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Inspirational Reads

Is It Over Yet?

September 8, 2008

That certainly applies to several things (the weekends, the first football weekend, Hurricane/Tropical Storm/Really Windy Thunderstom/Rain Squall Hanna, the plague currently gripping my house). At one point, all you want to know is if it's over yet or not.

If your question was "is his blogging time out over", then yes, yes it is. I have much to say after weeks of silence (1.5 is still plural-worthy), but I'll get around to football thoughts and fall out from recent rain events later. Today, it's time for some frivolity.

So, thanks to Alaina, I found a site that would effectively (and affectively) stalk everyone in these grand United States of ours who shares a name with me. Let's ease into this thing softly, though. Much like with certain activities, the slower you go at first results in less screaming, rending of flesh, and tears afterward. I'll assume you all know how to shave, so I won't go into details there. Instead, we'll look at my first name, which, as some of you may be shocked to know, isn't "iNDefatigable". The real shocker is that my first name is Matthew (as evidenced by the URL for this site). Here's some information about my first name:

There are 1,005,268 people in the U.S. with the first name Matthew.
Statistically the 40th most popular first name.
99.7 percent of people with the first name Matthew are male.
Names similar to Matthew: Matt


Only 99.7% of people named Matthew are male? What about the other 0.3%? Transgendered? Parents really wanted a boy? Terrible accidents with cotton gins? Also, did you know that Matt is a name similar to Matthew? No fucking way! Slightly odd...Matthais, not on there. Nor is Mathew, you know, those guys who are too damned lazy to pick up both tees? It's not like it's an automatic ejection or anything.

Rather than dwelling on what may or may not be similar, let's move on to my second or last name, if you will. Here are the results for the last name Jenks:

There are 6,163 people in the U.S. with the last name Jenks.
Statistically the 5843rd most popular last name.
Famous people with the last name Jenks: Bobby Jenks


There's also three cities urban areas in the country with the name Jenks. There's one in Pennsylvania a bit up the road from Zibbs, and there's one in the butt part of West Effin' Virgina--you know, the part where it looks like the state is hunkered down taking a dump on the far western part of Virginia? Yeah, that's the part. Then there's perhaps the most famous Jenks in the nation, which is Jenks, Oklahoma. I say this only because it has an actual town council and such. Once, I wrote to them demanding that they offer their immediate surrender to me and instantly crown me emperor. Oh, the funs a guy will have when drunk in college. Too bad that I didn't get the crown, because then I could have had, as my Emperess, Jenks native Jennifer Berry. Who is Jennifer Berry? She was Miss American in 2006. See, I was just that close to doing what most creepy middle aged men only dream of: nailing someone with self-esteem so low she has to compete in beauty pageants to help justify herself to herself.

Another famous person from Jenks is Sean Mahan, who played at my beloved University of Notre Dame (like Jenks, there's a Mahan in West Effin' Virginia). As a touch of an ironic twist, Sean, who was from Jenks, lived in the same apartment building as yours truly back in the day. Fame follows me wherever I go, clearly. Also, Jenks is one of the state's best high school football teams, winning the state championship 6 times in a row. Oh, what could have been: a fine piece of ass on my arm, riches from the oil wealth to fund my growing empire, and an army of cornfed farmboys to serve as my super soldiers. Pardon me for a bit while I dream.

Sadly, I was in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a few years ago and never got over to the other side of town to visit Jenks. If anyone of you lovely readers is from Jenks, OK, I'd still love a hat. Or a shirt. Or some other trinket from your fair city letting me know that you love me as much as I love you.

Alright, so let's get down to the nitty and the gritty here. Here's the final count for the people who have my name in the U.S.:


HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are
20
people with my name in the U.S.A.

How many folks share your name?


Twenty? I guess that would explain why there were a shit-ton of people in college emailing me demanding to know if I was their friend or not. Depending on my mood (read: how drunk I was), I would toy with them and pretend I was their friend. But, wow, twenty? Taking into account that I may be one of those 20, that leaves nineteen other guys trying to be me. I already knew about the guy at Purdue who shared my name. He's a horticulturist. Wow, a plant doctor. At Purdue. Who would guess? It seems like he needs to grow some high yield feed for all those cows down there, huh?

Also, it was a little disappointing to see that only famous Jenks was Bobby Jenks, the closer for the Chicago White Sox, and while I would normally bitch and moan about that, I'd take Bobby in a heartbeat after watching the Cubs, once again, piss away a game in the ninth inning. Not that I'm bitter.

So, there you go. A little frivolity for this fine Monday morning. Play around with it. Just don't blame me if you go blind. Also, feel free to follow the link and investigate how many folks share your name. It could be enlightening, or just plain fucking stupid. Apparently, you have to be 13 in order to play the game, and be sure to get help with your gambling addiction, crackhead, if you play the game too much. All proceeds will be donated to the Club a Dolphin Association of the Jersey Shore.

11 comments:

Alaina said...

Wow. That was too informative for a Monday. My head hurts.

Twenty? Really? Guess you aren't as special as the one and only me. You can cry about that later.

Jidai said...

Hahaha! Fewer than 336 people in the U.S. has my last name and I know of about 10 of them. I'm also the only one with my name in the U.S. YAY!

The Ex said...

Only 519 people with my last name and no one with the same name as me. I know about 200 of them. I wonder who the other 319 are. Hmm.

Welcome back.

Dr Zibbs said...

A Jenks near me? Are you refering to Jenkintown?

Gwen said...

There are 112,883 people in the U.S. with the first name Gwendolyn.

Statistically the 490th most popular first name.

There are 84 people in the U.S. with my full name.

I expected these numbers to be much lower - my first name isn't common.

Glad you're out of time out!

Ψ*Ψ said...

202 if I list my first name as Jessica.
1 if I list it as Jes. :)

Lisa-tastrophies said...

There are only 32 people who share my name. So much for my parent's creative naming convention. Still, al least my name isn't something like "Shegotta Liedright" or some other hippy generation catastrophe.

Jon said...

I'm not sure how accurate that site is. According to the website, there are only 3 people in the whole U.S. with my name. I know of at least that many in this state alone.

Frank said...

Is it possible to legally change your name to "iNDefatigable"?

I think it's more fitting than Matthew.

dg said...

Believe it or not, I know where Jenks, OK, is. I think you should re-submit your demand to be Emperor of Jenks. You would sort of be like Captain Nemo, or perhaps King Neptune, since Jenks now boasts to be the home of the Oklahoma Aquarium. You could rule over the creatures of land AND sea. Very cool.

Get Hooked on Jenks!

Hap said...

577. Wow. When I was in grad school, the Mass State Police spokesman had my name, so I shouldn't have been so surprised.

I guess I can get lost in the noise, though.