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Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. XXXVIII

September 4, 2009

Salvete, omnes! Let's all gather 'round and congratulate me for not making a sports-related post in quite some time. This one isn't really one either, because it's all Latin-centric, or something.

Anyway, last night--technically--the college football season got underway. A handful of teams got to play in the opener, but most of the action unfolds tomorrow, which is why I consider it the real start to college football season. At least for my college football tastes, that is.

While my undergrad wasn't exactly known as a powerhouse, I went to grad school at one of those places that drips with history, tradition, national championships and Heisman trophy winners. I mean, hell, there's been two movies made about Notre Dame football, both of which are at least somewhat famous. Plus, we have that sweet cameo in the original Die Hard. Not to mention, goddamned Rudy helped carry the Ring of Power to Mount motherfucking Doom!

Alright, alright, I'll settle down now. Let me tell you about the worst football game I ever went to. ND was playing USC my first year in grad school, and so my buddies and I decided to do what all American football fans do prior to the game: get good and liquored up. And, if you're drinking, you should be eating, right? Exactly. So, the night before the game, we went to the local Meijer store. If you're unfamiliar with Meijer, they're kind of the ones who started off this whole department store/grocery hybrid model that Super Target and Megalomart have both glommed on to. Anyway, I decided to get some cheap wine for my pre-game festivities, and since I went to Notre Dame, I figured why not try the Wild Irish Rose? I settled on some godawful flavor--I don't remember what it was, but it had ginseng in it, so not only was I going to get shitfaced ugly drunk, I would be fighting cancer...and apparently erectile dysfunction.

Anyway, I started out drinking the stuff, and it wasn't that bad. In fact, I was raving about how wonderful it was. About two thirds of the way through the bottle, I decided I was getting hungry. My friend, Dr. Assy, had been cooking up some kielbasi in sauerkraut (he was from eastern Pennsylvania...that should say it all right there). My friends, let me tell you, I put some hurting on some kielbasi that day. Of course, I couldn't let the last third of a bottle of Wild Irish Rose go to waste, so I polished that off, as well.

Only...I didn't feel so good. It was just about time for us to go stumbling walking over to the stadium when the Irish rose and the kielbasi started wrestling, and the only loser in that fight was my stomach. I had to purge myself of the contents of my stomach, and then we were off for the game. And, ohmygod, the steps at Notre Dame stadium never looked so effing steep. I had to haul myself up to the top of the stadium. By halftime of the game, I was hung over. By the end of the third quarter, I wanted to be dead.

Fortunately, a rain shower swept over the stadium, soaking us all and bringing sweet, sweet relief to my pounding head. If it hadn't been for that rain, I'm convinced I wouldn't be here, telling you this story. And, to make matters better, we actually somehow managed to beat USC (I believe the final score was 23-21, ND).

Lucky for me--and the blogosphere--I survived the game. And, as the college football season gets underway tomorrow, I'll be there, yelling this for one and all to hear:

Eamus, O hibernii pugnax!

Pronounced: "Aye-ah-moose, oh hee-bare-nee-ee poog-nahx!"

Translation in the hovertext!


If you want to know how to root for your team in Latin, leave me a note in the comments and I'll do my best. If it's something easy like tigers (tigres ("tee-grace")) or Wildcats (feles feras ("fay-lace fay-ross")), it should be no problem. If your mascot happens to be a Cornhusker...I make no promises.

28 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

You realize that rooting for your team in Latin at an actual game will get the shit kicked out of you, right?

Unless you're in a country that speaks Latin as the national language.

But I don't think they play football.

Adam L. said...

I love Meijer! It's like Walmart but I don't feel dirty when I shop there.
Let's go Fighting Illini? I'll yell it at the basketball games this winter...

Scope said...

I will try to remember to shout this tomorrow when I am in that self same stadium watching ND whomp Neveda. It will be my first game since...

THE NAVY GAME.

For those of you keeping track, I was there for BOTH: 'THE NAVY GAME' and 'THE BOSTON COLLEGE GAME'. Yes, they play both schools every year, but any fan instantly knows what games I mean.

(And with this comment, I think I've about half written my Monday post!)

otherworldlyone said...

GOOOOO COCKS! (toe touch) WOOOO!

Elliott said...

You've consumed the Wild Eye and lived to tell of it? Yow.

One year ND was playing Texas A&M in the Cotton Bowl, and I was with friends from both A&M and Texas State. The Longhorn kept throwing up his hands in the traditional Longhorn symbol screaming 'Notre Dame!' Good times.

erin said...

I'm from Western PA and kielbasa is a staple around here. I won't even touch the stuff.

Saying that...we have a billion colleges around here. What are the football teams names? Pitt Panthers is the only one I can think of.

I've been watching the NFL dutifully for as long as I can remember (my pappy played then coached football and is VERY VERY in to the NFL), but I don't think I've ever watched a college game. But don't tell anyone around here that...

red said...

Touchdown Jesus!!!

Some Guy said...

I was gonna ask about the Illini, but I see someone beat me to it.

words...words...words... said...

It is a testament to my graciousness as a human being that I deign to comment on a post extolling the "virtues" of Notre Dame football :p

But I have no room to talk, my team name is simply a color. Not really the most menacing thing to chant at a stadium.

Nej said...

Not a Cornhusker fan, but everyone else in this stinkin' town is. :-) It's a sea of red everywhere you go.

I wore blue and white to work. I'm making enemies as I sit here.

I live for college football season, for that reason alone. :-) :-)

Jeney Peney said...

I gotta ask... prediction for tomorrow?

I say Irish win 24 - 10.

Go Irish! Beat Wolfpack!

Jill Pilgrim said...

Go Baby Eaters!!

Score One For Hookers Of America!!

Jill Pilgrim Rocks It Old School!

Please translate.

Cooper Green said...

We don't do college football here in Canadia. Well we do, but nobody notices. It just doesn't seem very educational. Go T'birds.

Cooper Green said...

Just to illustrate how non-footbally we are / I am: I had no idea whether or not the UBC Thunderbirds were winning or losing from year to year, but I knew that their longtime coach's name (Frank Gnup) spelled backwards was Knarf Pung.

Frank said...

I think Meijer is headquartered somewhere in Michigan. The first one opened near my house in the early 90s, and they're everywhere in Detroit.

Apparently my undergrad college team is pretty good, but they're Division III, so no one cares.

Gauche said...

*giggle* awww. You know, sometimes NOT getting wasted makes watching football more fun. I know...I know......you cry blasphemy, but watching my pals puke their little guts out in the restroom sounds like no fun at all...especially in a stadium restroom....btw, I LOVE ND and yes...Rudy helped get the One Ring to Mount Doom....THAT'S real ND legacy. ;)

Soda and Candy said...

When I first moved here someone was telling me about their favorite team which was from Cincinatti, and I thought the Bangles was an odd name for a football team. Not very tough, you know?

That's about everything I know about American football. Or really any kind of football. Or really any kind of sport.

serendipity said...

I am an NFL girl--I know nothing of this college football you speak of. I DO know who the fighting Irish are though--so I at least get points for that.
I hope you have a great holiday Mjenks! I'm sorry I haven't been by in so long.

--snow

snowelf said...

oh duh, I'm sorry--i was logged in under my other blog account and I didn't notice. it's really me, snow, not some impostor.

--snow

Lisa-tastrophies said...

My undergrad U has a tradition that the entire student body will stand during the entire game. The only time you are allowed to sit is when the visiting team's band is on the field. Plus the geniuses who designed the stadium faced the student side in the sun until well into the evening. Sun + alcohol + standing when piss drunk for hours on end = Serious school spirit or stupidity (based on our 20 year perpetual "rebuilding" year football team suckage)

LiLu said...

Sauerkraut and pumpkin are the two things that make me hurl upon first smell. Somehow I am blessed with a man who, although he hails from Eastern PA, respects this.

Chemgeek said...

OK...OK...OK (he stammers while out of breath). I got here as fast as I could. My computer was down. I lost all bookmarks, RSS reader was kaput etc... I'm sorry for not getting here sooner. oops, as a Husker fan I just spoke and obscenity (get it?).

OK, tell me how to cheer for the Huskers in Latin. That would finally make me cool.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Wow, a Wild Irish Rose baptism, with rain no less. My brother went to Occidental...got anything for the Tigers?

Victoria H. said...

I'd love to be the smartest chick at the football game. I'll have to memorize this. :)

Scope said...

Hope you had a good weekend. Did a "Totally Blowing Stuff Up Tuesday" over at my join today.

It was inspired by Cora. Now doesn't that sound STEAMY!

Eric said...

Hey, University of Texas barely squeezed by this weekend. Whew.

Too bad about OU though, yikes.

mo.stoneskin said...

Cheap wine, you have let me down my friend. And I had put you down as a classy Rioja-quaffing lad too.

*crosses punk off the classy Rioja-quaffing list*

Harmony said...

So it looks like I am following you twice, as the first time around didn't take. *shrugs*

Sounds like that Wild Irish Rose has quite the turn around, although I find it hard to believe that sauerkraut and anything mix well together.