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Inspirational Reads

*sputter*

October 14, 2010

It's been a fabulous morning.

My wife, on many days, gets up about an hour before I do. This morning, as per usual, she got up, and took her shower. As she was going about getting herself together for the day, I could feel a cold front rolling through the area. The temperature was dropping and rain was beginning to fall outside, cooling the air further. In the distance, thunder rolled. Lightning flashes crept in around the edges of the curtains.

I love storms. Especially at night. Or even in the early morning. That, combined with my wife getting ready for work, meant that I dozed rather than slept. I heard her leave, and shortly thereafter my alarm went off. I remained in bed for a while, waiting to hear if my daughter was going to get up. I heard her go into the bathroom to take her shower, so I closed my eyes again.

This time, I dreamed. I dreamed that I was actually taking a nap. I was dreaming about sleeping. I think maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me to go to bed earlier at night. Fuck you, subconscious! Are you going to write this manuscript I've been plowing through recently? I thought not.

However, if I was dreaming, that meant that I was sleeping. I suddenly realized that, roused myself from my dreams, and then jumped out of bed. It was a quarter after seven, which is thirty minutes after I need to get up. Fortunately, my son was already up. My daughter had eaten her breakfast. I was able to get him fed and even pound down a quick breakfast of my own. Coffee was thrown on, I jumped in the shower with a thunderstorm raging outside, and got cleaned up, organized-ish, and got everyone ready for school.

Unfortunately, when it was time for the bus to show up, it was still raining. I, personally, do not own an umbrella, ever since my trusty Notre Dame umbrella Swissified itself, bent its shaft, and refused to open OR close. How I managed to do that to an umbrella, I'll never know. So, I stood outside with the kids--who were crowded under my daughter's umbrella--in the rain. I tried to shelter under a pine tree, which sort of worked. What I was able to avoid from the rain I gained in the huge drops of water dripping off the needles above my head.

With the children on the bus, I returned to the house, finished getting ready, scraped together a lunch, and made my coffee. Unfortunately, one of my coffee cups was missing a lid. I used it anyway, thinking I would just hold the cup and drive slowly. I've done it before. I'd do it again.

The rain continued and, as I was driving to work, it intensified. I was able to pick my way through downtown on my usual route. Then, as I was about to get on the freeway, the rain lessened a bit.

Huzzah! I thought.

I got on the entrance ramp and began picking up speed when...I hydroplaned.

Spinning, I found myself suddenly turning toward the traffic on the freeway. I was able to correct the skid easily enough, to realign myself with the flow of traffic and seamlessly merge in with the other cars participating in the morning rat race.

Unfortunately, the coffee cup I was still holding did not move so elegantly while I was trying to regain my momentum. The coffee splashed, violently, over the rim of the cup and landed across my lap. Normally, this would not be an issue as I wear jeans to work most every day. Today, however, I wore khakis. Now, I'm wearing tiger-striped khakis.

But the fun doesn't stop there. As I continued on toward work, the rain reintesified. Lightning flickered and flashed; thunder roared and rumbled. I pull into the parking lot as several other people are making mad dashes for the door. I gather my belongings, lock the door and also dash toward the door.

And then, the person ahead of me by ten feet, who looked back and saw me, closed the fucking door on my face. She was in such a hurry to scurry into the building that she closed the door on me. She did not have the fucking common courtesy to hold the door for someone who obviously works here, who was using the same entrance, and who didn't have a fucking umbrella.

I'm mostly dry now. I'm cold, because the building hasn't adjusted to the fact that it's no longer 90 (you know, two days ago). My pants are dried, somewhat, but coffee-stained. And my shirt has that sort of clinging damp feeling that you get when you've been standing in the rain too long and you let the shirt air dry.

I'm sure I'll be dead by the morning, having caught some vile form of ague. Remember me fondly. And fondle me if you remember.

16 comments:

Jidai said...

Being an adult sucks, I'm gonna skip work and play on the swing all day!

... Crap.

Cora said...

So, no drama then?

That Baldy Fella said...

I also woke up late this morning. However, it was not raining here. And that's just the sort of exciting comment you can expect to see more of.

Elliott said...

As I read this, the weather has shifted three times outside. We've already had hail, blue sky and torrential downpour. Trying to get to lunch should be fun.

Adam L. said...

We had a similar experience yesterday - the weather shifted from hot and sunny to dark and stormy in a matter of minutes, which of course happened the only time during the day I had to go outside.

On the other hand, this led to the best line of the day - learning about urinary tract infections in my micro class, the professor's warning that "... bacteria can gain access to the bladder" was punctuated by a perfectly timed crack of thunder. I'm certainly going to take UTI's more seriously now!

Hart Johnson said...

Man, when it rains it pours, ne? I had a day about two years ago now that a car actually deluged me with water as it went too fast through the puddle, me at the crosswalk. I literally had to take all my clothes off and shut my office door to get everything dried out. I normally love a storm too, but not on the way to work.

Sass said...

I want to tell you to skip the coffee from now on.

Maybe you'll sleep better, and blah blah blah.

But that would make me an asshat. And I'm not in the mood for that today.

Wynn said...

Those days, the only thing you can do is to go to bed earlier and forget all about it.

Helen Ginger said...

Let's hope you didn't look like that angry wet cat. Although...in a way, the cat's kinda cute.

What a morning you had! Please tell me you've since bought an umbrella.

Helen

MJenks said...

@ Jidai: The days of the swings supporting my avoirdupois have long passed... *sighs*

@ Cora: Drama? What? Me? Never! *curls into ball and cries*

@ Baldy: Isn't the fact that it's NOT raining comment worthy, or have I been led astray by the constantly raining skies in Neil Gaiman books?

@ Elliot: I feared the same thing about lunch. Then I decided that I really didn't want my soup, so I braved the world at large. I successfully...or so...navigated the outside world with very little else happening to me.

@ Adam: Once, in undergrad, one of my friends had something like that happen. He was in a history class, and the professor said something BIG and GRAND and it just happened to be punctuated by a clap of thunder. The professor then claimed he had a work order put in for that.

I remember it only because that same clap of thunder woke me from my nap.

@ Hart: Jesus, woman, I need to work in your office. Are you hiring?

@ Sass: If you should tell me to skip the coffee, I should tell you to find a rope to piss up. However, since I've limited my caffeine intake in the evenings, I have been sleeping better through the night.

@ Wynn: If I didn't have so much stuff to do today in preparation for a teleconference tomorrow, I would have turned around, gone to bed and ignored the world at large.

@ Helen: No, I think that's the exact look I saddled one of my friends with this morning when I came dripping into work.

And...pssht...why would I do a silly thing like buy a new umbrella?

Bev said...

Holy crap! What a shitty morning. I'm sorry you're all crumpled and coffee-stained, but glad you survived the spinning-on-the-freeway car. Scary stuff!

Btw, that storm is heading my way (Nor'easter). Let's hope I weather it a bit better than you did.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I hate to rain on your parade...(no pun intended) but it sounds to me like you need new tires for your car too.

Sorry man.

Scope said...

I used to care if I got rained on, splashed, etc. on the way to work. But I ride public transit. I have found mysterious "L Goo" on my pants more times that I want to think about, and have just given up on caring.

That also helps me in not caring how wrinkled my shirts are, either.

SkylersDad said...

I had to step over my sleeping dog on my commute down the hall this morning, does that count for anything?

Sara said...

Oh my god, that woman was such a WENCH!

(Sorry about that, but it WAS raining really hard, and I had my cute shoes on...)

Nej said...

Not holding the door for the next person, even if they are many feet away, ESPECIALLY if it's raining.....the process is akin to having someone let you merge in front of them on the busy interstate, and then NOT waving a polite thanks.

(have I lived in the Midwest too long?)