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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Non-Phoenecian Lesson, Vol. XXVI

May 29, 2009

Despite how it might appear on the surface, not everything around Casa del Jenks is as harmonious and wonderful as you might imagine. "But Indefatigable One, how can this be?" you might ask. Well, it's true. Despite the fact that my wife has red hair and large cans, occasionally we don't see eye-to-eye. I know, I know...calm yourselves. Even I have moments where small annoyances build up and I might raise my voice a touch.

I once had someone tell me that, sometimes, girls like to pick fights just to induce some make-up sex later. This came as a revelation to me, because up to that point in my life, television and all the women affecting my outlook on reality (read: my aunts and my mother) had pretty much told me that women don't like the sex, they just put up with it in order to keep the species alive. I have since been re-educated.

I thought that, for the Latin lesson this week, I'd work in a little of both of the above scenarios: the fighting and the making up, all in one! You see, around the Jenks household, Latin isn't just a dead language, it's a method of foreplay. Not so much on the pillow talk, as it's difficult to remember the subjunctive conjugations while you are trying to catch your breath and your ears are ringing.

Being that I'm here to help my readership, especially the ladies, here is a phrase you can use the next time you look to make the transition from picking a fight to wanting the make-up sex:

"Aut futue, aut pugnemus!"


Pronounced: "Out foo-too-aye, out poog-nay-moos!"

Translation in the hovertext.


A little note on usage. A couple of weeks ago, I told you about how "to fuck" implies the act of penetration rather than being penetrated. In Ancient Rome, they used the word "fuck" to convey a meaning similar to our meaning for "make love"; "to fuck" implied a loving act between two consenting adults.

21 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

I spar in karate with guys. No chicks are enrolled in the class.

This probably explains why my ass is killing me.

Nej said...

Mental note: Red hair and large cans usually keeps mjenks in line.

Eric said...

LOL, where oh where can I enroll in a class with hot red-headed Latin speaking karate girls?

Sass said...

I have nothing to add...yet feel compelled to comment.

Don't you DARE say I'm acting like a typical female.

I'll not be memorizing this line, mjenks...I'll send you a few I'd like you to translate for me.

Cowguy said...

With the exception of the lovely Sal, ('cause as you know, she's perfect) around here all you're gonna see is crispy bleached hair, a "born to ride" tattoo, smallish cans with their tiny little can lives implicated by a wonder bra and/or rubber enhancements, a wad of Skoal in their bottom lip and the smell of burnt rubber emanating from their "being".

You'd be wise to take the beating and hope death comes. I don't think Latin is gonna help unless you can interject "huh huh huh" between every 3rd word.

Nikki said...

I'm going to say that all night tonight and see if anyone speaks Latin. It could get me in trouble but it will be fun too!

coolred38 said...

For some of us anti men women (just got out of 20 year crappy marriage)...I would rather stick to kicking ass...other horizontal sports can come later...when my mood is a little more (less) dangerous.

LiLu said...

I've been debating going red for years.

This may have tipped me over the edge.

red said...

You married people with your awesome sex lives can suck it!

Soda and Candy said...

awwww. so romantic.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I'm with Coolred, I'd rather fuck somebody up than fuck them lately.

Jess said...

So I guess I'm confused...does this mean that a certain coworker wants to "penetrate" or "make love" to everything in our lab, office, his boss, etc?

Frank said...

Is there a way to change the phrase so it says "Either fuck me or let's fuck"? I'm not much of a fighter.

Joel D. Timm said...

I was actually expecting some more backlash from this post. I mean one can only push the red hair and large cans statements so far before some sort of effort is brought upon the man to keep him in line.

At least my comments have always come at a price, why should Jenks here get away with murder?

Cora said...

You bloggy boys all love your redheads, dontcha? And I love you fellas for it! God bless you!

Soda and Candy said...

Joel - mJenks is deeply committed to the large cans in question, so that makes it okay.

Mr. Condescending said...

what's latin for "I wanna bang your brains out"

huh jenks, tell us that one!!!

Susan said...

I think both at the same time would top it all.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I'm a lover, not a fighter. Not that I'm a very good lover. It's just that I'd rather not give anyone the opportunity to actually fight me. Scarry.

Del-V said...

Latin really is the language of love.

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