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Would you like to buy a monkey?

July 7, 2008

I think I'm going to go blind spamming my own blog. The nuns said something about that or masturbation, I'm not sure. I was too busy playing with myself in order to pay attention.

Anyway, all my autoerotic exercises aside, I figured it was time to find out just what I was wanted for in the Wild West of Cyberspace.

Apparently, it's larceny. Better, it's monkey-theft.

matthewjenks.blogspot.com
WANTED FOR THE SUPREME ROBBERY of an ADORABLE MONKEY
$2500
What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Created by OnePlusYou

With that $2500 reward hanging over my head, I went tossing the place looking for the adorable little feller. Unfortunately, my search came up empty. Naturally, I asked the most powerful being I know: Wizard Cat.

Turns out that plucky little puss of prestidigitation [1] ate said stolen monkey. Now I'm in quite a bind. I need to either cough up the $2500 to clear my name, or keep feeding Wizard Cat delicious monkeys to eat, so that he will continue to keep my house hidden from the roving posses of bounty hunters. This is quite a predicament, to be certain. However, I could be in for quite a show as I'm sure the day will come when Wizard Cat will be going toe-to-toe with Boba Fett. Hopefully, I can stay away from carbonite chambers...

[1] I spelled prestidigitation correctly without looking.

8 comments:

Jidai said...

Remember to videotape the epic battle of Boba Fett and Wizard Cat. Then you can sell it on PPV and DVD for millions.

Chemgeek said...

prestidigitation!!! Oh My!!!

Chemgeek said...

"[1] I spelled prestidigitation correctly without looking."

Oh My!!!

Rider said...

It's posts like this that caused me to recognize you for a blogging award. Kudos!

Dr Zibbs said...

Congrats winner!

Noel said...

I'm very envious that you spelled prestidigitation without looking. Spelling has always been one of the things I've been bad at.

And monkey theft? At least it wasn't monkey spanking in public.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

What the hell is prestidigitation anyway? I can't spell it and had to copy and paste :-)
I can't spell at all actually _ I'm a product of the texas Educational system and we'll leave it at that. Gawd bless the makes of spell check.

P.s. I'm in on the video of Wizard Cat v. Boba Fett

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

jidai: And at that, the youtube video will be ten times better than episodes 1-3...combined.

chemgeek: I'm doubly impressive today. I think it's my fine mastery of legerdemain (again, spelled correctly without looking). Call me buttah, cause I'm on a roll!

rider: Words...cannot describe...my joy!

Dr. Zibbs: See above.

Noel: Nor has it been one of mine, which is why I felt the need to brag about it in the footnotes. As for the monkey spanking...the judge was very specific when he let me off with a warning...

Lisa: It's a fancy ten-cent word meaning "magical conjuring". I'd knock Indiana's education system, but I actually moved to a state that's worse than Indiana when it comes to educatin' them youngin's.