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TMI Thursday: And Then She Did the Dishes

March 18, 2010

As far as TMI Thursdays go, this one is fairly innocuous. If my salient tales about the sex don't sate your need for inappropriate stories, try LiLu's place, which is the home of TMI Thursdays!

A couple of weeks ago, the wife and I had a fight. Not a real big fight, but we were kind of snippy with one another. I don't even remember what it was about; probably just a mixture of cabin fever, the kids driving us nuts and one of us (her) having gas.

Or...maybe it was one of those fights that couples have just so they can get to the make-up sex. See, the Ex- told me that sometimes girls pick fights just so they can get to the make-up sex with their men, that way everything is cathartic and more awesome than normal. And, God knows (as do our neighbors) that the wife and I have had many a night of anger followed by many a night of passionate, loud moaning.

So, anyway, we were at the point where we weren't speaking on a Wednesday night, and then the next night there was some talking. And we went to bed, where my wife rolled over and turned the light off and all that. I was still lying in bed, reading, and when I finished up, I cozied up next to her. Awww, how cute, right?

And then the urge began to hit me.

"Are you asleep?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, "leave me alone."

So, I slicked down my pants and underwear. I started rubbing myself up against her from behind. She still pretended she was asleep. I kept rubbing myself up against her. Then, to make things even better, I started pulling down her pants and rubbing myself on her bare ass. This is my go-to move, the pressing-my-erect-penis-into-her-ass maneuver. Much like Colt 45, it works every time.

Finally, she's pushing back against me, and I'm matriculating myself down to where I'm coming at her from behind. I can get just a little of me into her, and she's digging it, but I'm frankly not satisfied. You don't bury your treasure with half of it sticking out. So, after I had gotten her good and worked up, and I was raging hard now, I decided it was time to take what I wanted.

I extricated myself and decided that I was going to throw her on her back and give her a jolly rogering. The only problem was, the lights were off, it was dark, and I couldn't exactly see what I was doing.

As I went to grab her shoulder and throw her back onto the bed, she began to sit up and roll over and pull her pants the rest of the way off. So, when my hand went flying to grasp ahold of trajectory was all wrong and my hand punched her right in the eye.

Down she went, the reverberations of the meaty smack of my hand meeting her eye still echoing in the darkness of the bedroom.

And then the giggling commenced. From both parties. I did ask if she was alright, and then we giggled some more.

And then we fucked like hounds.

And, to top it off, we giggled some more.

Sated, we went to sleep.

The following morning, we were in the kitchen getting ready for the day, and she was feeling the tender flesh around the orbit of her eye. It wasn't bruised...badly...but it was a little puffy and a little bit darker than it should be. I felt bad, but not enough that I didn't start giggling again.

Because that's the kind of guy I am: punch 'em in the face, fuck 'em hard, laugh about it in the morning. Yep, I'm a keeper.

And for good measure...while the kids were eating breakfast...she unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher.


EmcogNEATO! said...

LOL! For a while there, I was like: I hope this isn't going to be porn. Because I'm at work. And this place has a preschool. And rabbis.

Bev said...

You are a lucky man! I'd have hit you back. And you would have liked it.

Wynn said...

Hahaha. You're quite the charmer. Almost been there though, it's the stuff you remember. Good times.

BigSis said...

As long as there's no pointing, laughing in the bedroom can be a good thing. I don't know about getting smacked in the face though.

red said...

What do you tell your kids about all the noise?

kate said...

Yeah, I'd still go for the sexin's, but reserve the right to be totally mad at you for the punch immediately afterward.

Soda and Candy said...

Haha, oh man, how'd she explain that one at the office?!

otherworldlyone said...

You know, some people go for that sort of thing.

Just sayin'.

ClevelandPoet said...

laughing together paired with a nice jolly rogering can do a world of goood.

Mala said...

Two things I learned about Jenksy today:
He has to have the lighst on (sigh)
and he likes it rough.

carissa said...

What a happy fairytale like story. I am glad it wasn't the scary story I feared (A wrong hole) so I guess its a good thing you keep the lights on.

Everyday Kathy said...

That was a total riot! Found you in the TMI links.
Hare is mine: Everyday Bliss TMI Post

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Most kickass comment of the day shall be mine.

The Strawberry Milkshake: punch her in the nose then cum in her face.

Because Vita Brevis has a pimp hand which is strong.

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

I love the stock photo of the pouting, 1993 power couple.

words...words...words... said...

I am not married, but this post is a strong selling point for the institution.

Tracie said...

It's good to be you.