I've never participated in TMI Thursday until now, mostly because I refuse to let my TMI posts be sequestered only to Thursdays, but partly because I've just started reading Lilu--the Originator's--blog and I appreciate what a lovely rack site she has.
Plus, it just so happens that this exact story took place last night!
I was lying in bed while the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca was in the bathroom tending to some urinally needs. I felt the rumble of gas in my bowels, and so I tried to sneak it out. However, it sounded eerily similar to a brass band warming up before a performance.
"That's funny," the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca said from the bathroom, "I didn't know you played the trumpet."
"I don't know," I replied. "That was a little higher pitched, kind of like a flugelhorn. My ass is like Chuck Mangione. Beard and all."
"Oh my," she responded.
Being that I know you're all familiar with the greatness that is Chuck Mangione, feel free to dial through your iPods right now until you come upon "Feels So Good", which is Chuck's signature hit. It's best to refamiliarize yourself with the song now before we proceed.
Here's some video, too, to help with that:
As an aside, why is it that all badass celebrities must be named Chuck and have a kickass beard? Just a thought.
Anyway, you should be familiar with the opening strains of the song. Bom...bom bom bom bom...it's classic. Beautiful. Fun. Yes, it's the song that keeps popping up on King of the Hill. Chuck has embraced his celebrity. In fact, I hear everywhere he goes, he carries the flugelhorn, and when someone recognizes him, he busts out horn and takes us all on a magical ride.
Back to the story. My wife finished up in the bathroom, came back to bed and turned off the lights. We settled down for a lovely night of blissful sleep when I felt the chamber reload with another ass concert. So, I rolled over, slipped my arm around her, and, with a sphincter control that can only be described as "legendary", I fired off the opening notes. Poot...poot poot poot poot.
The laughter started slowly, but then quickly spiraled out of control. After a solid five minutes of laughing to the point of tears, we finally got ourselves under control.
"Wow," the Comely and Buxom and Ailurophobic Boudicca stated, "that was the stuff of legends."
"My grandfather would be so proud," I countered (he once played "Up on the Rooftop" via ass symphony to the great delight of his grandchildren). A second later, "You know, I think I owe Chuck Mangione a dollar now."
22 comments:
Its nice to know that even te legendary game of Pull My Finger has evolved with the times...we always want to improve ourselves.
You know your marriage has passed the "getting to know each other stage" when you can perform anally for her and she is delighted and full of compliments.
Wow.
Yikes, just never use a cup mute...
Funny post!
I had no idea you were so talented, Mjenks. Impressive.
*tears rolling down face from laughing*
I am so impressed, jenks. You are the master.
I just had to comeover when I saw "Chuck Mangione." "Ass concert" was so worth the price of admission.
Wow. That's some amazing sphinctor control you have there mjenks. I am envious.
Sounds like my house, except it's my cats that do the farting.
This is impressive on so many levels. I always enjoy reading other people's TMI thursdays... Never have the nerve to post one myself - especially on a real honest to God Thursday. Chuck's the best :)
Vlog it! Vlog it!
Wait... maybe not. That might be too much, even for me.
Thanks for playing, darlin!
I dare you to replicate it, record it and put it on your blog.
@ CoolRed38: Hmmm...performed...anally...delighted...full of compliments. Sounds like the making of another TMI Thursday post.
@ Jess: Now you know why I've been whistling all day in the lab.
@ Eric: On particularly warm nights, I use a double ball mute.
@ Gwentastical: I prefer 'il maestro', but I'll still accept the compliment.
@ Cora: Well, I do like to keep a little of the big ball of talent that is me hidden so that I can sneak out a surprise every once in a while.
@ TishTash: You know, I did notice that mine was the only TMI title with the name of a famous jazz musician.
@ Greta: It all comes in the fifty sphincter flexes I do a day.
@ Kristine: And I don't even swear at you with my eyes.
@ Margo: Thank you, thank you. Like I alluded to in the story, I learned my musical talent from my grandfather.
Like I said, though, I refuse to sequester my TMI stories to just Thursdays. Case in point: The Inseminated Towel Incident@ Lilu: I dunno about vlogging it. However, post another picture of your friend going all Tawny Kitean on your back, and I'll be flogging it.
Too much?
@ Fancy: If I can figure out to do that, I will. Probably better than vlogging it. You can listen to it over and over again. I'm sure seeing my ass-cheeks vibrating to a certain rhythm is only good for one viewing before everyone pukes.
Just.. LOL!
Why are farts so funny? I will never ever figure that out.
I laughed so hard reading your post. And I'm going to read it to my husband when he gets home, because although he refuses to admit it, he too loves a good fart and fart humour.
Thanks for that.
The best I could ever manage is one long extended note. Like, really extended. 15 or 20 seconds extended. But alas my monotone is nothing compared with your sphincter symphony.
Next time you have chili, get in bed and stick a harmonica between your cheeks. You can be the Bob Dylan of fartists. Yes, I just invented a word. Fart artists = fartists.
I especially like that you were able to distinguish between a trumpet and flugelhorn durnig a possibly awkward moment. Nice.
Yup, I love a great fart post and that was truly musical and magical.
A great talent, you are mjenks.
Do you know any 'Chicago' hits? Someone with your skill could really squeeze out those horn lines!
I am just so impressed that you had such an appreciative audience! If that's not love, I don't know what is!
OOOHHHH NNNOOOOOO!
I had that song stuck in my head for DAYS after I watched that Family Guy Episode. Maybe if I leave now before watching that video.
OH NO! There it is again!
Doooo...do do do do...dadadada...da da...tra lalalalalala.
Being the avid lover of fartscapades that I am, I adored this story.
Equally enjoyable was Chuck Mangione's entrance into the tale. I have Chuck Mangione videos on my blog, too. I love that guy.
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