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Confession (It's a Pun)

September 14, 2009

When your blogs aren't enough to fill up my wasting time calendar, I rely heavily on the quizzes at Sporcle.com. I was clued in to Sporcle a few months ago when Lou mentioned there was a periodic table quiz there: they give you a blank periodic table, you fill in the elements. Being that this was a synergystic exercise that combined both my need to justify the vast amounts of useless knowledge locked in my brain AND the eight pounds of crazy stuffed into a five-pound sack that was my decision to become a chemist, it was perfect.

Today I flipped over there and found a quiz for the Seven Sacraments. This combined both the useless information AND all those years of Catholic schoolin' for two minutes of sheer, trivia-fueled bliss. Only problem was, I tore through them. Well...actually, I tore through the first six that came to mind, but the seventh...it eluded me. I sat here, wracking my brains, coming up with nothing except a big empty void (the one that's usually there). Finally, I muttered to myself: "If I don't get this one, I'll have to go to Confession."

*facepalm*

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Jill Pilgrim showed us how she sits up between the hours of 1 am and 3 am and does her hair and redoes her hair and redoes her hair some more before taking lots of pictures of herself and then she lets the computer decide what celebrity she looks like.

I once did this, but instead of a computer program, I let my student at Notre Dame tell me whom I looked like. And, really, I didn't let them tell me so much as one of them suddenly had it dawn on him whom it was that my sweet visage reminded him of.

See, while Jill Pilgrim is pretty and gets compared to people like Natalie Imbruglia and Laetitia Casta, I am decidedly unpretty. Therefore, my celebrity look-alike, as deemed by my students was Tom Green.

That would have been fine because, at the time, Tom Green had a fairly successful variety show and was banging Drew Barrymore. However, someone else added, "Yeah, you do look like Tom Green...except, fatter. Yeah, you're like a fat Tom Green."

And then everyone in the class agreed. And, not only did they agree, but they told my students in my next group that I looked like a fat Tom Green, and they all rushed in and they, too, agreed that I looked like a fat Tom Green. They didn't even sugar-coat it. I was just "a fat Tom Green...with glasses."

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During this weekend's Notre Dame and Michigan game, the swear filter was in full effect...for most of the game. As the inevitable conclusion continued to play out, the filter became a little less rigid, we'll say. Finally, at one point, things broke down so badly that I let off a string of "shit"s that would have done a hamster or a Canada goose proud.

This was picked up by my five-year-old son, Tank, who echoed the staccato salvo of shits. "Shit, shit," he said, aloud. And then, in truly inspired brilliance, he fired off "Triple shit!"

My wife was less than amused. She explained to him that shit was a bad word and that he couldn't say it, but when he got older he could if he wanted to. Then she leveled a look at me that was supposed to be upbraiding.

I, however, was amused. Because, really, "triple shit" is fucking awesome. Not only does it show a creative streak, but how many kids in his kindergarten class know what "triple" means? Plus, I have now vowed to work "triple shit" into my Notre Dame watching routine.

21 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

Triple shit your kid is a genius, you can expect huge things from your offspring, that's for sure.

That Baldy Fella said...

"Sporcle" sounds like it should be used as a word more often in conversation. or maybe it's some piece of uber-cutlery - a knife/fork/spoon/spatula/ladle combo...

red said...

OMG! Thanks for the link to Sporcle. This will make my life.

Elliott said...

I love that your son knows triple, as long as he doesn't start triple-dog daring anyone to lick flagpoles during recess.

Jeney Peney said...

I fear that "triple shit" will definitely be the quote of the season.

Me being a Bears fan doesn't help either.

Adam L. said...

Despite my raging Catholicism (okay, it's more of a tropical storm than a hurricane) I haven't been to Confession in a while. I just don't get as much out of it as others do.

I decided to keep my "Confessions" in my blog instead, I guess.

Also, I can't wait to have children that can be taught bad words. Hopefully they'll be as intelligent as yours!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Is is somewhat ironic that I am watching the "Big Bang Theory" as I read this post? They do have a periodic table of elements in their shower so that you can learn while you wash. I went to Catholic school from 5th grade to high school graduation and I think everything I learned about sin has leaked out of my head. Let's face it, everything is a sin in Catholicism so you spend a lot of time in confession. If you keep up with the face palm, you might squash your nose flat. That would be a real triple shit.

BeckEye said...

I'm guessing the 7th has something to do with Confession? I have no idea. I'm one of those heathens.

JenJen said...

Triple shit?? Fucking awesome.
Are you really a chemist? That explains alot about, uh, our vibe.
Nerds tend to stick together.
Sorry Michigan clobbered ND and that hurt your feelings.
NEENER NEENER NEEEEEEN-ER

Lisa-tastrophies said...

You should also be proud of Tank's quick learning skills and ability to think on his feet :-)

Jill Pilgrim said...

I would totally do Tom Green. Before I was married of course. Just saying.

Also, the periodic table is my bitch.

Lana said...

you should copyright that shit.

mike said...

I didnt even know what a sacrament was. I would have guessed the seven deadly sins, because I just watched that movie.

Shows what I know. (that, and I took ND over Michigan on saturday.)

Mala said...

I hope you failed the whole lot!

And just to clarify... you were wearing pants right? I mean, where exactly was the resemblance?

Now, why not let US decide....

JennyMac said...

Are you kidding me with Sporcle? I both praise and curse you for sharing that!

And you are one of the few people I would listen to even mention the periodic elements quiz.

erin said...

I can't wait to go to the quiz site. I'm sure my whole family will greatly appreciate that you found something else for my to do with the time I should be spending doting on them.

otherworldlyone said...

You should have put your bum on their faces.

As for triple shit...that's quite nice. I'll have to tell the kid to up her game.

Bev said...

Your kid is brilliant, just like his ol' man! Triple Shit rules, and I will be working that phrase into my repetoire as well.

"Fat Tom Green" made me giggle, so thanks for that.

Eric said...

Wow, which parish has nuns as in the top picture? I almost instantly converted.

Nej said...

I must pass on the link to the periodic table quiz to Mot. After seeing the shower curtain in Big Bang Theory, he wants one of those as well. Coincidentally, the colors would match that room quite well.

A fat Tom Green. Hmmmm.......

Triple shit is rockin' awesome!!!

:-)

words...words...words... said...

I think I said "triple shit" when Damione Lewis hit Donovan McNabb in the end zone and broke his ribs approximately sixteen minutes after the play ended.