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Inspirational Reads

A Possible Julianne Moore Sighting

April 7, 2009

I was proud of myself last night. I finished up my computer game and got into bed at a fairly early hour. I nestled down and drifted off to the dreamworld where I cavorted with Lord Morpheus and Cain and Abel. *ahem*

Some time later, my wife crawled into bed and shook me awake. As I was shuffling off the last, clinging tendrils of sleep, she pulled my face over to hers so that she knew she had my full attention.

"I think I just a cougar," she informed me.

Now, being that it's me, my first question was "Did she have big tits?"

My wife, apparently frightened by the big cat that could have killed and eaten her, did not find this nearly as amusing as I did. Instead, she told me about how she pulled into the driveway and saw an animal stand up and bound away from the side yard. Now, we live in a fairly wooded area and we have a veritable shit-ton of deer in our yard on nearly a daily basis. It's not uncommon for a group of them to lay in the grass in our yard, especially at night. However, she swears it wasn't a deer because she got a good look at its haunches and its left shoulder area, as well as the profile of its head.

There were no tufts on the ears, the coat was a uniform, tawny color (no spots, striations or stripes), the head was feline, and--most importantly--it ran like a cat. Apparently, it bolted down the side yard, down to the stream that runs at the back of our property, and up the hill on the other side of the stream. At the top of the hill, the light popped on at the community pumphouse that provides water for the neighborhood.

Now, I'm definitely one to be skeptical in these situations. The only problem is, I've been watching shows and reading reports about how the cougar (or puma or panther or catamount or mountain lion...they're all the same animal) is making a move back east. They've been confirmed as far east as the Mississippi and up into Wisconsin, Minnesota and Michigan. Sightings have occurred in Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia and Tennessee, to name a few, but wildlife biologists--so called experts--refuse to acknowledge that these sightings are real. According to them, all these sightings are misidentified house cats.

Uh huh.

However, more to my wife's credit and what makes me believe her, is this story from Chapel Hill...a scant 12 miles from my house. Not only that, but Sunday afternoon while out playing with the kids in my yard, I found a pile of...vomit...from some animal on the patio to my outbuilding. Being that we have raccoons, possum, dogs and cats in the yard all the time, I didn't think anything of it until last night. Now, I'm not sure what it was from ( was a big pile). I left it, hoping the rain would wash it away or something else would eat it. Finally, the show MonsterQuest did a piece on the Beast of Bladenboro, which has also set some precedence for the presence of a cougar in North Carolina.

This morning, I went outside to look for any evidence that it was there. I found--maybe--a partial print from where it was laying in the grass. I gave the side yard a cursory glance all the way down to the stream, but I couldn't find anything. Also--predictably--the puke was gone. I think later, when I get home, I'm going to do a little better search. Hopefully I can find something. It would be awesome to be the one to help prove that the cougar is making a resurgence in North Carolina.

As an amusing aside, when I went out this morning to check for signs of the cougar, I had the shit scared out of me by a cat running from behind my wife's car. It was a fat, orange tabby cat, and he/she laid down next to one of the pine trees in my yard and watched me...menacingly. I did go back inside and make sure that she didn't see an orange tabby, but she's certain that it had no stripes. Plus, the animal ran away. The tabby cat took a couple of steps and then--in catlike fashion--demanded attention, milk and cheezburgers now.


Soda and Candy said...

OMG how exciting if it is a real cougar!!!

On the other hand, I've seen how big feral cats get here. Those are some huge mother-effers.

I'm jealous that you get deer in your yard, I love them.

Sass said...

Well, if the cougar has his way, you won't have many deer left in your yard.

But more importantly...was it a GOOD computer game???

Susan said...

Ew. The bigger the vomit pile, the bigger the cat. Shit. Just seeing that vomit would piss me off royally.

red said...

Man. I don't even have a yard! I need to move somewhere less expensive.

Nej said...

"Did she have big tits?" (shaking my head..boys!!) :-)

I can't blame him for hanging out in your's a deer smorgasbord.

One was captured not too far from our house a few years ago. There was a confirmed sighting by humane society workers a couple months ago...but the search turned up nothing.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

We've only got the odd raccoon, groundhog, and bunnies, but then again, we live in the middle of the city...

But I'm a cougar. :o)

Anna Russell said...

I can Haz human flesh now?

That really would be cool though. If not a little scary. I'll be interested to hear if you get any more evidence.

Oh, and kudos for the Sandman reference.

Will Shannon said...

Yeah, I remember last summer there being sightings up near the La Crosse/Chippewa Falls area.

It scared the bejeesus out of people. I'm surprised something didn't get shot.

Well, it will give the fine people of the Northwoods something else to spot in the woods apart from meth heads and Sasquatch.

Sassy Britches said...

There's supposedly a rogue couple of bobcats in our neck of the woods. I think maybe I'll leave the tracking down of them to you, and I'll keep my respectful distance.

Gwen said...

Sorry. It was me. I was trying to stalk you but Boudicca startled me and I ran. I'm not a very good stalker.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Soda & Candy: The downside of so many deer in the yard is so many piles of deer poo in your yard.

@ Sass: Yes, it was good. I'm slowly eroding away Germany's power while America takes down Russia. And the French army is being mauled by Germany and, once Germany is out of the way, I'll cancel my pact with France and leave their army away from home so that I can grind my way through them in a couple of years. Oh, shit, my nerdiness is showing.

@ Susan: Exactly. And, yeah, I was pissed at the cat puke. And then I was pissed that the cat puke was gone!

@ red: Be warned, we have things here called "clouds" and "rain" and "chilly".

@ Nej: See, I just figure that Mr. Cougar probably knows I'm a sucker for a cat and that I'll leave him saucers of milk and opened cans of tuna fish.

@ Mary: *applauds* Well done, my dear. Well done! I'd leave a saucer of milk for you anytime.

@ Anna: Thanks. I just started reading the entire collection, so that's why I busted that in there. Plus, I'm trying to lure Rider out from the lurking shadows.

@ Will: The cougar that was shot in Chicago supposedly came from Wisconsin, so they're further south than La Crosse and such. Also, I did ask my wife if she was sure it walked on four legs: I figure if we're going to have a "sightings" story, I might as well hit a homerun and go for Bigfoot.

@ Gwen: Ah, so it WAS a cougar out there, then. Heh.

@ SassyBritches: I did ask right away if there was any chance it could be a bobcat. A couple of days ago, I was musing as to why I've never seen, heard of found evidence of bobcats in my area, since it seems like prime bobcat territory.

Kimizzy said...

Oh my Gee Oh Dee.

Check out my post in Feb...

I was attacked by a wild and hungry bobcat. (Or maybe I just saw one that saw me too and we both ran from each other, whatever).

Cougars are scarier though, I have to admit. More ballsy. Hope yall are careful and take a shitload of pictures if you see it again!

TishTash said...

Cougars? Pshh. Us city folk have much scarier beasts to contend with. Like the Bum, for example. He lies in wait outside coffee shops and restaurants and pounces on you the minute you walk out the door. His main weapon? Yuppie guilt.

Phat Mama said...

I'm in North Carolina too - so keep us posted! I don't want to be the pussy that the pussy ate.

coolred38 said...

Will be kind of hard to "prove" anything while your throat is being torn make sure wife is standing by with a good night camera...National Geographic will appreciate the "proof". Good luck with the pussy hunt.

Girl Interrupted said...

England sucks! We don't have anything as exciting as that! The closest we get is seeing a fat, pissed off badger

Scope said...

Just be careful if the new "body splash" Boudicca has you wear is really Rachael Ray's Beef Flavored Stock.

She may have upped the life insurace after the "big tits" joke.

Will Shannon said...

Fat pissed-off badger?

Hell, I'm one of those every Saturday afternoon in the fall (especially when Michigan is in town).

Fancy Schmancy said...

God, be careful, and whatever you do, don't wear one of those antler headband things outside at night.

Anonymous said...

. It's not uncommon for a group of them to lay in the grass in our yard, especially at night.

This should be written as "..of them to lie in the grass.."