Friday Morning Non-Phoenecian Lesson, Vol. XXVI

Despite how it might appear on the surface, not everything around Casa del Jenks is as harmonious and wonderful as you might imagine. "But Indefatigable One, how can this be?" you might ask. Well, it's true. Despite the fact that my wife has red hair and large cans, occasionally we don't see eye-to-eye. I know, I know...calm yourselves. Even I have moments where small annoyances build up and I might raise my voice a touch.

I once had someone tell me that, sometimes, girls like to pick fights just to induce some make-up sex later. This came as a revelation to me, because up to that point in my life, television and all the women affecting my outlook on reality (read: my aunts and my mother) had pretty much told me that women don't like the sex, they just put up with it in order to keep the species alive. I have since been re-educated.

I thought that, for the Latin lesson this week, I'd work in a little of both of the above scenarios: the fighting and the making up, all in one! You see, around the Jenks household, Latin isn't just a dead language, it's a method of foreplay. Not so much on the pillow talk, as it's difficult to remember the subjunctive conjugations while you are trying to catch your breath and your ears are ringing.

Being that I'm here to help my readership, especially the ladies, here is a phrase you can use the next time you look to make the transition from picking a fight to wanting the make-up sex:

"Aut futue, aut pugnemus!"

Pronounced: "Out foo-too-aye, out poog-nay-moos!"

Translation in the hovertext.

A little note on usage. A couple of weeks ago, I told you about how "to fuck" implies the act of penetration rather than being penetrated. In Ancient Rome, they used the word "fuck" to convey a meaning similar to our meaning for "make love"; "to fuck" implied a loving act between two consenting adults.