Another Brush With Fame?

I realize domestic battery isn't funny...however, I felt compelled to post the following story, partly for the irony of the t-shirt, partly because I'm pretty sure I went to college with this guy. He was actually a pretty good friend and didn't mind that I talked about dry-humping on my radio show every week (he was one of the station managers). Ah, good times, good times. I should point out that Brad was one helluva nice guy and a good friend, and I was totally blown away to hear his name tied in with all this.

Anyway, I consider this a brush with fame because I heard about it on the radio today here in North Carolina, which means that it's semi-national news. Of course, I heard about it because of the unfortunate shirt that he was wearing. *sigh*

I double-checked with the alumni page on my college website. Turns out this is my friend. I am so rubbing elbows with the stars.

EDIT: My friend, TWCWTBSPDHB, pointed out that Brad also made the front page of the Drudge Report. My stock is flying up the charts! FoxNews now also has the story up.

Also, this really isn't a laughing matter guys. I mean, Brad and I had a lot in common: both from northern Indiana, both graduated in 1998, both lived in Gallagher Hall, both have wives who better have the dishes done when we get home...

Fluffy Strikes Back

You ever hear a story that had you sort of dumbfounded? Like, the story either amazed or confused you so much that you just sort of stared, mouth agape, at the storyteller, resting your chin in your hands, drinking the whole thing in?

If you've read this blog for long, you'll know that I often troll the Indianapolis Star for interesting reads in the news department. For one, I like to keep up on what the dumb broad from Carmel is doing about the Victoria's Secret model controversy at the mall. I also like to scour Indiana for morons in the news so I can contribute just a little bit more to the Karma Police blog.

And then, sometimes, I read a story just for the sheer delight of reading a story. Or, let's say, that the headline features something about a man beating his wife to death for not emptying the litter box.

If you read that story, you might understand why I sat here for a few moments, mouth agape, peeping the details of said sordid affair. Number one, who beats their wife for not emptying the litter box? I mean, do they have a pet cougar, or is Fluffy just rolling out human-sized turds? I get it, some guys are total douches and beat their wives for stupid shit. Clearly, this guy is a douche.

But then, she's 18 years older than he? And, he's a convicted sex offender? And the two of them moved from California to live with another convicted sex offender? Double-u, tea, eff. There's a lot more to this story than what we see right here, and it kind of pains me that I'm not back home to work my "sources" for the truth behind this thing.

Overall, though, just...fucking...wow. What a messed-up house that must have been. If I can find anything else about this, I'll be sure to keep everyone up to date. Not that this is funny or a topic to make light of, but I want to know the fucking truth here. This is messed up and it takes place in what I consider my "home town".

Stay tuned.

Would you like to buy a monkey?

I think I'm going to go blind spamming my own blog. The nuns said something about that or masturbation, I'm not sure. I was too busy playing with myself in order to pay attention.

Anyway, all my autoerotic exercises aside, I figured it was time to find out just what I was wanted for in the Wild West of Cyberspace.

Apparently, it's larceny. Better, it's monkey-theft.

matthewjenks.blogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE SUPREME ROBBERY of an ADORABLE MONKEY

$2500

What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Created by OnePlusYou

With that $2500 reward hanging over my head, I went tossing the place looking for the adorable little feller. Unfortunately, my search came up empty. Naturally, I asked the most powerful being I know: Wizard Cat.

Turns out that plucky little puss of prestidigitation [1] ate said stolen monkey. Now I'm in quite a bind. I need to either cough up the $2500 to clear my name, or keep feeding Wizard Cat delicious monkeys to eat, so that he will continue to keep my house hidden from the roving posses of bounty hunters. This is quite a predicament, to be certain. However, I could be in for quite a show as I'm sure the day will come when Wizard Cat will be going toe-to-toe with Boba Fett. Hopefully, I can stay away from carbonite chambers...

[1] I spelled prestidigitation correctly without looking.