been constants around here for a long time. I wouldn't have it any other way.

~E: How's that grad school thing working out? Ready to open your veins yet? Give it time, give it time...Anyway, your video blogging is not nearly as boring as you make it out to be. Okay, I lied. I'm not THAT interested in applying make-up. But, I do watch. I might zone a little bit, but I do watch. Honest. Also, you totally earned that recognition in the South African version of Cosmopolitan.

Will: How's that grad school thing working out? Ready to open your veins yet? You were the inspiration for me to get this thing off the ground. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep things serious and well-grounded in reality like you do with your site. However, I've grilled a hat with you while topless. I think that explains a lot.

The Supreme One: I have no idea who you are or what you do. I'm going to pretend that you are Diana Ross. I also will pretend that you like fruity desserts with lots of whipped cream. If both are true, you're the reason I'm blogging. Thank you for reading, or at least signing up to follow.

Jon: Despite the fact that you like the Red Sox (and that I cannot offer any rational reason why I despise them so), I still like to think we're friends. Or enough of friends that you won't slam a brick into the back of my skull like your co-worker did to that disease-ridden rat you found out by the loading dock after lunch one day. Holy fuckshit, man, that story had me in tears.

Mike: So, take the shit I said about the Sawx in your brother's blurb and repeat it here. Cool? Okay. I hope little Caleb Jordan is settling into a routine (I'm sorry, I had to look up his name). Also, I hope the new house is a lot kinder to you than my house has been to me. Stupid Lowes people...

Shupe: I'm not really sure if you come around much anymore, but I hope that things in Utah are treating you well and that you and the kids are having a good time out there. I also hope you found a job. I like a lot of the songs you have loaded into the mp3 player on your site, too. This is a rarity, it seems.

Lydia: Another fine Utah resident, who also doesn't come around nearly as often as I'd like. Here's to hoping that you're getting that sleeping routine down and that you can enjoy full nights of sleep. I will never, ever, EVER be able to get that picture of the flies on the lady's ass out of my mind. Ever.

Mathdude: Why have so many of my early followers gone into remission. Fortunately, you and your Twelve Shades of Awesome Blog show up in my reader every so often. You are, as far as I know, the only somewhat active NC blogger in our little circle, which means something. I don't know. Sorry about the Cardinals, again. The rest of your sports teams can go piss up a rope.

Fancy Schmancy: I find it a touch odd that I have more people from the Boston area reading my blog than the New York area. I don't know why that struck a chord with me while I was thinking of you. And by "Boston Area" I mean New England and Baltimore. Because they're connected. You laid yourself out before all of us earlier in the year with a couple of different topics, and, wow, was that gutsy. Sure, it's one thing to talk about spanking to your dad's Playboys; it's quite another to talk about some of the things you did, my friend. And I salute you for it. Plus, your comments are usually pretty damned funny.

Alex Galvez: A man from Illinois who has gone around the world several times and landed in Hawaii (I believe you to be my only Hawaii reader), you, too, have fallen silent in recent weeks. Your little blurb in your profile alone speaks of a millions stories left untold.

H: Is it wrong that the thing I remember about you is that little story MelO told about you and the glory hole in St. Louis? Yes, it probably is, but I can't help but chuckle every time I think about it. You're the second coolest Hippy I can think of (the first being my duo partner on the college speech team).

Pere Callahan: You may just be some strange Irish priest in France stalker type, but I thank you for following nonetheless.

Alaina: For a while, your daily little quiz results really helped me spice my blog up and waste time keep the mental juices flowing while I was at my desk--the desk you inspired me to clean up! The picture of the rafter of turkeys still comes to mind when I think of your site, along with the house you worked to repair this past summer. A house you don't even live in! See, because I live in my house is awesome.

Holly: The last I knew, O was still loving him some Brett Favre. Of course, that's back before Favre became dead to me. I hope that you and O are still filling each other's lives with joy and happiness. And be careful of the icy bridges in the winter. Yeesh.

Susan: I'll admit it. I clicked on your icon once because I thought, "Hey, she's pretty." Then, I discovered a blog written by a woman who swears nearly as much as I do, who drinks like I want to, and who unabashedly loves her children, both her own and her husband's kids. Also, you like making fun of your husband's ex-wife by posting pictures of ladders and cushions and stuff left out in the rain, and that amuses me. Plus, you've been to Scoturn, PA. It's funny because it looks like Scrotum. Heh.

Ms. Florida Transplant: Like so many others, you've passed on into another, non-bloggy phase of your life, leaving us behind. I certainly hope that you graduated from school, that your boys are still healthy, that you didn't get eaten by sharks on vacation, and that you're driving into the heart of the country. *shifty-eyed* Or something...

Normalize Breastfeeding: The tag "I make milk, what is your superpower?" has to be one of the best titles for a blog. Ever. Your little one-liners are thought-provoking and clever. Plus, you're one of Joel's friends, so you have to be good people.

Candy: Another Bostonite, and she loves her some local teams. Including the dreaded and hated bastard child of the ACC, the OTHER Catholic school. And though I give you shit about this all the time you take it in stride and then BC goes out and kicks ND's ass...again. I still love how your mom is one of TJ Maxx's favorite people. Thanks for appeasing my foot fetish from time to time.

Dr Zibbs: You and your blue yak have sent countless other readers my way. Thank you for that. Also, what did you ever do with that snake you caught in the bucket? That thing was fucking creepy. Also, why does your website try to sell me Catholic stuff every time I'm there? Just curious. Thanks.

Sassy Britches: I like your little rooms with their one wall painted white. I also like the pastoral images you post from around your house. And, if certain other bloggers are to be believed, then you fill out a pair of Umbros like no other. Your little stories about down state Illinois and ventures into Southern Indiana make me think of home, and I appreciate that, a lot. No, really. And it's not just the foot fetish talking. Dammit, there my idiot brain goes again! Sorry I killed your fish your fish is dangerously close to taking a ride on the flushmaster 2000 express.

babette: Merci beaucoup pour lire mon blog. J'espere que tu vas etre riche comme mes reves doux. Aussi, je suis desole que je n'epale pas les mots francais avec tous les accents.

TishTash: I imagine your telephone booth to be full of awesome and shoes. What? It doesn't make much sense to me, either. Also, sorry I got sick and dropped the ball on the whole guest blogging thing. Forgive me? No, I wouldn't either. Wow. Whoa. That's a little harsh don't you think--no, no, you're right. I totally deserve to be raped by goats and have my nuts curb stomped by a rhinoceros.

Simon: Damn you, man. You pop in and out of my life, back and forth. At least you'll be in the same time zone (not to mention, the same continent) soon enough so that maybe we can catch up a little more. And, of course, that whole getting together for a drink thing. Where is Toronto? Remember, I'm an American and I totally don't know geography (it's in Michigan, right?).

Falwless: I really miss the caption contests and how Beckeye would say my caption wasn't funny and then think I was a woman. Okay, that happened once, but you have to admit, it was a good caption. Terribly wrong, but good nonetheless. You're another NC blogger who has gone into retirement or just vanished or something. Happy belated birthday.

Emanobop: You're right, Tauri are cool. Although you lost some points with that whole Twilight thing. And, no, you don't have bug toes. Also, if I ever get my book published, I'll send you a copy...I'll even sign it if you lay off the Twilight crap.

The Ex-: Jesus, you scared me when you first came around. I thought you were the Ex-, as in the Ex- girlfriend that I guest posted about at your place. I hope the career change works out well for you. I sometimes will fantasize about picking up and moving away from a familiar place and setting down somewhere totally foreign, kind of like what you did. I hope that we can reconnect some more. You're a good friend...even if you don't like West Effin Virginia.

Pearl: I wish I had the tenacity you did, my friend. I wish I could post every day for five thousand days straight. Or whatever you're up to. I mean, I could, I just don't. You always have a good little story, and Mary seems like my kind of gal, too. Plus, I don't think I would take hours being cut and mandatory vacations with the aplomb that you have managed to muster. Someday, I'll take you up on that coffee offer.

Johnny the Comedian: How's the act forming up? I'm hoping it's going great. You've been absent from the blogosphere, as well, so I can only imagine that you got some good stuff together and that you're touring. If you're ever in the Raleigh-Durham area, drop me a line and I'll try to come support you.

Tinkalicious: You've never commented here, and every time I try to leave a comment at your place, it never makes it through. Regardless, the name Tinkalicious is cool (I like combining nouns with delicious to make new words) and your avatar is a little racy, a little cute. You make things around here Followicious.

Ellie Great: You, too, don't comment here, and my comments at your place have disappeared. Anyway, thanks for coming around at least once and deciding to follow.

Amy Kate: Another silent follower. You seem to follow a lot of family-based blogs, so I appreciate that you like hanging out here where things aren't quite so G-rated. Thanks for coming by.

Mr Rush: I kind of stopped reading you after you knocked Watchmen with the same "Where is Dr. Manhattan's underwear" line that EVERYONE else in the world used. It's symbolism, dude. But, you've been here and commented more than some of the above, so I thank you. Plus, I think your review of Wolverine was spot on: So bad, it wasn't worthy of review.

arjun: Another of the silent folk. You take some nice pictures and your English captions are actually kind of funny. Plus, you live near Pune, which is funny, given the little post I wrote about the word "poon" once. Also, you make me feel a little bad by deciding that the Indians are my first target whenever I play Civilization III. That is, until they move in and start taking over my saltpeter fields.

Kim: Again, another silent follower, but I appreciate your following me. Hope everything is shaking out like you planned. Have a nice summer! See you next fall!

Lisa Breitfeld: It's been a while since you updated. Your little one liners were clever and witty, and I liked how you focused on the sex. And you mentioned porn a lot. Always good for laughs, those two.

Phatmama: You went in for some tests, and then we didn't hear from you ever again. I'm hoping that things are okay with you, and if not, that you make a quick and full recovery and rejoin us here on the internets. Also, I hope you wore matching shoes to your doctor's appointment.

Paul: I'm assuming you're a hold over from YouThink. I seem to remember someone there going by the moniker of "Tazwert". At first, I thought you were someone else. Glad that you liked my Watchmen review. Hope things are good for you up in Minnesota. By the way, I have a lot of followers from the upper Great Lakes region. It's one of my favorite places in the world.

Cowguy: What's to say here? I could praise how awesome you are, but you already know that. Still. It's not everyday that I meet someone who actually owns 52 watt light bubs. You've got a great wife, beautiful children, and if I put a piece of wood in your hands, you can turn it into a thing of beauty. If I put a piece of wodd in my hands, then we get another Thursday post. I salute you and your cow breeding, mailbox eviscerating, Americana banding, life twittering site.

CoolRed38: Lady, you have shown me a part of the world that I've only heard about when we go to war or when I'm trying to impress my friends with my geography knowledge. You've given me glimpses into another culture. I know a lot of your stories weren't easy to read--that must have made them even more difficult to write and far worse to live through. And yet, you still maintain a snarky, sarcastic, acerbic wit and humor that I applaud. Thank you. And your avatar is badass.

Joel: I'm glad that you were able to figure out where to find me. I had searched for my long lost buddy from the fifth grade, as well, and came up without fruit. Also, glad you could decipher the opening lines on my profile. I guess all that spam I get all the time from them paid off. The next time I'm anywhere near the midwest, we'll have to at least try to get together. Oh, and I promise you, I'll send you a Christmas card this year. Scout's honor.

Anna R: Aye, my favorite Scottish lass since Murron MacClannough wandered through the crowd prior to Wallace's drawing and quartering. Please get your laptop fixed soon. I liked reading your blog, not just for the pictures, but for the content. Plus, you taught me that it's okay to use the word "cunt".

Chaka: I wasn't sure what to expect when the monkey-boy from Land of the Lost started coming around. Fortunately, I found that I should look past the furry face, semi-opposable thumb, and the predilection for flinging poo. I'm kidding, of course. I like the poo-flinging. I also like your candid look into life, family, and tree-cutting. I still haven't gone at the stump in my side yard with a hacksaw yet. Mostly's hot here in the summer. Yeah, we'll go with that.

MelO: *bawls* Please come back to us, MelO! Tell us about the John Deere car driving down the interstate. Tell us about the guys jerking off in the trucks behind you while you are vacuuming out your car. Tell us about spilling your coffee all over yourself. You don't even have to post pictures. Just come back.

Sass: Well, if I can't have MelO back, at least I can have Sass. Your birthday is the same day as the Brewing Optometrist's, and though we've never torn through Bluffton with a dead clown's head on my lap, I still have a feeling we'd raise plenty of hell. Not to mention, your boobs apparently like to flop every which way whenever you play kickball or kickback or kicksies or whatever the hell it was. I couldn't bother paying attention. There was too much movement going on. Like Pearl, someday I'll take you up on that coffee offer.

Mary: When you likened Nadya Octomadrewhat'sherface's womb to a clown car, I about lost it. I'm hoping you land on your feet soon. Like many others, you have lovely children and when I read about their exploits, I can't help but think of myself in five years when my kids will going through the same thing. Wow. You're a window into the future. Hopefully I can come up with clever metaphors for various people's reproductive parts, too.

Beckeye: I'm still all man, my dear. Oh, hey, I have some McDonalds that I'll exchange for some favors. Ha! Like that would happen after I shat upon your team during the Super Bowl. Oh well, you got the last laugh (and five others) on that one, didn't you? If I run into Bill Cowher down here, I'll send him your love.

Miss Amy: So, do we have to change your name now that you've been newly married? I hope all your stuff made it through the move safely and that you're getting settled in nicely. When that happens, drop us a line and let us know how you're doing.

Nikki: You've taken us on quite a roller coaster ride of emotions, both happy and sad. And, you've taught us that driving in Denver during rush hour is dangerous and that Oklahoma can be fun, and that you can be a damned fine cook when you want or need to. Also, we can't wait for your story about the supply closet at work. Wait, I'm not the only one waiting impatiently, right?

Nej: To be honest, I wasn't sure what to think when I first popped over to your place. For some reason, I kept thinking of "Mott the Hoople and the Game of Life" Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I quickly learned not to ever get drunk and be loud anywhere near your campsite, that not everyone from Iowa is Bill Bryson, and that, as much fun as a Korean bathhouse might sound, it's really not as advertised. Glad you didn't get sold into slavery. Hop Mot doesn't hurt his fist when he punches out the next printer.

Kimizzy: Curse the real world for pressing in on you and taking you away from us. I realize you're still around in a limited fashion, but you're also busy doing stuff with your artwork. Fine. Live the dream, Kimizzy, so that maybe all of the rest of us bloggers who fancy ourselves to be artists or writers can live vicariously through you. Oh, hey, how's the new iBoyfriend?

Obnoxious SAHM: I like Christmas, too. I'm not dedicated enough to put on a display like that. Also, I blame you on any fish-related deaths that might be attributed to me. Just sayin'. Good luck with that school supply shopping. If you want a hint from me (stop laughing, please, I'm trying to help), go earlier. Both my kids are in year-round school now, and so that takes a lot of stress off the school supply buying. Hopefully your school is less like ours and you don't have to do most of the work at home.

AimlessAndroid: I'm still thinking about getting a pop-up camper for trips with just me and kids, though the wife and I are thinking about a trip to the mountains next summer for some rest and relaxation. So, we might go full out then. Or just rent a cabin. There's bears in the mountains. I hope that you remember that Labor Day is a day off and that you can relax. Also...I've never been so turned on by a butter box before in my life. Maybe we can use that to fry up some ungions.

Snarky A: Like so many others, you've taken me on an emotional ride the past few months. I'm glad to see that you're back in the swing of things, at least blogging-wise. I know it's tough, but I admire you for your strength and willingness to stay by Hubby's side. I hope that he makes a full recovery and that you can get back to your lives. Congrats once again on the citizenship.

Missy: I love how you mix in stories of your life with your kids and your extended family along with funny lists, strange pictures and funny quips. You remind me a lot of a couple of friends of mine at work, which is a good thing, because they're quite alright, themselves. Keep the funny coming, and I'll try to not insult Bumblefucky Kentucky quite so much in the future.

Margo: Instead of knocking Bumblefucky Kentucky, I'll focus my insults on South Carolina. I kid, I kid. But, seriously, what's with the mustard-based barbecue sauce? Ugh. Your little home is beautiful and you weave a good story. Plus, I'm a bit green because you get to live on the beach (though with hurricane season here, maybe not so much) and because you just got back from France. And some day, I promise I'll play along with what I didn't buy Saturday.

Call Me Cate: That is, when I'm not playing along with Six Word Saturdays. The couple of times I've done it, it was great fun. I don't know why I don't do it again. And, aren't you glad I've been able to keep Wizard Cat away from Tonya and Rusty? Yeah, he's a bad influence. I hope all your doctor's visits and such finally figure out why you can't sleep well at night and that you can get back to enjoying sleep. Hopefully it will help the creativity bloom, since you seem a little down at not having a constant stream of new ideas flowing into your blog. A happy Cate makes for a happy blogosphere, which makes for a happy world.

Walter: Speaking of keeping the Wizard Cat under wraps, he's been away from your place for a while. Pensive little shit that he is, he's a bad influence against dogs, too. Anyway, I miss your Things Pets Do. Maybe I should check out one of your actual people blogs...

Baldy Fellow: Glad to see you're back, sir. I know you're busy, what with the pantslessness and the flat all to yourself and the movie coming out. I like that we have the same taste in comics, as well, though I must say that I'm woefully behind in any reading of that sort. I have full faith that you'll rejoin us 100% when you've finally gotten things to calm down. Until then, good luck and kick some ass.

Adam L: Personally, I think you're crazy for doing that whole MD/PhD thing, but, hey, someone has to. I wasn't cut of the right cloth, so I admire you, sir. Also, you're a lot more dedicated to running than I ever was. Maybe that would have helped during grad school. It'd certainly help now. Plus, then I could justify some fried foods at the fair. Hope that fluorescent assay that your boss came back from the conference with works out for you. I mentioned about how our stuff was cool to look at, but didn't net exactly what we were looking for. Anyway, hope you enjoy the Minnesota State Fair.

Cora: Well, well, well. We come to one of my favorite fiery redheads. Whoa, big fella. Don't get bent out of shape quite yet. I have to say, I like your illustrated blog posts a ton. Probably more than I should. Plus, the love of Harry Potter has me starry-eyed in my admiration. Plus, Seattle is second to only Maine for places in America that I really want to go (followed by least some part of it). Although, I hear that you're none too pleased about being in Seattle for some strange reason these days...

Scope: Oh, right! That's the reason. And who could blame her? I mean, cusp Capricorns are known for being dashingly handsome, witty, highly intelligent, and they tend to smell like vanilla. You burst on the scene, and I remember finding you through Gwen. I was much amused by the lawsuit brought against water by the Disney company. Also, the blowing up of the whale was awesome. Both times. The next time I'm in the Great Lakes region, I will set aside some time to have a drink or two.

Vic: How's the patio treating you? Yeah, it's been kind of quiet lately, but the trip to see the in-laws was pretty funny. Kind of reminds me of when I used to visit my family. Except without the dirty poodle. Also, did you ever figure out the right deodorant to use? Also, I think I still have a mancrush on your husband for his headlamp-wearing while mowing at night, and your brother-in-law for his kickass away of showing the weeds who is boss. Plus, I can't pass a lawn gnome or garden statuary of any kind without thinking of you.

Kristine: My blog crushes on your blog daily. I've said that before. I say it again only because it's true. Even with all the freaky monsters you have living around your house and your lawn is infested with vampiric mites, I still can't think it's not a swinging place to be. Mostly because of your sweet landscaping abilities. Next time you find a horse dinosaur buried in the garden, you should totally call someone. They won't think too much of anything bad about you. I promise.

Bored Neo-Classical Eric: I still fear the whole "I'm going to screw up and make a mistake with something Latin and you're going to totally call me on it because I suck like that" thing. Still...wait. You're not a Longhorns fan are you? We might have to end this blog friendship. Even though you do make some incredible pieces of art and your vast knowledge of ancient civilization's tools and mechanics is enviable. And the marble carving looks freakin' sweet. Enjoy that pool (spork ruts and all).

LiLu: Part of me wishes that you still were down in the Thrill, but then I realize that my liver would be destroyed, and I'd be hanging out with someone whose ten years younger than I am and of the opposite sex and that's just creepy in a "that book by Nabokov" way. But, you've given the perfect excuse outlet to exorcise my erotica TMI muse. Plus, you've also shown me that it's perfectly possible to have a family-member find your blog and shrug that shit off and laugh. Which is good. Believe me.

Girl 1nterrupted: I still need to find a copy of that book you recommended for me. Stupid out of print publishings. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. Also, your adventures in the job placement field made me finally look up what abattoir means, doubling that guy's creepy factor. Your dating stories, what with the midget who owns his own boat, made me feel better about my single days. I look forward to the day that you return to us on a more full time basis.

Lana: Oh, Lana, I'm so glad that you and Kristine are a package deal. The two of you play off each other too perfectly. Your brand of self-deprecating humor reminds me of my own, and I love it. Plus, you cook for a living, which is one of those careers I've kicked around in the back of my mind in case this chemistry thing doesn't pan out. Let us know when you finally decide that naked hiking is, indeed, for you. Not that we'll hide in the bushes to watch or anything. I don't need to be accused of being creepy. Again.

HillBillyFarmGirl: You are, I think, my only reader from all of Scandinavia. Your pictures of the country are absolutely beautiful. Plus, I like the horses and with my current fascination with older Nordic culture, I like reading about giant rocks thrown by trolls to crush churches or to just see how the land lays so that I can envision it better while reading some of these old legends.

Mr. C: Never has anyone mixed tragic tales of loss and death along with the hilariously sad state of our fellows. Plus, I've said it before, but there sure does seem to be a lot of people in wheelchairs up in your part of New York. Still, I love that shit like candy, and I can't wait to stow away on yer pirate ship. Just send a busty wench down to the hold from time to time to keep me from getting "scurvy". And not one of those loser busty wenches, either.

LivingDeadNurse: Your Psycho Ward blog is funny and terrifying...which I think it exactly what you're shooting for. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what nurses do. It's just, I have gotten some who aren't so keen. I'm sure this is not you. Your stories have made me go a little softer on some of the nursing experiences I've had in the past. Everyone can have a bad day, and I survived, so, awesome, right? Exactly. Plus, I always read your blog in a Rob Zombie-esque voice. I'm sure you sound much sweeter than he.

Erin: You're right. We are dorks! Hey, tell your blog to stop trying to sell me George R.R. Martin books. I've got the good ones, and the rest I could care less about. Plus, I like how you pick up on some of my geekier fantasy-literature-based references. It makes my heart grow a littler warmer when someone does that.

Otherworldlyone: I've taken to turning the lights out and pulling the blinds when I read your blog. I mean, uh, I really enjoy your stories how your mom's boyfriend comes home to find you and your family in compromising dance positions. Good luck with that quitting smoking thing. It will help with the stamina thing. Also, don't get too upset by the cat watching. They are curious after all. If it bothers you too much, strange it. I mean, curiosity did kill the cat at least once, right? There you go. Justification.

Cretin: You came, you saw, you commented, you told great stories, you disappeared again. I'm assuming that you're busy with the pups and all, plus the fireman duties and whatnot. Hopefully, you got to take your cruise like you wanted and got the questions answered about texting and phones and such that you asked.

CorticoWHAT?: You're an inspiration, sir. The last line of your profile had me hooked and I haven't gone back yet. Yes, I hate seeing a friend debilitating like this, but I admire your courage and your willingness to press on. You are bold and honest, and I can only hope that something will happen that will reverse the effects you've experienced so that you can wine and dine your customers and plant your garden again. Plus, you have fine taste in Hawaiian shirts.

MyLittleBecky: You're on vacation, and probably won't read this. Therefore, I'll keep things short. Chuckles is hilarious. Snap some photos in your bathroom to see if you can catch the ghost. I appreciate your use of creative words to describe situations. Please keep your pee-pee soaked panties to yourself. Thank you.

Just Be Real: I'm unsure why you decided to follow my blog. You seem like a sweet person who has been through a hellish ordeal, and maybe you just appreciate the brazen boldness with which I present myself to the blogosphere. If that's the case, thank you. If not, then I'm still confused, but I thank you anyway. Please, keep reading and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Jerrod: Kristine told me you were a good read, and she was right. I'm glad that I could relate a dating scenario that I went through that let you know you weren't alone in this kind of thing. Women. Sheesh. Also, hell yeah, I'll be your life coach. What does that entail? Watching sports? Or am I going to have bring over a stack of magazines with Colin Firth on the cover and then draw a target? Either way, I'll be there. Let me know.

Logical Libby: The story of your baby is amazing and fascinating. I salute you for relating it to us. And, I'm glad she is so healthy. I hope you enjoy the next few weeks while you're home with her. The projects at home will come and go, but the kids will only get older and older. I wish I had learned that when my daughter was younger, but I had to make it through grad school and try to make a career. Cherish the times you get to spend laying on the bed watching her sleep.

Peach Tart: You're a hoot, lady. Though, I've taken to reading you at home because of the naughty cakes and the naked week you've been through recently. Mr Peach Tart is a lucky man, and a good man, from your descriptions. Try not to enjoy the rainbow liquor stores quite so much on your quick trips to Pennsylvania. Good luck with the book tours and whatnot. Yes, I'm jealous. Just a wee bit.

Courtney: How is that you and SC have birthdays and an anniversary within a couple of days of each other? Crazy. Of course, my summer glut of birthdays is kind of reminiscent of that. Hope SC liked the blower. Heh. And the gardening equipment you got him for his birthday. Also, watch out for those West Virginians. I hear they can be a tricksy lot. Run if you hear banjo music.

Paige: You've commented once, and I've checked out your horses. I like what I see. I've been reading a little bit to try and better familiarize myself with the horses since, you know, they're the main means of transportation in my books and whatnot. Probably should know a little something about them other than that they have hooves and eat oats, right?

Mordecai: You have a way of conveying subtle wit and charm through your writing that I wish I could emulate. I enjoy your posts greatly and find them highly amusing. I think I've established that. I realize that reality intrudes on the blogosphere far too often, but I must say that every time I see you've updated, you're one of the first I click on.

Jeanne: Thankfully, you weren't TOO put off by that whole original TMI Thursday post you landed on. Thanks for coming back, and for telling the story of the silly Purdue student intern. Heh. Silly Purdue students. Some day I'll take part in one of your story contests. I swear.

Jules: Since you're heading back to school/work now, does that mean the garage door is closed? No? Good. I've come to enjoy the Tuesday singing vlogs. A lot. They're quite amusing. Plus, you're not shy about laying on a layer of sarcasm, and I appreciate that. A lot. Plus, with the way things fall with your avatar, I get amused by seeing your legs under other people's heads.

Bev: Free the lobsters! Free them right into the pot. Also, free the New England Two. You know what I'm saying. Heh. I've enjoyed the hilarity that you and SOMEONE ELSE have brought to the joint. Even if you are hooked in with that whole Boston crowd, my views on the region have softened enough that I can appreciate everything BUT the accent. The hilarity is still there, though, and that's what I like the most.

Mala: Don't lie. You'll be publishing a book someday called "Hillybilly Threesome", detailing one sweaty, sexy afternoon spent in the cab of a truck out in the middle of nowhere, pulling mullets and screaming about loving banjo music. I kid. I kid. If that happens, you owe me a cut of the profits. I kid. Sort of. Like I told SOMEONE ELSE, I enjoy the hilarity you've brought to the joint. Thanks for the nearly-daily comments and for paying just for the pleasure of reading a TMI post. That made me blush. Almost.

Samsmama: I like the sexy ass hanging in the air in the background of your blog. Thanks for making sure that everything is opaque enough for that. The ongoing saga with your ex-in-laws, however, is trying for the reader. I can imagine how much fun it must be for you. You could always try to smother him with the vagina purse, I guess.

Rita: Your little fish swimming around are hypnotic. I hope you enjoy your time down in the southern part of California. And I hope the Padres beat the Cardinals, but that's just because of my stupid devotion to the Cubs. I know life has dealt you quite a blow, but I'm glad to see that you're seeming to take things in little strides and reflecting on the blessings in your everyday life. Just watch out for flying thorns off the crown.

Elliot: I've said it before, but damn I love Wisconsin. Even Wisconsin in Florida. Your posts make me smile and laugh, though I suck at naming the movie quotations. I always have to look them up, and then I feel like I cheated, so I don't answer in the comments. Plus, you've got cheese in the background of everything. So do I, but yours is more delicious. Thanks for reading!

SoBeAck: It took me a while to figure out just what the hell your name meant. Then I got it. Duh. Your stories of your trip through Europe are great. I like the pictures, too. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy into the future.

Kari: Recently, I've wanted to yell "Woot!" while I'm reading your blog. I think that's just the concert stories coming to a head, though. Also, hopefully the summer will be over mercifully soon and then it won't be quite so hot, though you are down in Georgia, so summer lasts a lot longer than here. I guess you're just screwed then, huh?

Happy Hour Somewhere: For some reason, you seem quiet. I enjoy your posts, though, even though I skip some of the videos (no speakers at work). You can leave inane comments on here anytime you'd like. Good luck on the diet. I'm trying to join you in the loss of a few bowling balls. Is there a gutter anywhere that we can throw them into?

Michelle: Your story about your friend Frank kind of broke my heart, but it did turn me into an amateur crime sleuth...if just for a few moments. Could be the makings of one helluva movie if things get figured out. Also, I hope Devil Kitty hides the horns more often and just snuggles his teddy. The name Linus is perfect for a cat.

Fai: Your open letter format makes for quite some amusing--and poignant--reading. I enjoy it. Thank you for following. I hope to enjoy some more good letters well into the future!

Adrienne: And here we are! Fireworks and confetti for you! Hooray! You have a beautiful family. May you be blessed with them and may they bring you joy for time immemorial. Thank you for being the big number 1-0-0.

And...there we have it. All of my first 100 followers, thanked for their dedication. That's not to say that they are the only ones appreciated. There are tons who don't have their faces in that little box on the right hand side of the screen whose blogs I read on a near daily basis: Poobomber, Red, Cooper Green, Jidai, Frank, Del-V, Words^3, Pfangirl, moooooog, Mo just to name a few. Thank you all for your contribution and your readership, as well.

And, I'm a little burnt out. I'm going to go take a shower, brew a cup of coffee, and eat a cake with a little 100 candle lodged in it. You can have some, too, if you can make it over here before I've shoved the whole thing into my gaping maw.

Thanks again, everyone. And, we'll have to do this again in 98 followers or so.


Poobomber said...


coolred38 said...

Congrats on your 100th follower...Ive got 41...what the hell they are following me for I dont know...I more lost then them.

Thanks for the shout out...I appreciate those words. Bruises and broken bones etc are long forgotten...but words....words are written across the plains of our be remembered during our darkest moments....words bring us back to the light.

Thanks again...and may you have a 100 more.

snowelf said...

mjenks--that was great. You really are a good guy.


That Baldy Fella said...

*stands back and applauds*

That was one impressive and genuine tribute. Nice work, squire!

Thanks for the good wishes - I'll be back to full strength soon...

(Also, liking the fact that pantslessness is one of the tags)

Bev said...

Wow, go YOU! That was impressive.

I'm glad you can like me even though I'm from New England. Would it help if I told you that Mala and I do NOT have Boston accents? 'Cuz we don't, and one day, if we can stay sober enough, we will vlog to prove it!

Love your blog. Keep up the good work. Can't wait for TMI Thursday! (rubbing hands together in anticipation)

Samsmama said...

Holy shit! Now I know what you meant when you said this post was killing you.

You, my friend, are DA MAN!

Ok, Ok...I'll quit talking about the ex in-laws. Geez...guess it's back to talking about laundry room quickies and "Head Monday". My bad.

Congratulations on 100 (102) followers!

The Peach Tart said...

What a nice and fabulous tribute to me and all these wonderful bloggers. I'll have to go check out the ones I don't know.

I look forward to your blog with each and every post. Congratulations on 102 followers.

Mr. Condescending said...

Haha great job jenks, I know how long these detailed pimping posts can take!

Never before did I want to blow shit up until finding you!

Thanks for the shout and kind words, and you totally deserve all 100 followers plus more! Now I can that you are a f*cking liar too because I know you'll keep posting.

No one likes an honest pirate anyways.

LiLu said...

I pride myself on being an enabler of all sorts. :-) Glad to have found you too, my dear. And if you're ever in DC? We shall have to have at least ONE drink. Congrats!

Mala said...

At first I thought you were going to reward us with naked pictures of yourself (which again, I'd pay money for). To be honest, I was a wee disappointed when I quickly ignored all those words and scrolled like a mad woman for an MJenks picture and found only that old broad. But then I started reading your trubutes and was quite moved.
Great idea about the book, but I found it much easier to just put out the video. *gag*
And no, Bev and I do NOT have the Boston accent... we're just naturally a bit slurry.

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks for the shout out and congrats on 100.

My blog is trying to sell you Catholic stuff because out church needs money.

You do know I'm a priest - right?

otherworldlyone said...

Wow! Check out your stamina! ;)

Thanks for reading my blog and leaving such awesome the dark. Hahaha.

And what's all this business about a foot fetish?! I would never have taunted you with that post and that close up shot of the feet if I'd known.

red said...

Well done you.

Jeney Peney said...

Sigh... I am dissapointed in myself. I guess I can cope with being the hot one.

I will expect my name on a list when you hit, 200, however. With special recognition for being the first on it.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Um, I read you all the time, but I don't like to follow people. Mostly because I don't know what that means. But I do have you in my reader. And I heart your blog. Now please write something nice about me and/or send me $20. Thanks.

JennyMac said...

Excellent list and congrats again. I vote you send them all a box of peeps.

Nej said...


And holy crap!

Your fingers have to be tired and swollen after all that typing!

And bonus points for the 70's glam rock reference....Mott the Hoople. :-) :-)

Eric said...

Hey thanks for blogging Mjenks. I can honestly say that I learn something new on your blog at least every week. It is something to look forward to always.

That being said, watch your Latin or I might have to correct you (yeah right, like that will ever happen).

SoBeAck-with a K said...

As I began reading your little (ha!) tribute to your followers I got a little antsy when I realized - wait a minute, he might have included me! After reading 30 or so I couldn't take it anymore, scrolled down and there was my shout out! New to the blogging world, it was nice to be recognized (as your follower, guess I'll take what I can get). Also embarassing to admit I had some heart palpitations and will probably brag about this later. *sigh

Whiskey Girl said...

Great Job!!!
***flashes boobs***

Sass said...




And the game is called KICKSTER. And boobs are apparently, ""

You're welcome. ;)

Gwen said...

I was your first? Little ole me took your follower virginity? Awesome.

Congrats on 100+ followers, my man! You totally deserve them. You are here every day with a post and they are always entertaining. Many times gross, but always entertaining.

The thing I love best about our bloggy friendship are the off-color, totally un-PC emails that we trade. I love that you allow me to be as vile as I want, still love me, and give it back as good as I can dish it. You rule.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Damn. Is your head spinning round and round after that? So sad you can't play some of the videos I post...the one on alone was worth it. (Well, if you want to be driven mad by a jingle.)

I am so glad you are not throwing in the towel. I am trying to work in how your next 100 will be an enantiomorph of your first 100, but now my head hurts. I am going to go through all your followers now and start reading~!

Soda and Candy said...

100 is pretty impressive, and I'm glad you're not quitting. You're kind of awesome.

PS - Just cos I don't "follow" you doesn't mean I don't follow you. If you follow me.
; )

PPS - Okay I just made the word follow lose all meaning for me, did I even spell it right?

Scope said...

Wow on the effort there.

And I think I have a spare ticket to the Neveda game. I'm just saying...

Sassy Britches said...

Holy crap. I just quoted Poobomber. *runs away in shame*

Sassy Britches said...

I think I shall let you sweat some more about Sally. (Right, like you're sweating)!

Every single one of these people better be as appreciative as I am about this post; wow, just wow.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

AWWWW, I have been away and was trying to get caught up on my blog reads when I read this (I am so far behind due to fact that Kansas City's idea of high speed internet is two turtles with tins and a string). You know we (the twins & I) love ya man!

Congrats on over 100 followers! And the post, because that really rocked to see how you really know about the people who read your work and who's work you read. I promise to be a faithful (if sometimes tardy) reader.

Again, awesome job!

Paige said...

That took a lot of work.

And I will teach you about horses any time---horse people will bail on you if they think you mess up the basics of horses in a book, movie, etc. Vicious people, we are.

I read all the time--just don't always comment because it is too hard on the blackberry I have to use at work

Chaka said...

Congratulations! You just created the ultimate shout out post. Holy crap, that must have taken days. I am impressed with your efforts. Here's to 100 more followers.

Vic said...

Do the Guiness people know about you? (Brewery or world-record book, either one)

That was truly impressive, and full of warmth. I read through the whole thing and am looking forward to checking out some of your followers I haven't run into before.

But first I read you, naturally.

Patio's good. Thinking a hammock is the next logical step.

Pfangirl said...

Yay, I scored a shout out despite my terrible neglect of the Follower system:) For the record I do read your blog daily as well even if I'm a bit slack sometimes with the commenting.

A big congratulations for your Follower achievement, and yowza, this blog post. You definitely don't have the stamina of a 13 year old boy;)

Jon said...

Wow, nice work! I'll buy you a beer the next time I'm in Whereverthehellyoulive.

Cooper Green said...

This is a staggering opus, MJ. Congratulations not only on your milestone, but on having the energy to thank each of your followers individually, and to know enough about each one to be able to carry it off. You are a sincere and entertaining blogger, and I'm proud to be mentioned with the less formal group of MJenks followers.

words...words...words... said...

Congratulations! The first 100 is easy. That was not meant to scare you.



BeckEye said...

I have much less than 100 followers and I am a fan of clearly the best football team in the country. What kind of joke is this????

Harmony said...

When I got here you were at 103. I had to change that..I like round numbers.

What a great way to give tribute to your readership. Great post!

Joel D. Timm said...

Im going to have to make sure I have your correct address, so I can get a X-Mas card in your hand too.

TishTash said...

Good lord, Mjenkie. You are such a brown-nosing cocksucker.

That's a compliment, by the way. Because how you manage to do both at the same time is completely beyond me.