Remember last week when I asked, nay, begged for fashion advice for my friend who was going on the blind date with someone who apparently should be titled a "Culinary Wasteland"? Remember how a lot of you talked about how she should wear the right shoes, and then one of you went and made a whole new blogpost about this, rife with comments and not one but two snazzy surveys? Twelve shades of awesome, that. 
Anyway, remember what a lot of you were discussing? The fuck-me boots? Yeah, I see that spark of recollection in your eyes. Naughty, naughty. And by "naughty naughty" I mean "The doors at Casa del Jenks are always open for you!"
Also, remember way back when I talked about my anniversary? How I bought my wife a gift card to the shoe store because it's something she'd like? And how awesome I am for getting her something practical, rather than the traditional "bronze and pottery" gift (or better, Bronze Age pottery)?
And, did you guys know my wife reads my blog? Faithfully? And, better yet, she reads the comments that you people make? Oh, I can tell by the look of fear and worry in your eyes that you didn't know that. Hey, it's okay, though. Nothing to fear. If anything had happened, I'd be up in Naperville now, driving up and down the road in a John Deere Green car trying to get someone's attention.
Daydreams and blogcentric fantasies aside, the other day my wife took the kids to school and hung out in Raleigh for the day. Ever the savvy one, she took her gift cards with her and she found just what she was looking for. Making the purchase, she came home and left her booty (heh) on the dining room table. Later, she had to go to work or something like that, and she was like, "Oh hey, I used your gift card today. I left my purchase on the table!" as she was ducking out the front door. I waved good-bye and everything and then went to see what she had picked up.
There, on the table, still in the box resting in the bag, was, you guessed it, a pair of fuck-me boots.
Awww.
Fucking.
Yeah.
Now...if you'll excuse me, I've got to go limber up.
6 hours ago
18 comments:
You people and your spouses.
hey! NAPERVILLE?! Where's that?! :D
I am so happy for both of you... every woman needs a hot pair of fuckme-boots! Woohoooo Mrs. mJenks! Ow! Ow!
[Lmao @ Red... YEAH!!]
"Remember last week when I asked, nay, begged for fashion advice for my friend who was going on the blind date with someone who apparently should be titled a "Culinary Wasteland"?"
Yes, yes I do.
"Remember how a lot of you talked about how she should wear the right shoes, and then one of you went and made a whole new blogpost about this, rife with comments and not one but two snazzy surveys?"
Yes.
"Anyway, remember what a lot of you were discussing? The fuck-me boots?"
Oh, Yes.
I so can't wait for the follow-up post.
Ok, first things first.
That pic you posted showcasing some boots - that is Serena from Gossip Girl. How do I know this? I saw those grey boots on her and liked so much, I bought a pair in chocolate :)
Congrats on the Fuck Me Boots - reminds me that I need to find a pair in black.
Oh, and hello Wife!
Did they fit you? Heeeeee
@ Red: I'm sorry, did you say something? I was up too late last night having sex and now I'm too tired to think.
@ MelO: By Poobomber's rules, I'd rename it "Stalksville".
@ Chemgeek: I'm sure you meant "ho, ho, wait...yeah, feel free to not update this story any further".
@ Poo: Yes, hit right below the knees, so that I look ab-fab with my black fishnets.
@ Lydia: Uh, okay. I think I remember seeing that name attached to the picture in some capacity whilst I was stealing it off the internet.
this post was hot until you mentioned how good the boots looked on you. Sick fucker.
Naperville is just south of Intercourse,PA. I believe. or maybe I am thinking of Oral, Nebraska.
No, no...Intercourse is just up the road from Blue Balls.
Naperville is just south of Beating Off in the Bushes, Wisconsin.
Well MJ, I hope you don't leave it at this. We need some photos of the bruises you undoubtedly accumulated.
Also, to Mrs. Mjenks - good choice at marrying a chemist type guy - I bet he knows his alkalines if you know what I mean. *wink wink nudge nudge*
(Cause I have no idea.)
OMG - did a man actually listen to something a bunch of women said? I think I just saw a pig fly by. Next thing ya know mjenks be asking for directions and cleaning the toliet. What has this world come to?
Ahhh, behold the power of the internets. Gettin' people laid since well, whenever the internets started. Guess Poob will believe me next time.
Speaking of the internets, go look at the box, find the name of the maker and style, google that information and post a picture. Thanks!
Oh yes, the FMB's. I remember them well. although, I am a bigger fan of the FMP's (F*ck me pumps). Unfortunately, I no longer get to wear them to work. School's frown on the 7th grade teachers who look like they just walk out of a David Lee Roth video.
Tell Ms. Jenks ~ good job!! He'll be putty in your hands :-)
Yeah, I found out that the boyfriend has my on his RSS feed. That worries me a little.
ok ok ok...
all kidding aside.
the boots were for her right? for HER?
not you...right? please tell me they were for her!
Wow!! Good job Matt!
Anytime dude, that's what we're here for, to help a brother out.
Now if you can get her to dress up like the school girl in the photo, you two can play a nasty game of school, then you can cross that off your fantasy list. (if you haven't already,you little minx) Don't forget about the ruler, it's an important accessory.
I may have to apply this to my blog and see how The Girl responds. I'll see how I can work in Catholic School Girl outfits or Wonder Woman costumes in a subtle way.
@ Poo: Fine. You and Chemgeek want photographic updates, you'll get everything you've asked for AND more. Remember, you made me do this...
@ H: See, here's the thing, H...I'm not married to all of you, so I'm still quite capable (and willing) to listen to your advice.
@ Gwen: I'll see what I can do, Gwen. I make no promises, mostly because I'm sure I'll get distracted by something on the internet while trying to fulfill the request.
@ Lisa: Apparently, you've forgotten how these things work. It's quite the opposite of "putty" when it's in her hand.
@ Noel: Just do what I do: only talk about him glowingly, and compliment him as much as possible whenever his name comes up.
@ E: Oh no, they're for me. They're definitely for me. Maybe not to wear, but they're for me. Or maybe the British guy who works with her and is curious as to whether she owns a bar wench outfit.
@ Jess: Thanks. Couldn't have done it without you. *thumbs up!*
@ Candy: I'm going to plead the fifth here about that whole school girl fantasy thing. Just for reference, dirty secretary glasses may or may not also be an important accessory.
@ McGone: Yeah, this did turn up roses for me, didn't it? I suggest every pervert...er...person who reads my blog should try the same.
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