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Eleven Gallows on Your Sleeve

July 8, 2008

As I traipsed up to the mailbox this afternoon, I was suddenly shocked and taken aback to discover that I received a letter simply postmarked "Central Mordor". Worried that some gog-eyed, fish-eating, hairless freak had sold me out for my simian larceny, I snuck behind the nearest pine tree and opened the envelope. To my great surprise, I learned that I had won a coveted blogging award, and the granter was none other than his wooden cubedness himself, Eric Rider, keeper of Rider's Block.

Of course, I had to celebrate this sensational, and frankly monumental, moment in my life.

Once I was done with what became a very dirty letter, I read through all the things I have to do in order to claim my prize. At first, I was angry with all the hoops I had to jump through in order to claim this lovely slice of heaven, but then I realized, "This is the internet, and dammit, sometimes you have to jump through hoops in order to maintain the high level of integrity demanded by the internet!" Besides, apparently, I've been nominated to be Rider's Padawan, thanks to my fascination with what's inside Leelee Sobieski's shirt and my love of transcribing snarky comments into hovertext over all the pictures I steal from the internet.
First, the requisite picture of the award, courtesy of Arte y Pico:

And now, onto the esteemed five poor saps winners!

1) Homebrew and Chemistry: Here is the perfect co-mingling of two of my absolute favorite things not involving D-cups and Indiana basketball, beer and chemistry. Eric the Mad-Brewer spends his daytime hours molding the minds of America's youth as it pertains to the molding and reformulating of matter, otherwise known as chemistry. To be able to reshape existence as it pertains to your view of the world is akin to wielding the power of a god; to teach others how to do it is akin to wielding the power of the Jedi Council.

2) Lisa-Tastrophies: Her recounting of the tale wherein she purchased a Battery Operated Buddy for a friend is some of the greatest comedic genius I've ever witnessed since those waning days of my senior year of college when, unfortunately, Sparklebelly was born. Sadly, Lisa has a conscience (known as her mother), which means some of her stories are somewhat muted, but when it comes to rants, hers are tops among the PG-rated crowd.

3) Frank (slept here): The man loves robots, sleeping and bacon, which should be enough for the award in and of itself, but he also, for a while, sported a tagline which cames from the depths of my own insanity: "Frank (slept here): Come for the comedy, stay for the pop culture references." Plus, he lives in Chicago, and if there was a city that I would claim as my second home, it would be sweet home Chicago. Despite all of the Illinois Nazis (I hate Illinois Nazis!).

4) What Does It Mean? Nothing!: Jidai runs a blog that deals with reflections on a younger him, graphic novels, obscure references and movies, which is what this blog would be if it wasn't for all the pictures of Leelee Sobieski, novel-writing, and fart jokes. From the moment I clicked over after seeing him pop up in Frank's comments, he became a daily read, and he'll be the first person I tell if I ever manage to successfully keep down a piece of raw eel.

5) Scribe of Blackridge: In the fifth grade, Joel was my best friend. His love of G.I.Joe and Transformers, not to mention the fact that he lived two blocks from me, made him the coolest kid in town, as far as this reporter could see. Unfortunately, life intervened, and he had to move away later in the year, shattering my heart. However, there was this thing called the post, which moved slowly but kept us in touch for a while, until we inevitably fell out of touch. Then, through the magic of the ebays (and my clever trick over at, we were reunited, and it felt so good. Now we talk from time to time, blog more often, and Joel is, to this point, the only human being who has read through the entirety of the rough editions of both King of Shadows and King of Thistles, praising both entirely too much, at least according to this reporter. He's now (unknowingly) become my sounding board who will, inevitably, end up in all of my acknowledgments, thanks to his opinions.

Thanks again to Eric Rider for the keen award. Now that I've claimed it, it shall be set neatly upon the shelf next to my Golden Hound, which I won in the third grade for a poster urging you to knock your dog's nuts off, for the sake of the planet. Unlike Bob Barker, I didn't get to stand next to Heather Kozar as a part of my awards ceremony.

Disclaimer for the winners:
1) Pick 5 blogs that you think deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.


Frank said...

*Wipes tear away from eye*

I-I feel so honoured. I'd like to thank my parents, and my friends, and all the people who read my stuff, and Mjenks for presenting me with this award *more tears*

This is the worst comment I have ever left.

Chemgeek said...

Wow, I'm honored and a bit intimidated.

Now I have to figure out what to do with the hardware. I will put it next to the trophy I got for answering a trivia question correct at a big brothers/big sisters fundraising event. That's the only trophy I have.

Jidai said...

Awwwww. That was really sweet. Thank you and I'd like to thank Frank for being the portal you used to find me.

minijonb said...

i'd just like to thank you for the Lee Lee photo...


= : - )

Falwless said...

A few things:

1. Your last caption on my Monday's Caption just made me laugh like a little bitch.


3. I won this award, too. Take it from me -- don't fall for the whole "Send us money and we'll send you the statuette." It's a dirty, dirty scam, I tell you.

4. You're 32, male, and live in North Carolina. I'm 30, female, and live in North Carolina. I'm pretty sure this means we'll be making the sex sometime soon.

Here's to the beginning of a very long and ultimately very unhealthy relationship.

Falwless said...

Um, had I read further down in your blog, we could have avoided the awkward uncomfortableness that is the realization of your married-with-childrenness. Whatev. I blame you for this oversight of mine.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

It's because my blog is nowhere near as cool as your blog. That's what led to the epic fail.

I blame global warming, really.

McGone said...

Mordor has a surprisingly efficient postal service. Their sanitation department could take a few notes.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, I heard that Mike Rowe was filming a who bunch of Dirty Jobs down in Mordor, but production had to be cancelled thanks to volcanic activity or something.

"Cleaning up Orc shit on the Plains of's a dirty job."

Lisa-tastrophies said...

First, I would like to thank Academy for this honor. You like me!!! YOU REALLY REALLY LIKE ME!!! :-) Then I would like to thank my friend without her irrational fear of being seen in porn stores, this blog would not have been possible. Bless you Mjenks for being one of the two people who actually read my ranting. I love ya for it!!

(Yeah, and if my bi*th-cakes of a mother didn't nail my @$$ to the wall every time I posted something even slightly off color, I would really be on a roll.)

I will be posting my award as soon as I can figure out how to do it - remember blond and big boobed at a keyboard is a dangerous thing.

Rider said...

Yeesh. I give you an award and you take a week off? That's the last time I do that.