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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Volume XIX

April 10, 2009

I know, last week I told you we were doing something around a Ken Doll, but I've changed my mind. Something...shifted...and so I don't want to go there right now. Ignore the Ken Doll, please. Don't make me call in Agents K and J with the flashy dealie already. Lord knows what will happen...like your character might become as insipid as Linda Fiorentino's. Or something.

Holy Crap! Today is Good Friday, which means that Sunday is Easter Sunday. That's the day the Easter Bunny busts into your house and craps out foil-wrapped Cadbury Eggs for you to find and suckle upon like the sweet, chocolatey teats that they are, expunging those sweet, milky insides into your all-too-eager mouth.

Sometimes the images I paint with words disturb even me...

I think I've purged most of that out of me, now, so on with the Latin Lesson!

If you read SassyBritches' blog this week, you'll have learned some disturbing things about the Easter Bunny...namely that he's a terrible speller and uses a lot of white out. Also, he seemed to follow around a young SassyBritches a lot and, well, recorded all of his findings in what I can only imagine is a very detailed diary that he hides under the life-size shrine he's erected to her made entirely of those little lint balls SassyBritches found on the insides of her sweaters. I'm sure there's a discarded pair of Umbros in there, too.

Don't believe me? Read for yourself across not one, not two, but three extended scenes in which the Easter Bunny reveals that he's only a trenchcoat away from being a threat to public decency!

To that end, children, let this be a lesson to us all; since everything sounds more profound when uttered in Latin, let us heed this warning:

Magnus Cuniculus te spectat!


Pronounced: "Mawg-noose coon-eek-you-loose tay spake-taht!"

Next week: To infinitive, and beyond!

21 comments:

Sass said...

1. Rabbits creep me out. I used to have nightmares about them.

2. I will never look at a chocolate egg the same. Suckling at the chocolate teat isn't something I'd prefer doing.

3. Scratch number 2, I'll eat just as much chocolate, regardless of the teat imagery.

Scope said...

I totally read that as "chocolatey TREATS that they are".

Now I have a much better image in my mammary.

Sassy Britches said...

For a minute there, I thought you were casting aspersions as to the size of my OWN teats with the "little lint balls found on the insides of her sweaters" comment. :)

And that pronunciation breakdown is the most disturbing one I've ever seen!

Susan said...

Jesus Christ. I'm craving some god damn chocolate eggs suddenly! Oh, and that picture??!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Sass: I take it, "Night of the Lepus" is not one of your must-see movies?

@ SassyBritches: There's a name for those little lint balls, but I can't think of what it is. How about "the fuzzies in her sweater"? No, that sounds worse...

@ Scope: Breast wishes for the Easter Egg hunt this weekend.

@ Susan: I was going to go with the rabbit run over with a basket of smashed eggs picture that Scope has over at his place, however...I found this one, which, given my stance about the lascivious nature of the Easter Bunny, fits in perfectly.

Scope said...

And the white rabbit whispers to the brown chicken, "Brown cow gets it next."

;-)

Cora said...

My, you do paint a pretty picture. I'm now craving chocolate. I wonder why....

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Scope: Dang, we need to get Cowguy in on this, don't we?

@ Cora: Because you like suckling at the Easter Bunny's cacao-laden teat?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Latin rabbits and chickens are weird. I need to go lie down now.

Moooooog35 said...

I suppose this explains the Cadbury Bunny.

Soda and Candy said...

so THAT'S how they get bunny eggs!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

lol at Soda and Candy!

I dont plan on suckling any teats this Sunday, other than some cream out of the Cadbury egg....with the image of the bunny and the chicken burned into my memory.

Gwen said...

True to my rebellious nature, and in Costanza fashion, I have created my own spring holiday that I call Eastover. I'll be serving a small ham and matzo ball soup on Sunday.

Frank said...

My parents were never very good with Easter. No one in my family is religious, so there were some years when we'd wake up but there would be no candy or eggs hidden around the house. "Dad, did the Easter bunny come?" we'd ask. He'd get all nervous and say something like, "Uh I saw him coming, but I think a hawk got him. Maybe he'll be back next year."

Chemgeek said...

I guess it's time to watch Donnie Darko again.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246578/

If you've never seen it my comment is meaningless. I mean, more so that usual.

TishTash said...

Bunny's are scary now? Where did my childhood go?

We can always use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Mary Moore: How do you separate the rabbits from the chickens in Rome? With a crowbar, apparently.

Also, gives a new meaning to "when in Rome..."

@ Moooooog35: Thank you. I was hoping someone would make that joke for me.

@ Soda & Candy This could also be the inspiration for the origin of Peeps.

@ Candy: Kind of burned into your retina, isn't it?

@ Gwen: Will there be feats of strength? Will one of them be "resisting free ham"?

@ Frank: Jesus, what happened to Santa Claus? The fireplace monster eat him? Did your dad leave a pile of ash and some black boots on the hearth and just stand there, sadly shaking his head on Christmas morning?

@ Chemgeek: I got the reference, but haven't seen the movie. One wonders if there were any six-foot-invisible-chickens running around during Harvey.

@ TishTash: Hold that thought. I'm hoping Zibbs bravely goes forward, proclaiming rabbit stew for everyone tonight. Should he fail to do so, please be ready to help me count to five.

coolred38 said...

We celbrated a different sort of Easter...my mother would spend Easter eve lovingly coloring eggs...decorating baskets...and planning where to hide the eggs...

dad would spend Easter day...throwing whatever eggs he found at us...destroying our baskets...eating all the good candy and throwing the rest to the neighbor kids...and telling us...theres no such thing as a fucking easter bunny...but he taught us that there is such a thing as a fucking father who hates to see smiles of joy on his childrens faces

thanks jenks...you sure can bring back the memories...lol

Margo said...

I just now realized why the Easter bunny that visits children is a guy in a rabbit suit. It's because he's a lot less scary and concerning than the real thing. They're rodents with ears and not the adorable furry creatures I once believed.

Hap said...

1) What, because Easter would be better with clowns? A clown with a chocolate teat might bring thoughts of resurrection, but probably not much hope. It would probably make a(nother) good clown horror novel.

2)I would have figured "little lint balls", if it meant anything unseemly, would apply to something(s) else.

3) I wonder if the Easter Bunny uses peeps for pickup lines. "Hey, you know, I taste just like this...."

Lisa-tastrophies said...

All I know about Big E is that he leaves me a small but substantial smaller E's for my ear-decapitation eating pleasure. Doesn't matter who makes them or how wonderful the chocolate taste, I can only eat the ear and part of the head. The rest of the bunny body rests in the refridge until it turns that grayish sugar-chocolate separation color and then has to be thrown out. Luckily Harry & David's now makes E~ Bunnies with extremely large ears, a little head and no body.
Guess I am not the only E-Bunny decapitator running around.