Oh, Hans!

You might have noticed, or maybe not, but I've been a touch absent from the blogosphere for the past few days or so. Normally, I would chalk this up to the basketball tournaments running and whatnot, however I didn't get to enjoy nearly as much basketball this year as last. I could also chalk it up to the fact that it was 81 degrees today when I went to my car at 4:30 (escaping a hydrogenation that is using 8+ grams of palladium on charcoal...yeah...I'm loving that one) and the smell of spring is in the air, the flowers are blooming, and there is much cleavage and short shorts apparent on the drive home once more. Ah, spring in the South.

None of these would explain my absence, however. I mean, the cleavage goes away shortly before sunset. No, instead, I have a much worse reason for being gone. I was sick. Very sick. So sick, in fact, that, when I finally dragged my dumb ass to the doctor, the doctor looked in my throat, screamed, and then refused to shake my hand. He all but backed into the corner, waving an accusatory finger and chanting "unclean, unclean!" at me. Well...this is all a bit of an exaggeration, but he did refuse to shake my hand. And he was giving himself a pretty good wipe down with the antibacterial soap. That pretty much tells you what I had: strep throat. I'm 31 years old. This is the first time I've ever had Strep. Honest. I've lived a pretty clean life, aside from the gall bladder, chronic asthma, lousy knees, acid reflux (which might have just been tied with the gall bladder), and hay fever.

I was a little disappointed, however. Here I had always learned that Strep was this horrible thing. Don't get me wrong: the sore throat sucked balls. But I didn't have to go into quarantine or anything. There wasn't a lot of swelling or anything. Just a sore ass throat and ears that popped and hurt eventually. It was bad enough that I had to go to the doctor, though. I was hoping that I'd get something akin to the sponge treatment. However, I thought about it, and I decided I really didn't want to wash a car, the floor, some hairy bald guy's back in the shower, some feet, and then get wrung back out. I just wanted the lollipop at the end.

Sadly, I didn't get that, either. Just a five day routine of azithromycin (pardon the lack of stereochemistry and the misspelling of lactone). The doctor also told me to get plenty of sleep, and I was like, "But doc...I just bought Civilization III!" Despite this, I am glad to report that I am one healthy big man. This is great news, because it means I can get back to work writing and such without so much self-pity. I'm also glad to report that I'm healthy enough to lay on the couch for days at a time and watch plenty of basketball. Sadly, I'm also healthy enough AND the weather is nice enough that I will have to start taking care of all those projects I've put off because I've been "sick" or "recovering" or "it's winter" or "I'm lazy, leave me alone." Whee.

As for the girl...I looked up "spongebob doctor" and got her on the front page. I felt she was just the sort of thing I needed to spice this joint up. God bless the internet.