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Victory, Motherfuckers!!!

September 30, 2010

My wife pointed out to me last night that it's been a week and a half since I committed any thoughts to electronic media, at least in any sort of meaningful fashion. *makes dismissive jacking off motion* So. Hi. How are you?

Normally there'd be a long and wordy bunch of half-hearted excuses about being busy and life catching up with me and references to anal sex here, but I'm not really in for that today. I'm sorry, but my thighs are positively aquiver with joy because, this morning, I am SO full of win--but not Wynn, unfortunately (you know, because she's like hot and stuff).

Last night my wife and I went out with some friends to Trivia Night down at ye olde Irishe Pubbe here in heart of the Bulle Citye. It was a sort of date night thing. We sat and had some dinner (by the way, don't get ye olde pattye melte because it ye olde suckes) and my wife enjoyed a beer while I took full advantage of those free refills on coke, so much so that, by the end of the competition, my back teeth were floating.

We were then joined by our friends, and the trivia started flowing. Did you know that "trivia" is Latin for "three roads coming together"? That's the kind of shit you need to know for Trivia Night.

Lo and behold, we even had a Latin question! Though, it was rather anticlimactic because it was "What is the Latin motto for the United States Marine Corps?" My wife was all over that because, you know, Latin degree and she gets a little warm underneath for men in uniform with great arms.

HOWEVER, I nailed the very first question thanks almost solely to the Friday Morning Latin Lessons. The question: "Who died on August 16th, 1977 shortly after a game of racquetball?" Thanks to the afore linked Latin Lesson, I knew the answer to the question. Fucking. Aye.

Unfortunately, I talked myself out of knowing a question about Trotsky, and I wasn't sure where Berlin was in relation to Rome and the direction west, otherwise we would have won. That's right. We ended up in second place, one point behind the winning team. However, we tied with someone for second, and so there was a "lightning round". The question: what are the ten words in the English language with the most definitions in the Oxford English Dictionary. Thanks to Bill Bryson, I (and my friend Tristan), knew "set" and Tristan's wife offered "go". We won the round, two to nothing and secured for ourselves $25 in credit toward our tab for the night.

But wait, there's more!

In one of the bonus rounds--questions asked to the general populace in between the main rounds--I won...again! Last time I went, I scored a sweet Yuengling shirt. This time? A shirt and an insect transformer for my kids, some pencils and a family day pass to the local museum, along with a bright orange backpack sort of thing. All-in-all is all we are an excellent night of trivial victory. And even today, my thighs are dripping with victory and useless knowledge.

And because it's Thursday, we can't go without a little TMI, am I right? Fuck you, of course I am.

When we got in the car, my wife and I were still glowing with victory and happiness because we actually socialized with another couple! Thanks to my knowledge of geography (minus relative westerly positions of European capitals), my wife was very proud of me. In fact, she turned to me and said, laying a hand upon my thigh:

"I'm so proud of you, if I wasn't having my period right now, I'd take you home and fuck your lights out."

...

*shakes an angry fist at the moon*

Ah well, we can't all be winners all the time.

10 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Congratulations on your trivial victory!!

Wait, that somehow didn't come out right...

Moooooog35 said...

She was having her period so you didn't have sex?

Amateurs.

Wynn said...

Three things!

1. Congratulations to the awesome winnings!

2. You guys should totally have sex during the period, but not like... the messiest days perhaps. But yeah, it's worth it.

3. You COULD be full of Wynn.. I can just autograph and send you the strap-on dildo I've been saving for bf, but since his ass muscles are mean people, I'm not allowed! Your wife sounds awesome so I'm sure she'd able to do you good. Literally! Moahaha.

Bev said...

Welcome back from the land of trivia to the land of trivial. We've missed you.

DEZMOND said...

so you came back to us just to give us this triumphant speech???? :)

The Invisible Seductress said...

You are damn smart!!! Congrats!!!

Sully said...

Victory is yours!!!!

Scope said...

Did she at least give you a handjob?

Ed said...

A little Road Head was in order.

She could have at least offered if she truly cared.

Nej said...

Doh!!!