I've never participated in TMI Thursday until now, mostly because I refuse to let my TMI posts be sequestered only to Thursdays, but partly because I've just started reading Lilu--the Originator's--blog and I appreciate what a lovely
rack site she has.
Plus, it just so happens that this exact story took place last night!
I was lying in bed while the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca was in the bathroom tending to some urinally needs. I felt the rumble of gas in my bowels, and so I tried to sneak it out. However, it sounded eerily similar to a brass band warming up before a performance.
"That's funny," the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca said from the bathroom, "I didn't know you played the trumpet."
"I don't know," I replied. "That was a little higher pitched, kind of like a flugelhorn. My ass is like Chuck Mangione. Beard and all."
"Oh my," she responded.
Being that I know you're all familiar with the greatness that is Chuck Mangione, feel free to dial through your iPods right now until you come upon "Feels So Good", which is Chuck's signature hit. It's best to refamiliarize yourself with the song now before we proceed.
Here's some video, too, to help with that:
As an aside, why is it that all badass celebrities must be named Chuck and have a kickass beard? Just a thought.
Anyway, you should be familiar with the opening strains of the song. Bom...bom bom bom bom...it's classic. Beautiful. Fun. Yes, it's the song that keeps popping up on King of the Hill. Chuck has embraced his celebrity. In fact, I hear everywhere he goes, he carries the flugelhorn, and when someone recognizes him, he busts out horn and takes us all on a magical ride.
Back to the story. My wife finished up in the bathroom, came back to bed and turned off the lights. We settled down for a lovely night of blissful sleep when I felt the chamber reload with another ass concert. So, I rolled over, slipped my arm around her, and, with a sphincter control that can only be described as "legendary", I fired off the opening notes. Poot...poot poot poot poot.
The laughter started slowly, but then quickly spiraled out of control. After a solid five minutes of laughing to the point of tears, we finally got ourselves under control.
"Wow," the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca stated, "that was the stuff of legends."
"My grandfather would be so proud," I countered (he once played "Up on the Rooftop" via ass symphony to the great delight of his grandchildren). A second later, "You know, I think I owe Chuck Mangione a dollar now."