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Inspirational Reads

So Long Meatwad...We Hardly Knew Ye

February 1, 2007

Okay, for the record, I already knew that the "bombs" were part of a marketing stunt by Adult Swim to promote Aqua Teen Hunger Force (number one in the hood, y'all), but last night when I read the stories and saw the picture of the "device", I immediately recognized one of the Mooninites flipping us the bird hardcore. Apparently, in their post-Pats playoff let down, the city of Boston has nothing better to do than stalk Theo Epstein and take out their wrath against Cartoon Network.

Please. How many other people, seeing that flashing little LED, would have been like, "Holy shit! Aqua Teen!"? A lot, I'm guessing, since the promotion went on in nine other cities and none of them called Homeland Security, scrambled the jets, shut down their major thoroughfares, and brought in John McCain. I realize this is a post-9/11 world in which we live, and Boston is the city from where the terrorists boarded the planes to take down the towers, and maybe Boston is feeling just a little guilty over their lack of scrutiny on that fateful day, but c'mon. Call out your average college student (or older, since I'm in that crowd) and ask around about the picture on the device. I'm sure about 90% of them (even kids at Boston College could make that logical jump...if you just waited a little longer than most others) would have had the same reaction: "Ha ha ha! Aqua Teen! Dude, where's Master Shake?"

Now, I'll admit it. I hate Boston. I consider myself a Yankees fan (only slightly) only because I can't stand the city of Boston and their asshat fans (but, given Charlie Weis' ties to the Patriots, I more or less pull for them...except when it comes to the playoffs, only because I want Tom Brady to never win anything without a certain Robot Genius calling the plays). Every person I've ever met from Boston has been lumped into that asshat category. I hate their accents, I hate their teams, I hate the way they talk louder than any other human being in the room, I hate their colleges, I hate the way their fans trash my campus win or lose, I hate their Federalist hold outs when the rest of the country has moved on. In my mind, about the only good thing they did was dress up as Indians Natives and chuck boxes of tea into the harbor...and I largely appreciate this incident only because I can't stand tea. This is just another knock against a city that I largely consider to be the right armpit of the country (the other armpit would be Gary, or "da Region"). I mean, this is where Ben Affleck is from. That should be enough for forced exclusion from the remainder of the country.

So seriously, lighten up. Tonight, go home, pop some popcorn, and tune in Adult Swim. From Futurama to Ghost in the Shell (which is one of the finest Anime imports this fine country has ever been blessed to receive, in my highly humble opinion), you'll find that this is one of the more entertaining blocks of television on the airwaves...or cable waves...or satellite signals or whatever. You might even crack a smile or be able to get obscure cultural references, and you might even develop a sense of humor (if you watch enough, that is). You might even, and I realize this is a stretch, find it in your hearts to appreciate some artist's right to freedom of expression and find in your cold, dark, frozen hearts to NOT arrest some college kid for putting these signs up.

And if you don't, Brock Sampson is going to kick your ass.


Chemgeek said...

I was unaware of the other nine cities (I've been busy writing tests and grading). That puts this thing in a whole different light. I'm starting to think the Boston folks may have overly freaked out a tad. Perhaps they should add a 18-30 yo person to their Boston-land Security so this never happens again. I actually like Boston for some of the same reasons you hate Boston. Except the Ben Affleck thing. I think we can agree to agree that Ben Affleck sucks all things that suck at sucking.