A cold, dismal rain fell upon the walls of Camelot. King Arthur sat, brooding, in his personal chambers. He rested his brow upon his left hand while he clutched a chalice of wine in his right. Staring into the fire, he barely heard the knock that came upon his door.
"Enter," he barked. As Merlin strode through the portal and made to bow, Arthur waved off his genuflection and silently gestured to another chair, tacitly instructing his court magician to seat himself.
"What bothers you, my king?" Merlin asked as he sat, "Your summons seemed pressed and urgent."
"I need to travel north, my old friend," Arthur immediately stated. "I have arranged for a meeting with the chiefs of the Pictish and Caledonian tribes." Arthur sighed. "I cannot hope to repel the Saxons if I must guard against attack from the north. I seek to foment peace with the northerners, with an eye toward an alliance against our invaders."
"Well thought, my king," Merlin countered.
"I will be leaving in a week," Arthur continued. "Since northern blood courses through your veins, I am asking that you accompany me on the journey."
"Of course, my king," Merlin beamed. "It will be good to see my old homelands once again.""I wish to travel lightly," Arthur stated flatly, "It will just be the two of us, and, my friend, we travel as equals. I do not want the northerners to see me as a conquerer, but rather as an ally. At the same time, I want the Saxons to think that I remain holed up in the castle, awaiting their attack." The king sighed. "To that end, I will leave the Knights of the Round Table here to guard Camelot."
"A bold plan," Merlin stated, rubbing his chin.
"To be sure," Arthur replied, "but the real rub is in my Lady wife. I want absolutely nothing to besmirch my Lady's good name while I am gone. I need you, Merlin, to think of a way to protect her while I am gone."
"But, my king, the Knights of the Round Table will be here. They have taken oaths to protect you and Queen Guinevere!"
"The knights are my main reason for concern," Arthur stated. "I trust them in battle to remain true to me, to follow the code of chivalry that I have established, but when presented with an unparalleled beauty like that of the Queen's..." Arthur's words trailed off into a sigh. "They are only men, Merlin, and as creatures crafted of flesh, they are susceptible to carnal temptations."
"I understand, my King, and I think I know of a solution," Merlin said, nodding.
"Good, then, return to me in three days with your solution. After that, we shall prepare to leave for the northern kingdoms."
In three days time, Merlin returned and met with the king in Arthur's chambers once more. This time, however, he brought with him a contraption that looked much like a chastity belt, save that it had a guillotine-like blade at the front opening to dissuade potential penetrants.
"Brilliant!" Arthur stated. "Prepare your things, my friend. We leave two mornings hence." With that, Arthur swept from his chambers with the chastity belt in his grasp so that he may fit it upon his lady wife.
True to his word, Arthur and Merlin left two mornings later, setting a brisk pace for the northern kingdoms where they were met with warm greetings and open minds. The meetings with the northern clan chiefs was a success and, after several days of celebrating, Arthur and Merlin set out to return to Camelot, a peace treaty and mutual protection pact with the northern tribes in place. The Picts and Caledonians had agreed to join with Arthur to repel the foreign invaders in the east and Arthur promised to not try and conquer the north for his own.Returning triumphant, Arthur summoned the Knights of the Round Table to his war room where they would discuss their strategies for battling the Saxons. However, he noticed that several of the knights came limping into room, and Arthur was given to a fit of rage where he demanded that every knight remove his pants immediately. Upon inspection, Arthur saw that the knights were mutilated from where they had tried to circumvent Queen Guinevere's chastity belt. As Arthur continued to inspect those men he trusted as his friends, he saw that all of them--Sir Bors, Sir Kay, Sir Gawain, Sir Percival--were damaged beyond repair.
Finally, at the end of the line stood Sir Lancelot. A simple glance showed Arthur that Lancelot was unmutilated and whole. Overjoyed, he embraced the young knight.
"Lancelot, my dearest friend whom I love above all others," Arthur lauded the youth, "I knew I could trust you. You, among all of my friends and allies, I could trust with the sanctity of my marriage and the honor of my wife. Thank you...thank you, my friend. Now, please, speak and remind your fellow knights of the oaths each of you took to never force a lady or a gentlewoman."
However, Sir Lancelot was speechless.
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A Legendary Tale
March 18, 2009Posted by MJenks at 12:28 PM 15 comments
Labels: epic, I are good at writting
Sunday Free For All
March 15, 2009Not a lot of people read this on the weekends, so I thought I'd just throw up a grab bag of shit that I've accumulated recently, thinking "Hey, that would make a fun little post." But then I didn't get around to it because, remember people, my lack of ambition at overcoming entropy sometimes outweighs my desire to tickle your fancies. If you need help plotting the relationship between my love of your comments versus my inherent laziness, I suggest the Arrhenius equation.
Anyway, remember that book thing I'm trying to work on and publish and all that shit? Well, for one, I'm waiting a bit for the economy to not be so dour before plunging headlong into the submission pool once anon. Hopefully, with the president telling everyone NOT to believe the media hype (for once), things will slowly begin to tick up. Now, if we could get more institutions to not take bailout money, the stock markets would begin to slide back up and then some enterprising agent would be like "awesome, let's print this thing!"
So, as you remember, I'm working on a big fantasy story. Since I've basically crafted an entire world for my characters, I decided to work in the whole element of realism that follows along with history, political structures and religion. For the religion aspect, I based my deities on Norse and Germanic mythology, with a healthy dose of Celtic, for good measure. When I did that, I busted open my guide to the gods and read, cover to cover, the section on Norse mythology. Imagine, then, my sheer giddy glee when I stumbled across a web comic centered on the dysfunction surrounding the Norse gods. I've been delighting in this for weeks now; here's the link to Brat-Halla. It might help to read it and keep open the Encyclopedia Mythica, in case you're not familiar with who Hod, Heimdall, Syf, Tyr, Frigg and Baldur are (I assume you know who Thor, Odin and Loki are...oh, and the Valkyries).
Jidai posted this the other day, but I have to steal it and leave it here, in case you missed out on it. There are some excellent nuggets of geeky reference in this.
If you're a football fan and you're not reading Kissing Suzy Kolber, you're doing yourself a disservice. For instance, here's their recent Watchmen parody as played out by NFL players. I'm not sure which I like more, Silk Steeler or BoobsAssTits.

Okay, last Watchmen thing. No matter how brilliant this is, this comic is disturbingly funny. It makes a lot more sense if you've read the comic or at least seen the movie. Thanks to Theory of Everything for making this possible.
And in case you missed the twin celebrations yesterday...or thought I was making it all up...here's the histories behind Pi Day (it's 3-14, in case you couldn't figure it out) and Steak and Blow Job Day (kind of NSFW link). Now, where's Nej to tell me that she learns something every time she reads my blog?
Remembering Charlton Heston
April 7, 2008In the depths of my Nerdvana from this past weekend, I didn't realize that Charlton Heston had died until my wife told me about it Sunday evening.
I'm not going to talk about what a great actor Heston was, nor will I touch on his political life, but I will say that perhaps my favorite movie he's been in (and his filmography is extensive)was Ben-Hur. In the eighth grade, we watched Ben-Hur in conjunction with my social studies class as the teacher was a huge fan of the Roman Empire, and there were some Roman things in Ben-Hur, I guess. It fascinated me. This was before I really had any idea that there were grand, great stories on film, but this was one of those moments when my mind began to open up to the possibilities of life beyond the Police Academy movies. The movie was just that good, that well-done that I instantly fell in love with it. I've watched it a handful of times since, and always I have the same thoughts on it.
However, Ben-Hur was not my favorite character played by Heston. Oh no. For that, you would have to look to Colonel George Taylor, the astronaut played by Heston in Planet of the Apes. Why this character? you may ask. Simple. Taylor was from Fort Wayne, IN, which is the city I associate with my hometown (more people have heard of Fort Wayne, IN than they have of Markle, IN, which is a sleepy little village about 22 miles south of Fort Wayne). Another notable fictional character from Fort Wayne, IN was Fawn Leibowitz, who was the girl killed in a car wreck in the movie Animal House. While I was still living there, there was an indy band that toured the area from Fort Wayne named Fawn Leibowitz. I suppose that had more drawing power (and was far more humorous) than a band named after George Taylor.
Rest in peace, Mr. Heston. You'll always be remembered for your incredible presence on the screen as well as the trivial fact of one of your character's home towns.
Posted by MJenks at 2:31 PM 3 comments
Labels: amusing tidbits from my life, epic, memorial, trivia
Nerd-vana
One thing about my April Fool's post where I claimed I was tired was that almost all of that was true: I do have a lot of work ahead of me, or to do, or on my plate, whichever cliche you'd like to us. I did a lot of that this weekend, specifically on Saturday. Thusly, I rewarded myself on Saturday and Sunday nights.
How? you might ask. Well, I laid on my bed and/or couch and flipped back and forth between the Lord of the Rings movies on TNT and the Star Wars prequels on Spike (with a little bit of Kansas beating the shit out of Carolina on Saturday night, just for the sheer joy that it brought me). To add to that, I also threw in a healthy dose of Final Fantasy XII and, in case I didn't get me enough Tolkien with the movies, I was reading Children of Húrin.
Yes, I had reached a state of Nerd-vana. The only way I could go further would have been to have a stack of old X-Men comics at my side so that I could read up on the whacky adventures of Wolverine and Jubilee. *shudder*
One thing that stood out for me, though, whilst viewing these two trilogies: as good as the Lord of the Rings movies were (and I have some serious issues with the Two Towers...I don't consider myself a Tolkien purist, but there was just some bad series of events that went on in the second movie), the Star Wars movies were that bad.
I realize that Lucas could never connect with the awesome power of the original three stories (episodes IV through VI, if you will), since we all already knew what would happen to Annakin Skywalker. But, come on. Let someone read through your script and be like "Wow, this dialogue sucks, dude." For all the sweeping camera angles, immense battle scenes, and close ups of the characters so that you couldn't tell they were standing on their knees, the cinematography of the Lord of the Rings movies was incredible. Not so with the Star Wars movies. Oh, here, let's zoom in on a couple of Clone Troopers pointing to a target. That's not awkward or anything. While Peter Jackson masterfully wove together the two or three major story elements that were going on (depending on where the story stood) by putting together long scenes filled with character and plot development, Lucas hashed together several short, disjointed scenes that did not forward the story at all, but rather simply gave us one more thing to guess at (wait, why was this guy doing this?).
While neither series was perfect (though, in my opinion, Return of the King was about as perfect as you could get), the flaws of one movie series were enough that it detracted from the story overall. Though there were several instances of very "un-Tolkien-like" dialogue in the Lord of the Rings ("No one tosses a Dwarf!" or "This...is a pint!"), the dialogue at least worked well with the characters. Not so with Star Wars. Lines such as "I killed them...I killed them all!" should have been character-defining moments; instead, they were insipidly delivered, invoking a groan and a rolling of the eyes from the audience rather than empathy and compassion and a glimpse into the defining soul of the character.
If nothing else, I can take from this a more rounded critical eye that I can apply to my own works. One thing that I've heard over and again is that I have none of these dialogue issues; however, the delivery of some of the words and lines need to be more fine tuned (again, thanks to Julie, who originally wrote that down for me in some of my earliest editorial comments). With this in mind, I have more comfort and more confidence in pushing forward and getting these things cleaned up and ready to go. That is, of course, unless there's another marathon of movies on that I want to watch (despite the fact that I own the DVDs...).
Note: I learned while searching for pictures that there are a lot of people out there that have named their cats Eowyn. And taken pictures of them. And shown them on the internet. Yeesh.
It's the End of Potter Mania as We Know It (and I Don't Feel Fine)
July 26, 2007So, the furor over book seven has died down. I know I said I would post this last night, but I got busy doing other things. Plus, I went to bed early. I've been up late the past few nights reading. Take a stab at what I might have been reading.
Oh yeah. Spoilers Alert. Stop reading unless you really want to know that Harry survives and nails Ginny three times in the end (of the book...pervert).
Now, as to the story. For the first 450 pages, I was really, really disappointed. For one, I was half expecting a bloodbath from the very beginning. Instead, we don't even really see the deaths of Mad-Eye and Hedwig. They just sort of...died.
The lead-up to the wedding was painfully drawn out and boring. The wedding was painfully drawn out and boring. The aftermath of the wedding was painfully boring. And then there was just "Scrimgeour is dead". What the hell? All the character deaths were off-screen. Give me a break. And what was the fricking point of introducing us to Scrimgeour? Fudge could have gotten the same effect. And Fudge would have been more pliable for Voldemort's plans. Maybe I'm just still bitter about the whole lack of Regulus/Scrimgeour connection, I dunno. Still. And what about Regulus? All we know is that he got pulled under by a bunch of inferi. Blah. If two people have died any less spectacular deaths than Sirius and Regulus Black, I truly pity them. One fell through a curtain and died; the other was just a dumbass and didn't bring anyone along to help him. Numbnuts.
Finally, we come to the "apparate around the countryside" stretch of the book. Christ, at least Quidditch was readable. It was just a long line of "it was cold, it was rainy, it was cold, it was snowy, Ron's a punk". And then Ron shows up, tells Harry NOT to say Voldemort's name, and what does dumbass do? Promptly, I might add? Harry was just a non-stop pissy little dumbass throughout the last three books. Yeah, people didn't believe you that Voldemort returned. Next time, Harry, try being subtle.
And then, finally, something happened. The scenes at the Malfoy estates finally became a good read, and the first stages of the final battles were being fought. It felt good to see some action taking place and to finally begin weaving all of these storylines together.
I don't feel I need to rehash things, but I will say that when they finally figured out that Hogwarts held the final horcrux that things got really good. The tension being built by the return to Hogwarts (and man did Snape get a raw deal from MacGonagal!) was finally capped off by EVERYONE showing up to fight. Literally, as Neville and Seamus and Dean and Luna and all stood up to pissy-ass Harry and demanded they be included in the fight, my interest was swept up in the brewing melee. As more and more people came down that tunnel into the room of requirment, I began to tremble with giddy excitement. Here came the bloodbath I so desired, especially since Star Wars: Episode III, was such a let down.
And, man, the fact that MacGonagal led the charge was awesome (shouldn't have been a surprise...her first name IS Minerva, after all). I could just see Maggie Smith in the role, pressing her lips together in a sign of unbridled fury. Oh, it was fantastic. And, how all the Hogwarts teachers finally stood up and did something--it was obvious why Dumbledore had to die.
Anyway, the final pages passed in a blur. I knew that Lupine and Tonks were already dead (obvious from the first chapter), and expected one of the Weasleys (admittedly, Percy, but Fred did have a more dramatic twist) to be offed. And, of course, I knew Snape would die. However, as I read the final chapters, I could hear the stupid bitch in Gwinnett, Georgia screaming blasphemy as Harry died and then rose again to defeat Voldemort. It was a nice little Christ figure nod that pops up all the time in fantasy literature, but given the vehemence that certain people display toward Harry Potter because, you know, it's black magic and in league with the Devil, I could sense the outrage rolling through the born-again Christian communities.
Overall, however, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. Sure, Harry realized that Snape was a good guy and was trying to get him whipped into shape in order to be able to handle whatever Voldemort threw at him. I would have really liked, however, to have seen Harry turn to Snape's portrait in the Headmaster's office (I assume that there was one...Snape was, after all, dead...Dumbledore's portrait showed up right away) and look up at Severus and simply say "I'm sorry. Thank you."
I was also disappointed that nothing came of Umbridge. She got stunned and the horcrux stolen from her...she had Moody's eye, so one can only assume that she got the body from the Death Eater's after they killed Mad-Eye. Why not toss her in the end and have a rock fall on her.
And the battle scenes, while gripping, just sort of...petered out. There were flashes of brilliance, capped by Molly Weasley fighting Bellatrix Lestrange (a masterful pairing, if ever I saw one), but then there were scenes like Fred's death. He didn't move anymore. That's it. Done. Over. I thought so many things could have been wrapped up nicely during the fight; the girl on the ground that Ginny was comforting could have been Cho Chang; Mundungus could have showed up and started capping DEs, thereby redeeming himself. But, oh well. You can't please everyone now, can you?
Overall, the final few chapters could not really help to save this story. The introduction of the Deathly Hallows was...awkward, it seemed. Perhaps if Grindewald had been mentioned more, or his wand had been mentioned, or even mention of the Resurrection Stone at least once, that would have made the story a little more cohesive. As it was, it seemed as though it was something entirely contrived for the final book rather than a way to unite all the other threads in the book. Looking back, yeah, perhaps there were clues left, but it still seemed like this came hurtling at us from the outfield.
Don't get me wrong; what J.K. Rowling has done is crafted a new modern epic on the same level as Star Wars (I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago). In 50 years, Harry Potter might well be studied and picked apart like Lord of the Rings is in some English majors. And I would have no problem with this. Personally, I cannot say enough about what JKR has done for the genre that I seek to enter. Sure, there are the small-minded pinheads that bitch about the evilness of the black magic in the Harry Potter stories and the people who still consider fantasy/sci-fi a niche genre. However, each one of the Harry Potter stories made it more mainstream; it suddenly became cool to be a sci-fi nerd, dressing up and partying about the release of a brand new story.
Perhaps I had my heart broken because my vision for the finish of the series was not the same as the author's. Perhaps I have no qualms over killing my characters whereas Rowling has made them such vital parts of the world she has created that they have become friends. Perhaps it could be that I'm disappointed my favorite characters did not play more crucial, vital roles. Perhaps it's just that Rowling and I are two different authors.
Whatever the reasons, it does not matter. The series is ended, with a slow release "bang". And I, for one, am grateful for the past ten years. We might never see a series of books like this ever again. We should savor and love them, read them until their bindings are weak and their pages are dogeared. Most of all, we shouldn't be overly critical, but instead, simply enjoy them for what they are: a damned fine story.
Posted by MJenks at 10:08 PM 0 comments
Labels: epic, Harry Potter, spoilers
That's All Folks
July 25, 2007With apologies to Mel Blanc and Porky Pig...
THERE ARE SERIOUS HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILERS AHEAD. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BOOK SEVEN, DESIST READING NOW! YOU HAVE BEEN FAIRLY WARNED. HERMIONE DIES!
Okay, now that that's out of the way (Hermione doesn't die, dude)...time for a review. But, let's recap my "bold predictions" first. In descending order:
1) Regulus Black is Rufus Scrimgeour
I guess the teenage boys with little wangs win this round. But, seriously...Regulus and Scrimgeour were linked once more: both were seriously killed in the most lame ways ever. What the fuck was the point of Scrimgeour? He appeared in book 6, talked to Tony Blair, came to Slughorn's party & Dumbledore's funeral, gave Harry, Ron and Hermione their presents from Dumbledore, and then died. Lame. I'm seriously disappointed here.
2) Snape dies
Nailed this one. Sure, he kind of died off camera, but he died to protect Harry, and then explained everything in his memories. And damned if he wasn't a tortured soul for telling Voldemort about the prophecy and then knowing Lily was killed.
3) Voldemort wasn't alone at the Potters' House
Kind of a disappointment here. Especially since JKR said in an interview after Half-Blood Prince that Voldemort wasn't alone. But if he hadn't been alone, I'm sure Snape would have been there. Seriously.
4) Harry got the Reprieve
Well, Harry did survive. I guess, technically, he did die. I think this might have been right. There's a good chance that Hagrid got it, though. That scene, with the spiders...really kind of weird. I didn't know what to think.
5) Harry is the seventh horcux!
I'm taking full credit on this one. Incidental contact still gets you a 15-yard penalty in college football. Especially if you play for Notre Dame.
6) Snape's Patronus is a Lily
Not quite, but damned effing close. I thought that everyone's Patronus was different, and I didn't know you could have the same as the one someone else had just because you had a crush. I won't take full credit, but it was close enough. Plus, it didn't take me long to figure out who had sent the Doe Patronus through the woods to lead Harry to the sword.
7a) Umbridge gets her comeuppance
She did get stunned and had the Locket stolen from around her neck. And Moody's eye. Stupid bitch. Where was she at the end? Someone needed to crunch her. I'm guessing that MacGonagal transformed her into a frog and stepped on her. Stupid old toad.
7b) Neville gets revenge
Again, not quite, but he did lead the charge against the Death Eaters, slaid Nagini, and turned into the new herbology prof. Not bad. And Molly Weasley finally busting out the big drawers and calling out Bellatrix Lestrange and then killing her was a nice touch and a good capper to the battle.
7c) Zacharias Smith has the cup
Actually, the way things worked out, I'm glad he didn't. Effing pussy. Knocking women and kids out of the way like George Castanza running from the fire in the kitchen. Hufflepuff sucks. Sorry, Cedric.
7d) Kreacher has the Locket horcrux
Well, he did. I'm taking credit for it. Stupid Mundungus (more on him later).
7e) Fudge was a DE
What the hell? Only one mention of Fudge throughout the whole thing. Chances are, he was, and got killed. What crap.
7f) Percy Weasley dies
Well, Percy did "die". When he had to apologize, he died. And he did it because of his family, which was the main reason why I thought he'd die, for the full retribution thing. The way things turned out, this was better. I actually was shaking with excitement as the army to defend Hogwarts was showing up, and when Percy arrived, I had to turn off my fan. That was awesome.
7g) Hogwarts is closed
Nope. Wrong.
7h) MacGonagal is the new Headmistress
It was Snape. I have a feeling that MacGonagal got it after Snape. Would have liked to have seen that worked out in the epilogue. Sort of right. Winged it.
7i) New House named House Dumbledore
Would have been a nice touch, but I knew that was a stretch. Anyway.
8) Snape is good
For all those idiots who told me I was dead wrong, Nyeh. You could totally tell during the story that he was good, too, the way he kept deflecting things and not taking out punishment, even for busting into his office and trying to steal the sword. Blah. People who didn't see this are dumb. God, Snape kicks ass. God, Alan Rickman kicks ass. I think he might be my favorite character in the end.
9) Dumbledore isn't dead
I guess he was, but, seriously, it was like he wasn't. Harry still had contact with him, as much as he ever did in any of the books. Some cryptic contacts in the beginning, full exposition in the end. But, yes, his body was lifeless.
10) R.A.B. = Regulus Black
Got that one again. Even supplied the middle name. Boom goes the dynamite.
I was going to post further thoughts on the book, but this one is long enough as it is. So, look for a full review later in the night. Again, more spoilers.
To recap:
1) No
2) Yes
3) No, but with an asterisk
4) Probably
5) Yes
6) Close enough
7a) Close
7b) Close
7c) Dead Wrong. Fucking pussy.
7d) Yes, but with an asterisk
7e) Maybe?
7f) Close enough
7g) No
7h) No, but probably yes in the end
7i) No, but who really thought this would happen
8) A resounding yes
9) A resounding no
10) Touchdown
So, it turns out to be 10/18, or 55.56%. Not too bad, especially with all of the loose ends that weren't tied up (Umbridge, Fudge, Headmaster/mistress after Snape). I guess, on the whole, I'm a little better at predicting basketball than Harry Potter spoilers.
And I'm still pissed about the way Regulus and Scrimgeour died.
Posted by MJenks at 1:22 PM 0 comments
Labels: epic, Harry Potter, predictions, spoilers
Ten Bold Predictions: Number Five
June 26, 2007Okay, so I started the day out with a happy post about beer and running.
Then I went a little frightening and sad with the near...bad news...of my son.
So...I'm a few hours away from leaving on "vacation" (it's in South Bend, IN, thus the quote marks around vacation) and I'm a little behind on the whole prediction front. So, let's go a bit more light-hearted tonight and do a little Harry Potter action. Oh, look, it's about pieces of souls and death! How happy!
Harry is the last horcrux!
I know. I know. Impossible, you say. I've taken a lot of heat for this in various on-line forums, but this is the only possible solution that makes sense to me. And I'm an author...er...sorta.
We know from HBP that Voldemort was looking to make himself invincible by splitting his soul into seven pieces, which is the magic number in wizarding circles. We also know that Dumbledore was aware of Voldie's plans, and we also know that Voldemort feared only one wizard in the whole world, and that was Albus Dumbledore. Okay, let's back up to predition number 10 for a moment. That is Dumbledore, since he's still alive.
With that in mind, let's review the horcruxes: the diary (gone), the ring (gone), the locket (in the Black House), the cup (with the Smith family), Nagini (the snake with Voldemort) and then something of Ravenclaw's and something of Gryffendor's.
As for the Ravenclaw potential...I'm not sure. However, there are thoughts that Harry is a descendant of Godric Gryffendor. The importance of this is that Voldemort was looking for objects from the most powerful wizards in history (the founders of Hogwarts), thus showing that he was above the greatest of the wizards ever to live. The problem is, Gryffendor did not leave many things behind, except his legacy and his blood, which might live on in Harry's veins. The opening scenes of Book 7 are to take place in Godric's Hollow, where Harry's parents lived and where Voldemort and...well...I'll leave that for later...went to kill James and Lily Potter and to horcruxify Harry.
Now, I am full aware that Dumbledore told Harry that it is difficult to make a horcrux out of a living creature. He could do it to Nagini because she was like a pet. My argument is that Harry was an infant, defenseless and innocent. If you are going to strike a living creature and insert a tiny piece of your soul into that creature, you'd think that you'd do it to the very young. I could go into a whole scientific explanation about how it would be easier for a baby to absorb a transplant and grow up with it and the body thinking that the transplant belongs there. I won't, but think about that.
Also, one of the arguments is that Harry saw a flash of green light, and the only spell that we know of that uses green is avada kedavra (the killing curse). To that I respond with the green magic that protected the locket in the cave was, well, green, and Slytherin's colors are green, so it seems that the color green is a symbol of evil in the books. Making a horcrux is a very, very dark, evil spell. What color should it be? Probably green.
But, the most important thing is that Voldemort went right after Harry as soon as he heard the prophecy. So, he knew that Harry (or chose, according to Dumbledore) was a threat and prophesied to be the one to bring about Voldemort's ultimate downfall. So, this is how it goes down: Voldemort is going around placing little pieces of his soul around the world in order to ensure that he's immortal. He knows that a baby boy has been prophesied to destroy him, so why not hide a piece of your soul in the boy that you are supposed to fight. It's like the ultimate safety net. If Harry and Voldemort square off, and Voldemort wins, well, he's just sacrificed a little piece of himself--no big deal, there's seven more where those came from.
If Harry wins, well, then there's still a piece of Voldemort left in the world so that he can regenerate. When Harry gets lax, is fired up with his victory, Voldemort shows up, kills Harry and wins the day. This is the beauty of Voldemort's plan: either way, he wins.
The only thing he didn't count on was Dumbledore seeing through his plans to the horcrux making. So Voldemort doesn't count on the slow destruction of his other souls. I'm not sure how Voldemort doesn't feel his soul pieces being destroyed; you'd think that would be something that would repercuss across the soul left in your body. Being as I haven't made any horcruxes, I wouldn't know. Sorry.
So, there it is. Voldemort, being the crafty old snake, built himself a safety net by placing the last horcrux in Harry's forehead. How to get that out without hurting Harry? Well...I guess we can think on that until I get back from vacation.
Posted by MJenks at 10:53 PM 0 comments
Labels: epic, Harry Potter, predictions, spoilers
A Brief History of My Weekend
June 20, 2007For something as monumental and epic as my past weekend, the tale can only be told in picture form. Being a cartophile, I've busted out the maps for all to appreciate.
First up, the map showing all the states I have visited. You'll find that Delaware and Maryland are new additions, bringing the total to 25. That's half the states. Score.Second up is my "beer map", where I record every new beer that I've tried...at least by state. I found some stuff from Flying Fish Brewery in New Jersey and was quick to quaff a couple the same day. Total states "sampled": 30. Score again.
Final map speaks for itself. It's a map of all the states that I've gotten good and tuned up drunk in. Georgia gets honorable mention because I got drunk off two barleywines there, but I wasn't tuned up enough to be classified as "faced".
For anyone truly interested, a trip to Delaware is well worth it. I just wish that I had had more than a day to spend there.
EDIT: If you've been reading the comments section, you'll see that I inadvertently left off Illinois. It popped into my mind that my buddy Will and I went to Second City with several of our theater friends and we proceeded to pretty much try to drink the city of Chicago dry. I remember passing out on the bus only to wake up at some point chanting "Huzzah" and then getting lectured by a rather keg-shaped woman on the origins of the word "huzzah" and how it relates to "hooray". Memories are so much better when they're fractured...
America's Epic (???)
May 29, 2007If there was one thing I learned while I toiled through the labors of my sophomore year at St. Joe's, it was 'What makes an epic'? In fact, that could have been the subtitle for the classes designated Core III and Core IV. St. Joe has a requirement that you must take a certain set of core classes (cleverly referred to as the 'core system') which helps a student become more rounded and eliminates the need for a science major to take art history to fulfill the degree requirements at the school. Many colleges around the country have adopted a similar style (I think Notre Dame might...but I'm not certain) of requirements for their undergrads, and on the whole, it's a very worthy, very nice class system. Everyone is tossed in together, so you are going through this with your classmates and friends. At the same time, Cores V and VI (the Science Cores) are easy three credit hour As for people like yours truly, who were science majors to begin with and basically phoned in the course.
But, I digress. This is not a discussion of the merits of the Core System as applied by St. Joe's (although, I will take one last chance to wander off topic and mention that the on-campus bar is called Core XI, the core you take AFTER you've taken all the others...very clever, those undergrads). This is a discussion of the epic saga type of story.
One of the things we studied in Core III and IV was how nations and people could identify (and be identified) by their epic stories. The Babylonians had Gilgamesh, the Scandinavians had Beowulf (who introduced it to English when they invaded), the Greeks had both the Iliad and the Odyssey, the Jewish people had the Torah, the Romans had the Aeneid, the French had The Song of Roland, and the British (including both the Angles and Saxons as well as the native Britons, Scots and Picts) had King Arthur. There are others, but you get the point, and I don't need to continue naming them all.
With one exception, and I'll toss that in here: in the early Twentieth Century, an English scholar by the name of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien decided that Beowulf and King Arthur weren't sufficient enough for the English people, and so he undertook the task of writing a modern epic for the Brits. Nearly a hundred years later, it was set to film, grossed millions, pissed off several fans who felt the stories needed to be translated to the screen verbatim, and allowed bumper sticker makers everywhere to relate the works of Tolkien to the current regime in power in America. I, of course, speak of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The notion that we can still, in this modern age, relate to epic stories is very important, especially relating to this post.
There are certain core themes that appear time and time again in epic stories. There's, of course, the brave hero: Odysseus, Aeneas, Beowulf, Gilgamesh, Arthur... The hero, most often reluctantly, will undertake a task that seems greater than themselves, often with the aid of a mentor or advisor in the beginning, but later has to go through the trials and tribulations by themselves. The task usually involves the destruction of a great evil, and more often than not involves a long, arduous journey for the hero before he ultimately arrives victorious in the end. And, of course, there's the question of morality. At some point, the hero must make a decision, and it's usually an internal struggle, as to whether they will ultimately do good or take the easier, quicker path and turn to evil. This is often referred to as the "tragic flaw".
There are also a few other things that go into the story: mystical powers, enchanted weaponry, heavy symbolism, and poetic prose/poetic language. These don't necessarily factor into the story, but are ways of devoloping the plot and describing the action and characters in the epic. One should remember that these stories, more often than not, were told around a campfire or sung by a bard for all to hear, and were often recited from memory, thus the need for symbols and poetic language and all.
I've pointed out how several nations and peoples can be identified (and identify with) the epics that are tied to their cultures. However, in America, we do not have an epic saga that we can identify with. Or do we? This is one of the questions that was raised during my sophomore year classes, and the argument was laid forth that the tales of the Old West were as close as we'd ever get to having our own epic story (indeed, the Western is a uniquely American film genre; despite the rise of the Spaghetti Westerns, the action was still set in the American West). Is this true? Is this the only epic story that we'll ever get here in this country?
Let me try something here. I'll write a brief description of the epic of Beowulf: Beowulf took his sword and struck down the evil Grendal, the embodiment of evil, and thus freed the world of his darkness. Good, right? Concise, gets the point across, and pretty much has all the makings of an epic story right there, no?
Let's try substituting some more familiar names and see what happens.
Luke took his lightsaber and struck down Darth Vader, the embodiment of evil, and thus helped bring about the fall of the Galactic Empire and its oppresive reign.
Yep. That works, too, doesn't it?
Now, I've been pretty critical of George Lucas in the past for the vile things he spewed forth onto the screen starting in 1999. I felt that the Star Wars prequels could have been done a lot better (and I still contend that). It was the completion of the epic, however, and so those stories were important. Still, they could have been done a lot better.
Last night, the History Channel ran a program about the things that influenced the making of Star Wars and how it fits into the epic story category. It was, over all, a very fascinating premise and it was very well done. We saw how both Annakin Skywalker and Luke played the roles of the heroes, but where Annakin failed at his internal struggle of good versus evil, Luke succeeds. Ultimately, it is Annakin who destroys the evil in the galaxy, and then opts to die and thus eliminate all of the darkness from the galaxy (as we see it). While Luke is the Epic Hero, Annakin turns out to be the Tragic Hero who spends a long time as the embodiment of evil in the galaxy (the same relationship exists with Frodo and Gollum).
As I watched, it was evident that all of the pieces were there for the epic story: the hero, Luke and Annakin; the great evil, the Empire, Palpatine and Vader; the mystic power, the Force; the mentor, Obi-Wan and Yoda; the enchanted weapon, Luke's lightsaber(s); the symbolism, Vader's mask and outfit, Palpatine's cowl. All that we're missing is the poetic language.
The only reason we don't see the poetic language is that we aren't reading the story, we're watching it. However, I defy anyone to dispute lines such as "Do, or do not, there is no try" or "I am a Jedi, like my father before me" or even "I love you"/"I know" are not poetic in their nature (especially since the last showed up twice in two different points in the story). They may not be written or delivered in iambic pentameter, but that doesn't make them any less poetic.
Overall, the comparison of Star Wars as the modern American epic versus the ancient epics holds up. One important thing that I felt was done very well was that people outside of the Star Wars universe made all the comments on the films and their role as the American epic. George Lucas' image from college was seen once in the show. None of the cast or crew were interviewed, either. Everyone who commented on anything was from outside of the making and the presentation of the story, and this lent an extra bit of credence to the claim that this is America's epic. All of those interviewed found roles for all of the characters in Star Wars as applied to traditional epics. The fact that they could even find a role for Jar Jar really impressed me (and amused me, as he was related to the Parasite often seen in Greek theatre). Kevin Smith was inciteful and funny, and I wish that there would have been more of his interviews, but I won't complain. I will say that Peter Jackson did a good job of not relating any of the symbols, characters and themes found in Star Wars to the Lord of the Rings, although they are clearly there (as there are with all epic stories).
Once the show was finished, I turned the tv off and sat there in my chair for probably a good thirty minutes, reflecting on my own works. I began to immediately start classifying all of my characters into the archetypes listed during the show (I focused more on the Hundred Kings Saga, as this is uniquely my own epic...although my wife might claim that Zumsticks would be my epic). The only thing that I could not find in my story was the comic relief characters, and I began to realize that the inclusion of someone who provides emotional relief could help make the rest of the characters seem more real. That being said, I could pick a couple of characters who might best be the C-3PO/R2-D2 or Merry/Pippen of my story, but even they play ever-increasingly dramatic roles in the story. I still haven't made a decision, but it is something that I will have to think about as I wrap up The Boar War (where Skulk the fox is my comic relief), ship it out for review and pick the Hundred Kings stories back up.
Okay, I'm rambled too much, but I've been quiet on the blogosphere recently. I will post again later tonight to explain more about the silence. And yes, it does involve a video game, but no, that's not the main reason. By the way, if you're a Star Wars fan or just interested in what I've blogged onto the screen here, I highly recommend watching the History Channel program. As I said, it was very well done and rather insightful on many accounts.