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Inspirational Reads

It's Nice to See Some Things Don't Change

November 11, 2006

To the Fat Coach who wasn't wearing a red shirt this time: You're still an asshat.

If you ripped into my kids like that while PLAYING A GAME, I'd kick you in the nuts. Hard. In fact, while you were on the ground, I'd back over your nuts with my car.

That is, assuming you have nuts. I imagine you must have a pretty tiny penis in order to derive so much joy from belitting five- and six-year olds while they play soccer. You are a douchebag. I'm glad we beat you. I only wish we would have beaten you by a bigger score.

Again, Coach Doug proves that he's the better man by taking the high road and not putting our best offensive players on the line and crushing the other team. In fact, he probably did the right thing. God only knows how many lashes each of the children must have had to endure for the four goals we scored against them.

Sadly, we dropped our second game against a team that, I felt, we should have beaten. I think we were a little tired from the earlier game, and some kids had a big-ish lunch between the games, thus causing some heavy legs during the course of the game. But, oh well. It was a beautiful day and, aside from losing, the kids had fun.

And that's what it's about. Take a memo, Coach Douchebag. It's not about making up for what puberty didn't give you.