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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Volume XXX

June 26, 2009

First things first, today is my niece Olivia's fifth birthday. I can all but guarantee that my in-laws don't read this, but still, I'd like to wish her a happy birthday. So, happy birthday Liv.

In case you didn't realize it, Summer arrived this week. It strolled in, punched us all in the face, and then trampled on our dreams of "maybe I won't have to spend quite so much on the air conditioning this year." Ha, fat chance of that. Granted, it's only been in the upper 80s and mid-90s here. In Waco the other day, it was 108, which is hot enough to melt lead. I think. Don't doubt me; I'm a scientist.

With the summer, of course, comes summer blockbusters. Not only did summer arrive this week, but so did the much anticipated (by my four-year-old son) Transformers 2. Anyone know if there's more references to Shia LaBeouf pounding putz in this one? No matter. I thought I'd do a little service this week, and provide you with the Latin names of some of the Transformers. I don't know if all of these characters appear in the movie (probably not, since the movies aren't as cool as I remember the cartoons to be), but they're the ones that I could translate with minimal effort on my part while drunk.

Bombus: Bumblebee
Canis Venaticus: Hound
Juxtafrangere: Sideswipe
Solivirga: Sunstreaker
Mirari: Mirage
Vis: Brawn
Rotis cum Dentes: Gears
Caerulvirga: Bluestreak
Ferrocutis: Ironhide
Optimus Primus: Optimus Prime
Ultramagnus: Ultramagnus (my wife thinks this would be a wonderful size name for a condom).

Yeah, I realize those are all Autobots. The Decepticons' symbol is too pointy for my taste. Suck it.

Since it's hot, I'll give you a little something to interject into conversations in the elevators when some dumbass asks if "it's hot enough for you?" No, numbnuts, my face is beet red and there's a trickle of sweat dripping off my scrotum because I'd like God to crank it up a few more degrees. Fuck you and your rhetorical, unfunny questions.

Anyway, should you get caught by someone who finds himself (or herself...I'm equal opportunity like that) amused by his own pith, just respond with this:

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommadat, stercorem pro cerebro!

Pronounced: "Nohn cah-lore said oo-more est kwee noh-bees een-coh-mah-daht, stair-core-aim proh kay-ray-boh!"


Translation in the hovertext!

I found the cartoon at the Global Forecasting Centre for South Africa's website, in case you were curious.

13 comments:

Sassy Britches said...

Thank you for the image of scrotum sweat. Exactly what I was hoping for this morning.

Pfangirl said...

As for Transformers, I'll only be getting to the sequel in the next few weeks but AICN's Harry Knowles calls it "foul mouthed, racist & misogynistic". No masturbating references for the kiddies this time around, but instead we get humping dogs, stoned moms and ever popular racial slurs.

Nej said...

When it's less humid in the gym locker room, than it is outside...then you know summer has arrived with a vengeance. :-)

Kimizzy said...

It was 104 here yesterday.

God bless Houston. And quick, please.

red said...

We've only had, like, 2 sunny days this month. Global warming is a bitch!

Soda and Candy said...

Still prefer heat to cold.

Also, is it, like, in your contract that every post has to mention your balls?

; )

Sass said...

I love the line in Denis Leary's Asshole song where he says, "How about this heat?"

It's miserable...but it gives me a good excuse to lay around at the pool and do NOTHING. ;)

(As if I needed an excuse).

Jidai said...

Just be grateful that you don't live in a damn swamp. We have 90% humidity and it won't rain for two more damn days!

TishTash said...

So practical Latin question...how do you pronounce the Rs? Do you roll it? Or is it a soft sound?

Eric said...

I'm wishing I was located in more frozen tundra-ish climes.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Sassy Britches: When it comes to measuring heat, I always go by the "How Sweaty Are My Balls" Index.

@ Pfangirl: Yeah, I heard about how it's racist because the street-talking robots can't read. Kind of like how Jar Jar Binks was racist. So, I'm guessing they're less racist and more just dumb. One of them is Spongebob. I know that much. Also, is it misogynistic because there's no female robots, kind of like how the Lord of the Rings movies were misogynistic because there were no women in the Fellowship, and that Eowyn was "thrown in at the end to appease the females being dragged to the theatre by their boyfriends"? After I heard that, I realized that professional reviewers are completely out of touch with...anything.

@ Nej: Amen. That's a good call.

@ Kimizzy: Ugh, yeah, I feel your pain. It's 96 here right now, and I'm miserable. Please don't add 8 more degrees.

@ red: Oh no, clouds!

@ Soda & Candy: You can at least dress for the cold. Plus, I love the bracing feeling of cold air in my lungs. I'd rather shiver than sweat.

@ Sass: Is that an invitation to join you at the pool? Even if it isn't, I'm on my way.

@ Jidai: We have the same 10,000% humidity here, and the same dome of high pressure keeping the instability at bay, so it's hot, humid, and no relief in sight...except for maybe later tonight.

@ TishTash: They're hard, but you can roll them a little bit like in Scottish.

@ Eric: Yeah, Sweden is looking good right about now. Oh, well, and all year round, too.

Fancy Schmancy said...

It hasn't even warmed up up north yet, and the humidity is killing me already. That's what happens when it rains for a month straight. The mosquitoes will feast this summer!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Are you saying it would be okay for some dumbass in an elevator to ask, "I hope your balls are as sweaty as mine. Shit, it's hot." or perhaps dumbass should keep his mouth shut?

The only thing I remember about my 2 years of Latin in high school is the Brother, his long white robe flowing, standing ON the desk exhorting us to keep up in some lame conjugation. It did help when I started learning medical terminology though.