Happy Rose of Lima Day!!!

Today we venerate the first Catholic saint in the New World, Rose of Lima. Rose was born in Lima, Peru, under the clever guise of Isabel Flores de Olivia. Her father was a Harquebusier, which is a kind of Spanish cavalryman, and her mother was a native of Lima.

She earned the nickname "Rosa" as a child when her babysitter swore that she had seen little Isabel's face turn into a rose.

*puts thumb in mouth, cups an invisible bottle, takes a few swigs*

As she grew older, she made it a practice to fast three times a week in the manner of Saint Catherine of Siena--because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It's at this point that we learn that Rose was a bit full of herself. When someone admired her, she cut off all her hair, sang a doleful song about unrequited love, and then tore a picture of the Pope in half. Because she was so beautiful, she disfigured her face with pepper and lye, hoping to help others with her self-imposed ugliness.

...

Really?

Not only was she too beautiful for the rest of us to look upon, but she also was a petulant little snit. In opposition of her parents' wishes to marry, she decided to take a vow of virginity. Way to show them! The "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" attitude and the fucked-up face probably had nothing to do with that whole virginity thing.

Eventually, she also became too good to eat meat. Her daily fasting led to her giving up her carnivorous habits. But, take heart, people, she still did a lot of good. Her embroidery was so beautiful that she was able to help support her household by selling it. She also grew beautiful flowers that she would also sell. In the meantime, she built her own personal grotto, where she could spend the nights praying and contemplating the Blessed Sacrament. Eventually, she would only leave the grotto to come out and take Communion. Finally, she entered a convent, took the lifetime vow of chastity (insert sarcastic "no" here) and then prophesied her own death. On August 24th, 1617, Rose did indeed die as she had promised at the ripe old age of 31.

Her symbols are the rose, the anchor, and the baby Jesus. Rose is the Patron Saint of Embroiderers, Gardeners, and Florists and is invoked--somewhat ironically--against vanity. She is also the Patron Saint of Peru, the Peruvian Police Force, Latin America, native peoples of the Americas, India, California (*stifles laughter*) and those nasty, flat green beans you get in mixed vegetables.

So let's offer a little something up to Rose of Lima today, because even self-righteous ugly chicks need love too.