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Inspirational Reads

That's All Folks

July 25, 2007

With apologies to Mel Blanc and Porky Pig...

THERE ARE SERIOUS HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILERS AHEAD. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BOOK SEVEN, DESIST READING NOW! YOU HAVE BEEN FAIRLY WARNED. HERMIONE DIES!

Okay, now that that's out of the way (Hermione doesn't die, dude)...time for a review. But, let's recap my "bold predictions" first. In descending order:

1) Regulus Black is Rufus Scrimgeour
I guess the teenage boys with little wangs win this round. But, seriously...Regulus and Scrimgeour were linked once more: both were seriously killed in the most lame ways ever. What the fuck was the point of Scrimgeour? He appeared in book 6, talked to Tony Blair, came to Slughorn's party & Dumbledore's funeral, gave Harry, Ron and Hermione their presents from Dumbledore, and then died. Lame. I'm seriously disappointed here.

2) Snape dies
Nailed this one. Sure, he kind of died off camera, but he died to protect Harry, and then explained everything in his memories. And damned if he wasn't a tortured soul for telling Voldemort about the prophecy and then knowing Lily was killed.

3) Voldemort wasn't alone at the Potters' House
Kind of a disappointment here. Especially since JKR said in an interview after Half-Blood Prince that Voldemort wasn't alone. But if he hadn't been alone, I'm sure Snape would have been there. Seriously.

4) Harry got the Reprieve
Well, Harry did survive. I guess, technically, he did die. I think this might have been right. There's a good chance that Hagrid got it, though. That scene, with the spiders...really kind of weird. I didn't know what to think.

5) Harry is the seventh horcux!
I'm taking full credit on this one. Incidental contact still gets you a 15-yard penalty in college football. Especially if you play for Notre Dame.

6) Snape's Patronus is a Lily
Not quite, but damned effing close. I thought that everyone's Patronus was different, and I didn't know you could have the same as the one someone else had just because you had a crush. I won't take full credit, but it was close enough. Plus, it didn't take me long to figure out who had sent the Doe Patronus through the woods to lead Harry to the sword.

7a) Umbridge gets her comeuppance
She did get stunned and had the Locket stolen from around her neck. And Moody's eye. Stupid bitch. Where was she at the end? Someone needed to crunch her. I'm guessing that MacGonagal transformed her into a frog and stepped on her. Stupid old toad.

7b) Neville gets revenge
Again, not quite, but he did lead the charge against the Death Eaters, slaid Nagini, and turned into the new herbology prof. Not bad. And Molly Weasley finally busting out the big drawers and calling out Bellatrix Lestrange and then killing her was a nice touch and a good capper to the battle.

7c) Zacharias Smith has the cup
Actually, the way things worked out, I'm glad he didn't. Effing pussy. Knocking women and kids out of the way like George Castanza running from the fire in the kitchen. Hufflepuff sucks. Sorry, Cedric.

7d) Kreacher has the Locket horcrux
Well, he did. I'm taking credit for it. Stupid Mundungus (more on him later).

7e) Fudge was a DE
What the hell? Only one mention of Fudge throughout the whole thing. Chances are, he was, and got killed. What crap.

7f) Percy Weasley dies
Well, Percy did "die". When he had to apologize, he died. And he did it because of his family, which was the main reason why I thought he'd die, for the full retribution thing. The way things turned out, this was better. I actually was shaking with excitement as the army to defend Hogwarts was showing up, and when Percy arrived, I had to turn off my fan. That was awesome.

7g) Hogwarts is closed
Nope. Wrong.

7h) MacGonagal is the new Headmistress
It was Snape. I have a feeling that MacGonagal got it after Snape. Would have liked to have seen that worked out in the epilogue. Sort of right. Winged it.

7i) New House named House Dumbledore
Would have been a nice touch, but I knew that was a stretch. Anyway.

8) Snape is good
For all those idiots who told me I was dead wrong, Nyeh. You could totally tell during the story that he was good, too, the way he kept deflecting things and not taking out punishment, even for busting into his office and trying to steal the sword. Blah. People who didn't see this are dumb. God, Snape kicks ass. God, Alan Rickman kicks ass. I think he might be my favorite character in the end.

9) Dumbledore isn't dead
I guess he was, but, seriously, it was like he wasn't. Harry still had contact with him, as much as he ever did in any of the books. Some cryptic contacts in the beginning, full exposition in the end. But, yes, his body was lifeless.

10) R.A.B. = Regulus Black
Got that one again. Even supplied the middle name. Boom goes the dynamite.

I was going to post further thoughts on the book, but this one is long enough as it is. So, look for a full review later in the night. Again, more spoilers.

To recap:

1) No
2) Yes
3) No, but with an asterisk
4) Probably
5) Yes
6) Close enough
7a) Close
7b) Close
7c) Dead Wrong. Fucking pussy.
7d) Yes, but with an asterisk
7e) Maybe?
7f) Close enough
7g) No
7h) No, but probably yes in the end
7i) No, but who really thought this would happen
8) A resounding yes
9) A resounding no
10) Touchdown

So, it turns out to be 10/18, or 55.56%. Not too bad, especially with all of the loose ends that weren't tied up (Umbridge, Fudge, Headmaster/mistress after Snape). I guess, on the whole, I'm a little better at predicting basketball than Harry Potter spoilers.

And I'm still pissed about the way Regulus and Scrimgeour died.

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