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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. LXIII

March 19, 2010

Oh, what a week. This is my favorite time of the year, despite the fact that Indiana didn't make it to the tournament and Notre Dame--as per usual--sucked ass. Good job, Irish! Thumbs up, all the way. Fuckers.

Speaking of the Irish, did you know Wednesday was St. Patrick's Day? Hope you remembered to wear green.

As you might have heard, the Romans did have some contact with the Irish. Roman ships actually went far enough afield (asea?) in order to see ice in the northern Atlantic Ocean and its various arms. They were familiar with most of the people living in and around Europe, but some people, like many of the Germans, were too difficult to keep under tabs and to securely conquer. Others, like the Irish, were difficult to fight, but they also had nothing that the Romans necessarily wanted. The Irish, before Patricius started founding monasteries and such, had very little in the way of an organized civilization as we know it; they had no cities, no well-defined system of roads and aqueducts and, to be honest, they had no real ruling hierarchy. On top of that, aside from cattle (which the Romans could trade for) and slaves (which the Romans could, again, trade for), Ireland didn't have much in the way of resources that Rome wanted enough to conquer. All of these things were foreign to the Romans, and so that made the Irish unsavory and, frankly (pun), unwanted.

The Romans much preferred themselves, or at least the people that they had conquered previously. They pretty readily accepted and absorbed facets of all the various cultures they conquered (Latins, Etruscans, Egyptians), but none moreso than the Greeks. Law, words from their language, architecture, letters of the alphabet were all absorbed into the Roman way of life. Even the famous Roman toga, both the garment and the name, have Greek influence. The Romans identified themselves by the toga, referring to Roman citizenry as gens togata (ghenz toh-gah-tah) which means "the people wearing togas". By comparison, the Greeks were genz palliata (ghenz pah-lee-ah-tah), meaning "the people wearing palliums".

In a bit of an ironic twist, the Pope--the Bishop of Rome--wears a pallium over his vestments. It's that colored cloak he wears over his robes. I don't think it's the same shape as the ancient Greek pallium, which came down only to about the knees.

So, what did the Romans call the Irish? Hibernii, and the island of Ireland was Hibernia. It is related to the Latin word for winter, hibernus. But, if the Romans named the Irish by one of their identifying traits, I imagine they might be this:

gens potandum

Pronounced: "ghenz poh-tahn-doom"

Drunken translation in the hovertext

And, what would St. Patrick's Day be without way too much drink. And, where there is too much drink, there's assholes trying to get laid, emboldened by the liquid courage they've just imbibed. So, maybe practice this one for next St. Patrick's Day. Or, when you've drunk yourself Irish.

Heus, Lauta! Habesne genus quis oritur de Hibernia?

Pronounced: "Hay-oos, Lao-tah! Hob-aze-nay gay-noose kweese or-ee-toor de Hi-bair-nee-ah?"

Salient translation in the hovertext

And, because I feel the need to give the ladies some defense against these smooth-talking Latin motherfuckers...if someone should stagger up to you and fire off that lousy pick-up line, just retort in this manner:

Habes probabiliter mentulam nymphae Hiberniae, cogito.

Pronounced: "Hob-ace pro-bah-bee-lee-tare men-too-lahm nim-fy Hi-bare-nee-eye, co-ghee-toh."

Really, I just needed an excuse to post this picture. Hovertext for translation.

So, it's a couple of days late. That gives you plenty of time to work on the pronunciations. Also, hopefully, this week has sated your need for scantily-clad women round this joint.

Have a good weekend and enjoy the tournament. I'm heading down to Charleston, SC for a wedding Saturday night. What? Charleston during Spring Break, on a weekend where the weather is supposed to be beautiful? Oh, twist my arm and whip the wild horses into a fury!


Scope said...

Whip something into a fury. Have a good weekend my friend. I for one, will be upgrading servers off and on from 5:00am to maybe 10:00pm Saturday. The life of IT!

Wynn said...

I will practice that retort line if I ever should need it. And try and prepare myself for never getting to use it. The let down. Sob.

Gwen said...

My profile (nose) is all the proof anyone needs that the Romans were in Ireland.

Have a great time in Charleston! I love that city.

BTW, I'll send you $5 if you start The Electric Slide at the reception. $10 if you do it sans pants.

Eric said...

I'll bet the girl with the green t-shirt on this post is actually real life Vegetable Assassin.

Tracie said...

Damn! I wish I knew this comeback in 1992 when I was still cute and fun. :(

Have a great weekend!

carissa said...

The whole time I'm reading I was like whaaa? No pic of a girl??? Then I saw her. Thank god you haven't become unpredictable. And your hover text, as always, cracked my ass up. Have a beautiful weekend. I have a chance of snow in Tx.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Sigh. That's the only drawback when I answer the question.

"Yes, I have a little Irish in me. Just a wee, tiny, small little bit."

mo.stoneskin said...

I would love to, but I've been given a restraining order by the local wild horses authority.

I'm always fascinated by the sheer distance and scale of the Roman's exploration and conquest. Well, not 'always', not when I'm feeling tired...but you know what I mean.