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Urinal Conversations

April 14, 2009

Here's an actual event from yesterday:

*guy follows me from the lab to the men's restroom, where he sidles up next to me at the urinal (there are only two)*

Friend: I see I'm following in the steps of greatness.
Me: Either that, or you really had to piss.
Friend: Oh, now, that's not very nice.
Me: I like to think of myself as overly-humble...especially while standing next to someone in the restroom, with my pants open. *beat* Especially when that someone is from Texas; we all know everything is bigger there.
Friend: You know, Mr. Jenks, there's a fine line between humility and self-deprecation. And you can use that in that blog you write.

There you go, buddy, I think I will use it.


Sassy Britches said...

What? No naked lady in the men's room? At what kind of lab do you work? Sheesh, how I'm so disillusioned right now.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Scary how he knows you write a blog as well as everything else. Methinks you've got yourself a stalker there.

coolred38 said...

I really need to hang out by the mens room a little more...when men are standing around with their Johnson's in their hands...they say the darndest things.

Sass said...

The only thought that keeps running through my head is this...

If women behaved like men, I could never use a public restroom. I couldn't handle any type of discussion about my coochie whilst going to the bathroom.

That's all I'll say.

Anna Russell said...

This blog post made me use my mental measuring tape. *titter*

Moooooog35 said...

* I'm moving to Texas. These pills aren't helping here.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm so glad our bathroom at work is private.

Cora said...

And here I thought men never socialized in the bathroom! Go figure.

Soda and Candy said...

I'm with Sass - thanks for giving me a reason to be happy to be female!

Dr Zibbs said...

Give him a swirly next time.

Scope said...

Serious breach of the rules, talking at the urinals.

And if you're going to be self-depricating, use the stall, that's nasty.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ SassyBritches: The kind of lab that knows that a nekkid chick in the bathroom would be distracting to the largely male populace that comprises the workforce.

@ Mary: This is the same dude who told the HR director that, if she needed someone to help her figure out how to run a blog, I'm the guy to talk to.

I learned, shortly thereafter, that, despite my best attempts, I could, in fact, not turn invisible.

Also, I love commas.

@ CoolRed38: This is news to you?

@ Sass: Especially when that conversation ends in "Everything is Texas is bigger", right?

@ Anna: That mental measuring tape is marked off in millimeters, right? Oh, fuck, wait, meters. I meant meters!

@ Moooooog35: You know, they have hot women in Texas. I don't know if you can handle that.

@ FancySchmancy: Maybe if it works hard, it can move up to Corporal.

@ Cora: So long as there's no eye contact or crossing of the streams, there is minimal socialization.

@ Soda&Candy: Never let it be said that I'm not providing a much needed social service.

@ Dr. Zibbs: He's from Texas. I wouldn't be giving him a swirly, I'd be giving the swirly him.

@ Scope: Thus the identifying tag in the subject line. However, we have a crack janitorial staff, so I feel as if I can self-depricate wherever I please.

Kimizzy said...

I have to admit, this post got me a little hot and bothered.

Kellie said...

This makes me glad that I'm a woman and we get to pee in private.

LiLu said...

Re: Sass, "If women behaved like men, I could never use a public restroom. I couldn't handle any type of discussion about my coochie whilst going to the bathroom."

Oh... that's not normal?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Kimizzy: I have to admit, this comment got me a little hot and bothered.

@ Kellie: Is it really all that private, because I'm pretty sure you can hear the tinkle tinkle of water hitting water, and let's not forget the ability to see shoes and feet under the stalls.

@ LiLu: You know, you have a point. Next time my buddy sidles up next to me at the urinal, I think I'm going to discuss Sass' coochie with him.

The Ambiguous Blob said...


Kimizzy said...

Ooooh really? :)

Hey where's the shit being Totally Blown Up?

Not that I'm complaining; post away about large penises, see if I complain.

Sass said...

If we're going to discuss my coochie, the only word I can find in this post that would work is "greatness."

I'm just sayin'.

Chaka said...

He was breaking the cardinal urinal etiquette rule. You never use one right next to another person unless it's so crowded that you have no choice.

Phat Mama said...

As much as I yearn for the ability to pee whilst standing up..

Having to do so while other men crowd around me, all of them holding their pickles, is a deal breaker.

Me and my vagina are staying safely locked behind the door.

Vic said...

I picture the men's room like a big elevator, only with extra genitals.
It sounds pretty fancy.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Sounds to me like just a little shop talk between colleauges. Is that a big urinal violation? It would be waaay creepier if he was trying to get a good look at you.

~E said...

Two in two days? Wow. I might have to start visiting men's urinals more often.

Hap said...

For me the immortal comment at a urinal was made when I was in a neighboring stall.

A: Benign prostatic hypertrophy.
B: What?
A: Benign prostatic hypertrophy. That's why it doesn't come out as fast as it used to.

I was very glad I was in a stall at that point. A had already well proven his lack of social graces before this (other than being comprehensively useless, he dropped an anti-Semitic slur on one of the other employees. I wasn't around for that, though), but this was the clincher.