Follow by Email

Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol XCV

January 14, 2011

If you're anything like me, you've just spent nearly three very...long...weeks...trapped in a house with your children. And, if you're like me and have no fucking backbone at all, you don't tell the screaming little shits to go clean their rooms or to shut the fuck up, Daddy's not got his special drinky juice yet, when they've stepped out of line. Which is hourly, in my house.

And, if you're like me, you sort of just let your eyes unfocus and you stare through the television screen for hours-long marathons of iCarly and Wizards of Waverly Place when you're home on guard duty with them.

Occasionally, though, the long periods of Tweenage Tomfoolery is broken up by commercials...for more Tweenage Tomfoolery. The one of which I speak this morning is the most recent incarnation of the Kidz Bop franchise.

If you are unfamiliar with the Kidz Bop franchise...then I envy you. I envy you so much I hate you. *dark glower* If you are familiar, then, well, you know my pain. It is, for the unenlightened, a series of CDs sung by squeaky-voiced pre-teens who have been suckled on Hannah Montana and weened with the Jonas Brothers, each thinking that they will be the next big thing to come down the pike and make millions that they can blow in their early twenties on alcohol, hookers and blow.

It's better to burn out than to fade away, kids.

The commercials feature the kids singing and dancing around, Terpsichorean moves abounding, and there is usually one or two young ladies dressed as if they were going to hit the clubs hardcore. You know, their outfits consisting of a full-order of slutty with a healthy side of Lolita. And I look at the screen and I think...Jesus, Self, you're a terrible person.

The most recent Kidz Bop features an amazing new talent that no one over the age of sixteen has heard of named Hunter Pecunia. And when I first saw this, I laughed my ass off.

How Hunter became a name, I don't know, but lots of cultures have names for boys meaning "hunter". How Hunter became a name for a girl I don't understand. Unless you have a daughter named Hunter. In that case...oh, it's a beautiful name. Did you name her after the horse or the dog? Because, obviously, hunter means "one who searches for something" or "a dog or horse used for hunting".

Pecunia, though, you might not recognize right away. Pecunia is a Latin word meaning "money", "scratch" or "wampum." So, this young lady's name means "One who searches for money", and if that doesn't summarize the Kidz Bop phenomenon perfectly, then I don't know what does.

Without further ado, I present to you this week's money-themed Latin phrase:

Cunicula, ubi mea pecunia est?

Pronounced: "Cue-nee-cue-lah, oo-bee may-ah pay-cue-nee-ah est?"

Translation in the Hovertext.

Pecunia, pecuniae gives us the word "impecunious", which means "my dad". Okay, so it really means "cheap, tight with a dollar, I have a coupon for that". Interestingly enough, pecunia has its roots in an older word, pecu meaning "cattle". In the early days, after the domestication of animals and before the rise of, let's say, the car, cattle were seen as a sign of wealth. The more cattle you had, the more likely you were to make it rain. Granted, you'd be throwing cow shit in the air instead of c-notes, but *holds hands up in front of himself* do as you see fit.

If you've ever read the closest thing that the Irish had to an epic, The Tain, the entire story revolves around an argument that Queen Medb (pronounced "Maive") had with her husband Ailill (pronounced "Steven") over who had more cattle, and the war that was started over the theft of one of the cows. The argument was had when the two were in bed together one morning, and it occurred during some pillow talk right after they got done fecking. I'm not lying. If you're looking for an epic story to read that involves as much gratuitous flesh as there is gratuitous violence, I heartily recommend Tain Bo Cuailnge.

Also, yesterday, while commenting on Bev's blog, I got the word verification "potojack". This amused me because poto, potare means "I drink booze" (as opposed to bibo, bibere, which means "I drink"). So, "poto Jack" would obviously mean that I am drinking a certain delicious Tennessee Whiskey.

Poto Jack, indeed.


MJenks said...

Hmmm...apparently I fucked up the autoposting.

Oh well. Roll with it.

Bev said...

Whatevs, it's PRACTICALLY Friday!

Thanks for the shout-out. I love the name, "Hunter Pecunia!" How funny is that? I never would have realized the meaning behind Hunter's name, even though pecuniary and pugnacious are two English words that I learned in Latin class and have always liked.

And yes, I feel your pain on both the Nick and Kidz Bop fronts. Oy.

Pearl said...

Pronounced "Steven".

:-) You freak.

And on another note, I am so glad I had my boy in the early 80s. Seems I've missed out on all kinds of tween-age bullshit.


Scope said...

Glad my teenager wants me to DVR stuff like, "Chopped", "Iron Chef", etc. But if I see another "Cupcake Wars" I'll freak!

Ed said...

I hate those kids shows. And the Kids Bop CD's should be outlawed.


Hey dude, Spartacus starts back up next week! Fucking show is badass.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Oh, God. I JUST realized that this is what I have to look forward to... KidzBop (or however the fuck you spell it) makes Taylor Swift seem so much more awesome.

Secretly, I like Taylor Swift a little. What?!

My daughter and I will probably get along fine, musically. Her father will undoubtedly hate us, though... he'll want her to listen to Metallica or some such noise. ;)

Scratch the hostile fay said...

[mouses over Muppet picture]
[does spittake of canned fruit]

Dooood. That's AWESOME.

You must be living somewhere near me, I haven't been able to get out of my driveway in like a week.

Not that I'm stalking or anything.

I never understood Kidz Bop CDs. I mean, you have to pay royalties for using the songs, why have a bunch of overpaid brats singing it when you can have the original overpaid singers singing it? MUCH BETTAH.

Those silly Irish! Always arguing about cattle. When they ought to be arguing about whiskey. Is the girl in the picture Irish?

I'm sorry, I have IADD (Internet Attention Deficit Disorder)


SkylersDad said...

Am I on some sort of internet watch list now that I have viewed the picture of the girl with the JD for the better part of 15 minutes?