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Happy Saint Faith Day!!!

October 6, 2010

Well, I had a really good blog post to put together. I thought of it yesterday afternoon, and then...I forgot it. Completely and totally. It was marvelous; it was another story from my college years. And I completely forgot the fucking tale. I apologize.

In its stead, I shall dip my toes into the hagiography once more.

Today is Saint Faith day, or Sancta Fides day (her Roman name). She was born in Aquitania (check the above map) in the southwest of present day France. Apparently a Christian from a very early age, Fides was rounded up in one of several Christian persecutions seen during the latter stages of the Roman Empire. Though she was arrested and tossed in a dank jail cell, Faith refused to offer up any sacrifices or prayers to the pagan gods of the Roman Empire (which would be pretty much any of the gods of the Roman Empire at the time). Despite her dark cell and her captors torturing her--it is said that she was strapped naked to a glowing red brazier and then beaten--Faith would not relent. She died upon the brazier, sizzling all the way to Heaven.

The date of her death is not exactly known. She either died in the year 287 or 290 anno domini, or she died during the large-scale Christian persecutions under Emperor Diocletian around 303. The time of her death really is irrelevant; the fact that she died is the important thing because she died a martyr, which made her uberpopular with the growing enclaves of Christians spread around--and just outside of--the Empire.

A couple of centuries after she headed for that big side of fries in the skies, her name was attached to several legends. It is said that Saint Faith's miracles were more "jokes" or "tricks" that she played on her adherents. One such tale was that a woman, who often venerated Saint Faith, was dying. Being that she loved her husband and Faith, she pulled her wedding ring from her finger and gave it to her husband to take to Faith's church at Conques (in Southern France). Upon her death, the man pocketed the ring and kept it, eventually giving it to his second wife when he remarried.

Apparently, this didn't sit well with Saint Faith. After trying to murder Angel, she caused the woman's ring finger to swell up and become painful. Eventually, the man and his second wife made it to Faith's shrine, where they were praying to the saint. The woman then decided that she needed to blow her nose, and gave such a powerful honk that the ring flew off her ring finger and "landed with a sharp crack on the pavement at a great distance." With her Precious lost to her, she spent the remainder of her days stalking barefoot midgets, often doing battle with the fat ones.

Faith's remains were transferred to the abbey at Conques (which is pronounced "conk", by the way), and some of them are kept in a golden reliquary therein. Apparently, there is some controversy about the reliquary itself, in that the face appears to be a portrait of an unknown Roman political official--either an unidentified emperor or regional prefect. Others have speculated that it's actually the death-mask of Charlemagne. This is largely due to the fact that the face looks like a dude.

Saint Faith's attributes are the sword, the rod and...the gridiron. Awesome. I know who I'm praying to the next time Notre Dame gets the fumblies...which is to say, this weekend.

Because Conques lies along one of the many branches of the Way of Saint James (perhaps better known as The Camino de Santiago), Faith is the Patron Saint of pilgrims. Because she was incarcerated and died upon the brazier, she is also the Patron Saint of prisoners (makes sense), soldiers (uh...?) and Dairy Queen.

Let's all get a footlong and lift a blizzard up in honor of Saint Faith!

9 comments:

That Baldy Fella said...

Nice additonal punning in the top caption, there. Good work, sir.

Sara said...

Do the pictures of that hot chick apply to the story?

Saint Faith sounds like the most awesome saint ever. I'm betting if they hadn't given the ring up, she would have made that dude's dick fall off.

Also, forgetting the story? Gettin' old...

MJenks said...

I must admit: there are five saints who days are celebrated today, as well as three important battles in the history of the Roman Empire (then the Republic).

I chose Faith due to the Buffy connection. Nerd humor, I has it.

MJenks said...

@ Sara: Yeah, I know, it's old. But, still. I'm old. My memory slips sometimes. Especially when I'm jackin' it to enormous self-portraits in some people's side bars.

Also, yes, the picture of the chick is Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The Invisible Seductress said...

Mmmmmm Blizzard!!!!


I just love your writing!!!

MJenks said...

@ Invisible Seductress: Aww, shucks, ma'am. Thanks. You're going to make me blush, wherein my cheeks will turn the color of a red-hot brazier.

SkylersDad said...

Eliza was even hotter in dollhouse, but the show had it's problems.

But that isn't what the whole topic was about, I just had a major blood re-direct after her picture.

DEZMOND said...

yes, I also wonder what's the connection between the story and the pics :)
Faith would be Vera in Serbian.

Sully said...

That beat the hell outa noodle day.