Follow by Email

Inspirational Reads

Move 'em On, Head 'em Up, Head 'em Up, Move 'em On

September 30, 2008


Holy sweet Jesus. On a day when it's reported that a man punched a shark while giving some sort of deathly ululation, we also get the strange tale of Michelle Allen.

As the story goes, Ms. Allen was run in because she allegedly chased a bunch of kids while wearing a cow costume. She also pissed on someone's porch, prompting the police to tell her to "go home and stay home". Apparently, she didn't head back to the corral, but instead went on to cause more trouble. The police didn't take her in until she started causing traffic problems elsewhere. No word on whether Bill Pickett was called in to help with the collar.

Amazingly--and brace yourselves for this one--Ms. Allen smelled of alcohol. No. Fucking. Way. It's true--according to the report. One thing the report didn't tell us? Why the fuck she was dressed up like a cow.

9 comments:

Gwen said...

Sometimes Chick-Fil-A gives away free food if you show up in a cow costume. I shit you not. Maybe she couldn't resist the siren song of their delicious, dill-pickle-topped sandwich. I know I've struggled to restrain myself before.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, I'm well familiar with the "Dress lik me, get free fud" campaign those crazy cows put forward. I just never remember what days they offer those free, delectable treats, else I'd be sporting my own white with black spots outfit.

Will Shannon said...

Maybe she was just in a festive mood, for this week is the World Dairy Expo in Madison. All eyes will be watching as Wisconsin Governor James R. Doyle picks this year's Dairy Breed of the Year (will Holstein win again?).

Er, maybe not.

I, sadly, have always lived in non-Chick-Fil-A regions of our Great Republic. The place sounds great (even if their founder is a bit of a nutjob, or so I hear).

Jenks, wasn't there a story from your past that involved a guy streaking Bippus sporting nothing but a cow mask? Am I remembering this right?

dg said...

My best guess is that she likes to play with her udder.

Will Shannon said...

Her udder what?

(Sorry, I couldn't resist).

Dr Zibbs said...

That story is udderly ridiculous.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

I. CANT. WATCH. What an udder embarrassment she must be to the herd....

On a lighter note. I loved that they guy bitch slapped a shark to save his dog. I have to say that if one of my cats became a tidy morsel for a shark... I probably would not have the ca-hones to pull the shark smack down.

Rider said...

If I saw a shark grab a woman in a cow costume, I'd only let out a death cry if my camera phone was out of memory.

Frank said...

See the alcohol kind of ruins it for me. I'd find it more amusing if she were just simply bat-shit insane and that was it.