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Happy Rose of Lima Day!!!

August 23, 2010

Today we venerate the first Catholic saint in the New World, Rose of Lima. Rose was born in Lima, Peru, under the clever guise of Isabel Flores de Olivia. Her father was a Harquebusier, which is a kind of Spanish cavalryman, and her mother was a native of Lima.

She earned the nickname "Rosa" as a child when her babysitter swore that she had seen little Isabel's face turn into a rose.

*puts thumb in mouth, cups an invisible bottle, takes a few swigs*

As she grew older, she made it a practice to fast three times a week in the manner of Saint Catherine of Siena--because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It's at this point that we learn that Rose was a bit full of herself. When someone admired her, she cut off all her hair, sang a doleful song about unrequited love, and then tore a picture of the Pope in half. Because she was so beautiful, she disfigured her face with pepper and lye, hoping to help others with her self-imposed ugliness.

...

Really?

Not only was she too beautiful for the rest of us to look upon, but she also was a petulant little snit. In opposition of her parents' wishes to marry, she decided to take a vow of virginity. Way to show them! The "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" attitude and the fucked-up face probably had nothing to do with that whole virginity thing.

Eventually, she also became too good to eat meat. Her daily fasting led to her giving up her carnivorous habits. But, take heart, people, she still did a lot of good. Her embroidery was so beautiful that she was able to help support her household by selling it. She also grew beautiful flowers that she would also sell. In the meantime, she built her own personal grotto, where she could spend the nights praying and contemplating the Blessed Sacrament. Eventually, she would only leave the grotto to come out and take Communion. Finally, she entered a convent, took the lifetime vow of chastity (insert sarcastic "no" here) and then prophesied her own death. On August 24th, 1617, Rose did indeed die as she had promised at the ripe old age of 31.

Her symbols are the rose, the anchor, and the baby Jesus. Rose is the Patron Saint of Embroiderers, Gardeners, and Florists and is invoked--somewhat ironically--against vanity. She is also the Patron Saint of Peru, the Peruvian Police Force, Latin America, native peoples of the Americas, India, California (*stifles laughter*) and those nasty, flat green beans you get in mixed vegetables.

So let's offer a little something up to Rose of Lima today, because even self-righteous ugly chicks need love too.

22 comments:

Sully said...

I'll have a steak in her honour..

side note, it's also national spongecake day.

MJenks said...

If that's the case, then Twinkie me!

Amber said...

I seriously need to learn to embroider because I'm broke as a joke right now and the student loan people will not leave me alone. I keep not answering their phone calls yet they persist. You'd think they could take a hint. Wonder how much a piece of embroidered fabric goes for these days. It's gotta be at least 20 or 30 thousand dollars, don't you think?

The Invisible Seductress said...

Dammit, now I can't get past the thoughts of a Twinkie...And I had something really profound to add...


Ho Ho me

MJenks said...

@ Amber: First, you need to smear your face with caustic powder and...spicy condiments. Then we can talk about how much your embroidering is worth.

I'm going to guess, at least, $50,000. Stuff's more expensive out in the west, right?

@ Invisible Seductress: Here you go: Consider yourself Ho-Ho'd

MJenks said...

Or, apparently, DON'T consider yourself Ho-ho'd. *sigh*

Try this instead.

DEZMOND said...

hey, what do you have against us non-carnivorous creatures????

But I do support tearing Pope's pictures in half :)

Del-V said...

Adriana Lima Day? No. Then I'm not interested

MJenks said...

@ Dezmond: It's just...I really like cheeseburgers is all.

@ Del-V: Ah, crap! She would have been a PERFECT picture to put in here. *facepalm*

MJenks said...

There. Fixed.

BeckEye said...

Ooooh, got here in time for Adriana.

DEZMOND said...

forgot to mention that Adriana Lima is married to our Serbian basketball player Marko Jaric :) So, she is now kinda ours as well, not just Brazilian.

Pearl said...

Once again, I fail to get out my "Happy Rose of Lima" day cards.

I wonder how many saints were actually schizophrenic?

Just a thought. :-)

Pearl

Wynn said...

Maybe I should try that. So people can love me for my inner beauty and not this redheaded bliss of looks. You know, because people always treat me differently because I'm pretty......

Lisa-tastrophies said...

And what did she do that was so holy she received sainthood? Oh, that's right, she was good looking. Yep, nothing sanctimonious about that. Now when do we begin having Saint Lisatastrophie Day?

Del-V said...

Thanks for the update. That means lot to me.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

poor thing....oh to be so ugly. It's a curse, really.

Scope said...

Isn't every day "Saint Lisatastrophie Day"?

And I totally stole "Totally Blowing Sh!t Up Tuesday" today.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

I am SO far behind on your posts that I don't even know where to start.

So, I'm just popping my head in to say hellospice.

Georgie Girl said...

Really thankful you are not on the canonization committeee. :)

Stephanie Ann said...

Why is it that all of the saints always seem to be nutbags? Maybe I can get myself canonized as the patron saint of buttsex and hamburgers. Now that would be nice!

Has anybody other than me noticed that the Happy Ho Ho guy is dressed like a pimp? Just wondering.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

@Scope: Why yes, everyday is Saint Lisatastrophie Day in my little corner of the world. Problem is that the corner really, really is little. :-)