I Don't Hate the Steelers

But I've got two weeks to learn!

Second Place is the First Loser

Fresh off last week's showing of second place at Trivia Night, we--my wife, two of our friends, and myself--swept into the bar last night with the cool demeanor of a group of people who wanted--nay, expected--to win. Or, perhaps, it was the demeanor of people who had already had several ales and/or lagers and one who was enjoying that free coke for all it was worth.

Allow me, for a moment, to describe for you the structure of Trivia Night. There are three rounds, each ten questions long, with the first and the third being rounds of general knowledge. The middle round has a theme. Also, usually, the final five questions in the third round carry a theme, with the last question being "what do the previous four answers have in common?"

The theme for the second round last night? Star Wars.

*triumphant blaze of trumpets*

Milk me, baby, because we're in the barn!

Now to be completely candid, I was a touch nervous coming into the second round. What if these were painfully obscure question, like what actor played Saesee Tiin or what planet did the Trianii originate from. My friends had been so excited, so sure that I was our "Star Wars ringer" that I was beginning to feel the pressure and, while I wanted--nay, expected--to win, I also wanted to crumple to the floor, curl into the fetal position, and weep.

However, as the questions began rolling, I knew there would be no problems. From the first question (What was the name of the Wookiee's home planet?) to Who led the rebel fleet into the Battle of Endor to What character did Kenny Baker play in all six of the Star Wars movies, the round got further and further in the bag. I am nothing if not pedantically nerdy when it comes to Star Wars. And Latin. And, well, Christ...everything else. *sigh*

As it turns out, we got a perfect score in the second round. One of only two teams to do so. Fucking. Aye. I should be ashamed, but I'm not.

Our perfect score vaulted us into a three-way tie for the lead, which we then salted away in the end by capturing nine of a possible eleven points. Victory was ours, and we did not need a sudden-death bonus round in order to capture it this week. We were granted the $50 worth of credit toward our tab, which we split evenly between the four of us. This meant that my wife and I paid five dollars for our dinners, drinks, and desserts.

Oh, and the final questions from the third round, in which there is a mini-theme running? The theme was Greek and Roman mythological names (also the names of moons of Saturn, but...meh). Unfortunately, we could not remember the name of Holden Caulfield's younger sister from Catcher in the Rye (Phoebe). It matters not the margin of victory so long as victory was achieved. AmIright???

So, yes, I may be a Star Wars nerd, but my two offspring prove that--despite my geeky shortcomings--I have in fact seen a boob and that I have in fact gotten laid. At least twice. And almost a third time. *shifty-eyed*

I was a tad disappointed, however, that my team vetoed my idea for a team name and, instead, came up with "Grand Muff Tarkin". My idea? "Han shot first across Leia's face". *sigh* Star Wars and sex! How can you go wrong?

Victory, Motherfuckers!!!

My wife pointed out to me last night that it's been a week and a half since I committed any thoughts to electronic media, at least in any sort of meaningful fashion. *makes dismissive jacking off motion* So. Hi. How are you?

Normally there'd be a long and wordy bunch of half-hearted excuses about being busy and life catching up with me and references to anal sex here, but I'm not really in for that today. I'm sorry, but my thighs are positively aquiver with joy because, this morning, I am SO full of win--but not Wynn, unfortunately (you know, because she's like hot and stuff).

Last night my wife and I went out with some friends to Trivia Night down at ye olde Irishe Pubbe here in heart of the Bulle Citye. It was a sort of date night thing. We sat and had some dinner (by the way, don't get ye olde pattye melte because it ye olde suckes) and my wife enjoyed a beer while I took full advantage of those free refills on coke, so much so that, by the end of the competition, my back teeth were floating.

We were then joined by our friends, and the trivia started flowing. Did you know that "trivia" is Latin for "three roads coming together"? That's the kind of shit you need to know for Trivia Night.

Lo and behold, we even had a Latin question! Though, it was rather anticlimactic because it was "What is the Latin motto for the United States Marine Corps?" My wife was all over that because, you know, Latin degree and she gets a little warm underneath for men in uniform with great arms.

HOWEVER, I nailed the very first question thanks almost solely to the Friday Morning Latin Lessons. The question: "Who died on August 16th, 1977 shortly after a game of racquetball?" Thanks to the afore linked Latin Lesson, I knew the answer to the question. Fucking. Aye.

Unfortunately, I talked myself out of knowing a question about Trotsky, and I wasn't sure where Berlin was in relation to Rome and the direction west, otherwise we would have won. That's right. We ended up in second place, one point behind the winning team. However, we tied with someone for second, and so there was a "lightning round". The question: what are the ten words in the English language with the most definitions in the Oxford English Dictionary. Thanks to Bill Bryson, I (and my friend Tristan), knew "set" and Tristan's wife offered "go". We won the round, two to nothing and secured for ourselves $25 in credit toward our tab for the night.

But wait, there's more!

In one of the bonus rounds--questions asked to the general populace in between the main rounds--I won...again! Last time I went, I scored a sweet Yuengling shirt. This time? A shirt and an insect transformer for my kids, some pencils and a family day pass to the local museum, along with a bright orange backpack sort of thing. All-in-all is all we are an excellent night of trivial victory. And even today, my thighs are dripping with victory and useless knowledge.

And because it's Thursday, we can't go without a little TMI, am I right? Fuck you, of course I am.

When we got in the car, my wife and I were still glowing with victory and happiness because we actually socialized with another couple! Thanks to my knowledge of geography (minus relative westerly positions of European capitals), my wife was very proud of me. In fact, she turned to me and said, laying a hand upon my thigh:

"I'm so proud of you, if I wasn't having my period right now, I'd take you home and fuck your lights out."

...

*shakes an angry fist at the moon*

Ah well, we can't all be winners all the time.