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Inspirational Reads

TMI Thursday: Snowball

April 8, 2010

This is a story not for the faint-of-heart; those of you with weak constitutions should stay away. For the rest of us, feel free to enjoy the following story. And, if you want more awesome tales of debauchery, check out Lilu's home and read other awesomely bad TMI Thursdays!

So, quite some time ago, I was awarded with the Honest Scrap Award, and I took it as a chance to write up ten little TMI vignettes so that I could accept the award with a clean conscience. Thanks again, OtherWorldlyOne.

Anyway, LiLu was so impressed by the stories I wrote that she asked why I hadn't given one of the stories it's own, individual TMI write-up. As this is the last time that LiLu will be hosting TMI Thursday, I thought I would write the story up for her, in her honor, because without LiLu, I wouldn't be the superstar backwater blogging hick that I am today.

I am a big fan of Kevin Smith. When my friend, Young Bob, showed me Clerks in college, I was immediately sucked into the View Askewniverse, hook, line and dead guy jerking off in the bathroom. Er, sinker.

My Ex- was also a huge fan of Kevin Smith. While we often went out to bars or to eat dinner or to watch a movie, we often stayed in fucking cuddling and watching movies together. Clerks was in our usual rotation, along with Chasing Amy. Mallrats? Notsomuch.

I'm sure you'll remember my Ex-. She's the one whose face was smashed into the tiled wall while we were fucking in the shower. I bring that up because, two days after that fateful night with the failed--yet steamy--shower sex scene, I was back over at her place. I brought some dinner and some booze--wine for her, rum for me. If she was still hurting, I was going to fuck booze the pain right out her.

As you might have already deduced, we had decided to stay in that night. She had had a rough day at work, and I, well I had spent another day working at the bookstore. Dinner and movie on the couch. Score. The movie? Clerks.

We ate, and we were sitting on the couch while the black-and-white misadventures of Dante and Randall flickered upon the screen before us. A little bit of kissing with heavy petting was going on. Finally, I got up the nerve to ask her about the terrible ending to the shower sex.

"Um, dearest, how is your nose?" I tentatively asked.

"It's still sore, but it doesn't ache like it did that night. I'm pretty much over my ibuprofen bender to numb the pain." She swirled her glass of wine. "How are you?"

"I'm not the one who took a header into the wall of your shower," I said.

"Yes," she purred, "but did you get to finish?"

"Oh, uh, I thought it was kind of inappropriate for me to finish jerking off before I helped you out of the shower and to stanch the flow of blood."

"What?" she asked, setting the wine down and sitting up straight, her pert breasts pushed forward, drawing my attention to them further.

"Yeah, I never came," I lied through my teeth, knowing that I had jerked off the previous night to relieve the built-up tension after having had sex but without the fulfillment and mess of an orgasm.

"Mmm...we need to take care of that," she said, sliding onto the floor in front of me, crawling on hands and knees until she was kneeling between my thighs. She pulled her shirt off with one deft move and then began working on my zipper and pants. Within a couple of seconds, I was out, erect, and in her hand. She helped me work my pants down around my ankles and then I worked my feet out of them, wrapping my legs around her bared upper torso and pulling her closer to me. She giggled.

Dante and Randall continued their irreverent adventures on the screen behind her. I was only partially paying attention to them as she rubbed me up and down, coaxing that first drop of precum from the tip of my penis. When it appeared, she licked it off, giggling at how I moaned and worked my hips back and forth.

She then commenced to give me a blow job. She worked her hands up and down my shaft, jerking me off into her mouth while she toyed with the tip of my penis with her tongue inside her mouth. She worked her mouth and up and down me while she used her free hand to play with my balls and my ass. It was delightful.

In the background, the movie continued to play. The portion of the film where Dante and Veronica are lying on the floor behind the counter together plays. Veronica tells Dante about the character Snowball, and how he earned that moniker.

With her hand still wrapped around my penis, she pulled me out of her mouth. "I should totally snowball you," she purred once more before returning to the task at hand.

I suddenly found myself at a crossroads. Here was a woman who was willing to do pretty much anything sexually, and since I'm a guy who truly appreciates and, to be honest, kind of fully expects a woman to swallow my cum upon completion of a blowjob, I thought it was only fair that I should understand what it is they have to endure. All of this flashed through my mind in an instant.

"You totally should," I offered up to her, only slightly caught up in the heat and passion of the moment.

She stopped again, sliding her lips up and off me, an audible popping sound echoing in the den as I left her mouth, her hand still working up and down my shaft. "Are you serious?" she asked, only a hint of the previous playfulness in her voice.

"As long as you don't tell me I'm number 37," I said.

"Oh baby," she said, "you're like number 50." She giggled. I giggled.

Heh...I thought she was joking. How naive innocent and cute.

Anyway, we return to my blowjob.

We continued going, and things were getting better and better and finally, my thighs are clenching around her body and she's stroking me faster and harder and toying with the tip of my penis with her tongue when I exploded into her mouth. She milked the last of my semen out of me into her mouth, and then she smiled up at me, traces of my seed remaining on her chin.

A little nervous, I pulled her up toward me, and then she leaned in and kissed me, allowing my cum to run into my mouth. be wasn't that bad. Yeah, it was salty and musky, a little bit earthy tasting. Without thinking about it much, I swallowed myself down. And then, I was done. No real aftertaste. No regret at all.

She wasn't done, however. Apparently, the snowballing was more for her benefit than it was for me, because she immediately stood up and took off her pants and climbed back onto my lap and started riding me. We ended up on the floor in front of the television, her head dangerously close to banging into the fireplace. Pulling myself out of her, I shot across her tits. Crumbling to the carpet beside her, panting and exhausted, she looked over at me.

"Are you going to clean me up?" she asked.

And so I did, licking my own cum up from her tits and chest, swallowing it down and then kissing her. There was a slight difference in taste when I licked it off her chest, more salty, slightly more powerful. A bit more of an aftertaste. Again, nothing too overpowering, I thought.

We laid there together, naked, watching the end of Clerks together, which wasn't that much by the time we were finished. But it was the best time I've ever had watching a Kevin Smith movie.

So, there, Lilu. Thank you so much for hosting TMI Thursdays for all this time. My hat's off to you, and I hope you enjoyed this salient little tale almost as much as I did.


BigSis said...

Wow. Definitely not for the faint of constitution. Wow.

And, for the record, I love Mallrats!

Mala said...

How on earth are you ever going to be able to top that tale?

Moooooog35 said...


Ew dude.


SkylersDad said...

Wow. Just wow.

Ed said...

Ed said...


Wynn said...

I LOVE THIS! I would NEVER get away with that with bf. I should try though..

And the entire thing kinda makes me wanna get down and busy too. I'm so easily impressionable, damn you porn-blogger!

Again, LOVE it.

Wynn said...

Oh, and all you other dudes really should try it at least once.

red said...

Holy Christ! TMI, indeed...

carissa said...

OH my freaking lord holy shit wowsa mother of my soul i have no words but those!!!


P said...

At least you know your cum tastes okay, I guess!

BTW, what's wrong with Mallrats? That's one of my favourite movies!

Bev said...

Ok. Where to begin?

First off, Ew.

Second, my hat is off to you, sir, for having the balls to admit to enjoying the taste of your own semen.

Third, EW.

Fourth, you still got off easy. It's one thing to have spoo kissed into your mouth, quite another to have it shot into the back of your throat. I mean, I've heard. *cough*


Ok, I think that's all. I have to go dry-heave for a while now.

PS) Since my TMI post today was about breastfeeding, I have to admit that I never once even tasted the milk that I produced. Why? Because it just seemed... wrong, somehow. Because it was my own bodily fluid and all, which is... well, EW. So, take my reaction with a grain of salt. :)

Jill VT said...

Golly. With that post, can I presume you've got a bit of your mojo back?

Does your wife read your blog?!

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

i love myself. i taste great.

(I should be so much more disgusted by this post than I am. What the hell is wrong with me?)

ClevelandPoet said...

suppose if you're willing to than your women can't complain about having to.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...



gasp! gasp!


PS: You know it tastes horrible. Don't lie. You're just afraid admitting it will compromise your future blow jobs. Admit it.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahahaha, I think Styeamy hit the nail on the head. "What?! I can assure you it tastes totally fine!"

I bet you've never got any in your own eye though, that would really be evening the score!
; )

Gwen said...

I think you stole this off of Literotica. And if you didn't, you should submit it.

LiLu said...

Clerks will always be the best.

Though I will always think of it a bit differently now...

Nej said...