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Inspirational Reads

Table for Homina?

November 6, 2008

I was standing at Target the other day, and I had that ethical dilemma of "do I stare at the woman in front of me while she purchases her many items, or should I cast my eyes around the store in an attempt to look like I'm not staring daggers at her for arguing over the price of a see-through plastic tote?". I decided to do the latter--in between telling my children they could not have a piece of candy, because, hey, Halloween is in a few days--when my eyes should fall upon the following:
After pushing my goggling eyes back into my head, rolling my tongue back up and putting it in my mouth, and taking a hit off my asthma inhaler to try and curb the panting, I wondered, "Who is Amy Adams?" Not wanting to waste my lustful exuberance, which I had previously reserved for Tiffani, the dark-haired beauty running the check out, I did not pick the magazine up to thumb through it in a quest to sate my libidinous curiosity. Instead, much like if I wanted to find out information about Ron Paul or That Blue Yak, I googled my query. The innernets did not let me down.

Instead, quickly, they caused me to sit in my chair (I had to sit down because the blood rushed elsewhere) and utter "homina homina homina homina..." over and over again. I discovered that Amy Adams was the woman who played the real life princess in Enchanted, and I also quickly rued the fact that I had not taken my daughter to see it when it was on the big screen, thus depriving myself of twenty-foot tall slabs of pure sex appeal and gorgeousness. I mean, here is a woman with red hair, shapely hips, beautiful eyes, gorgeous voice and big, round luscious breasts, and I didn't know about her??? Moreover, you sonsabitches didn't tell me about her. Curse you all. Douche bags.

This has caused a bit of friction at home. I asked my wife--yet another red head with shapely hips, beautiful eyes and big, round luscious breasts--to sing True Love's Kiss rather than our normal sexalicious song, The Theme from Shaft (can you dig it?). While not amused, she accommodated me because she's just that awesome. I mean, it was bad enough when I told her we needed a bigger bed so that Leelee wouldn't be upset by being relegated to the couch. Now this. The Mrs, however, took it all in stride. What a trooper. Unlike Leelee, who went out and tried to make me jealous right away by being pictured with other fellaz. I guess that whole woman scorned thing has a merit of truth to it, eh?

Oh well. Now that we're all done worrying about red states and blue states, we can get back to the real important things: women with red hair. I think both sides of the aisle can appreciate that that is truly change we can all believe in.


Dr Zibbs said...

I saw this picture on the magazine rack at the library and had to pick it up to look at the other pictures of her. She is stunning.

Poobomber said...

Your taste in redheads is exquisite, sir.

I thought she was Nicole Kidman at a glance, but this young lady is poised to take the mantle of gingers who will rule the world for the next 20 years.

Am I even making sense? I don't think so. Effing gingers.

Gwen said...

She is smoking hot and I love hominy.

McGone said...

She won the prestigious "The IHoB's Top 10 Favorite Redheads That Aren't The Girl (Because Including Her Just Wouldn't Be Fair To All The Other Redheads)" contest from this past St. Patrick's Day. I'm really surprised that didn't get mentioned in the Vanity Fair article. Probably edited for length.

And considering half the blogosphere seems to be redheads, this could get heated up in here today.

Falwless said...

Yes, she is smoking hot! Rent Junebug some time. It's set right outside of Winston Salem and they actually filmed it here!

She's a really, really good actress. Really good.

Ashley said...

hahaha, where did that article about men looking at women's breasts=health come from?? I have no comment...

Amy Adams is not only beautiful, she's a talented actress. If I were a boy, I'd totally go for red heads, no lie.

dg said...

How could you not know about Amy Adams? Hasn't your daughter requested to see Enchanted? AA is absolutely darling in Enchanted, and has a delicious singing voice.

BeckEye said...

I think Amy Adams, Jenna Fischer, and Kristin Wiig are all related somehow. They must be. Kind of like Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry.

Will Shannon said...

If humankind could harness the power of your libidinous urges for the red-haired, our energy problems would be over.

It might involve engineering or physics grad students poking at you for a time, but I'm sure the trial subjects would be well worth it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Saucy red heads eh? I like it. I highly reccommend Enchanted for both you and your daughter. Delightful is the word that comes to mind. If you're an Amy Adams fan you will enjoy it for what it is: fluff and fantasy and eye candy for everyone!
(the Mrs. will certianly enjoy 2 hours with McDreamy) Fun for the whole family!!

And- can you stop by my blog today? I am also nominating you for your comment on my blurb about that zany Mel Gibson. Classic.

LYDIA said...

Enchanted - yeah I guess you could watch it. I loved Amy Adams in Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day - she is BEAUTIFUL! I talked my husband into watching Miss Pettigew, which is more than I can say for Enchanted.

david wells said...

do you watch The Office. She was on a few episodes in season 2. She is hot and talented. her and jenna Fisher on the same screen....I almost had to pleasure myself. Almost.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

"She is hot and talented. her and jenna Fisher on the same screen....I almost had to pleasure myself. Almost."

And that, my friends, is how you enter a ringing endorsement for the attractiveness of a person.

Say good night, Gracie.

Mel O said...


How did I not see this post until now?! You know how I love hearing about men who love redheads!!

I LOVE AMY ADAMS!! Love love love her! AND I actually just saw that Junebug movie Falwless is talking about... it's super cute.

Now you understand why I sing this while cleaning :)