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Inspirational Reads

One of Those Days

August 25, 2010

Ever have one of those days? Of course you have. Granted, you'd be hard pressed to define what "those" meant, but you know what I'm talking about.

I'm smack in the middle of one, which is why I'm sitting down to eat my lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon. Actually, it started yesterday. Now I'm just slapping that thigh and riding the wave.

Yesterday, while in the midst of purifying my compounds, the HPLC I was using decided to reset itself. This annoyed me only slightly (slightly as in I was simply telling it to go to hell, as opposed to coarser, more physically impossible curses). I reset everything, decided that my compound wasn't completely lost...yet...and so I started it back up. The machine injected my sample and, once again, shut down.

It was at this point, while I was telling the machine to fuck itself, that an angry cloud actually appeared over my head as I grumbled and left. The joys of lab life. This was only a little bit after I burnt my thumb on some steam from my lunch (which, truth be told, wasn't worth getting burned over).

I coasted through the remainder of the afternoon, my anger waning. As I got home, I decided to rest for a moment or two before dinner. I laid my pretty little head down at 5:15, thinking I'd start making dinner in fifteen minutes. A moment later, it was 6:30 and I was panicking because there wasn't enough time to cook, eat, and get the kids in bed at the appropriate time.

I dashed downstairs and asked what they wanted for dinner. My daughter said Mexican; I said good enough, off to Taco Bell we went. I tried to hide the evidence, but the ass concerto that I serenaded my wife with last night gave me away. That, and I totally confessed when she crawled into bed beside me.

This morning, when I got up, I realized we were out of coffee. THAT should have told me how the day would be going. I get to work, pour the stuff that they offer here down my throat, and dash off to my meeting. During the meeting, the coffee runs its coarse, so that by the meeting's end, I gotta toss a major whiz. I make it back to the lab, do some stuff to allow the bathrooms to clear out (they're always packed right after a meeting like that) and then proceed to go and take care of my business.

Only problem is...while I'm standing in front of the urinal...I find it difficult to snake my dick out of my underwear to commence with the pissing. What the hell? Did I shrink? NOOOOOO!!!!

Finally, I was able to unleash my horror upon the urinal. I tucked myself back in and went about my business of preparing for my next meeting. I get a few tasks done and then the coffee and last night's Taco Bell run their course, and I realize I've got to go for a sit-down in the restroom. No problem. I go down, my favorite stall is free, so I drop trou, sit down, and begin to relieve myself.

That's when I look down at my pants and underwear wrapped around my ankles.

I am wearing my underwear inside out.

So, no. No shrinkage. No pencil dick. No turtling.

Just an idiot who can't dress himself.


DEZMOND said...

OMG, lady MJ must melt with romance when you start your ass concerto.

Please tell me that the world is still safe with you in a lab with all the chemicals around while you are having a bad day????

I wonder what would it be like having a real farting bird standing in a cage in your home?

There's something weird in having your favourite stall in the restroom, but let's not go there ... :)

Bev said...


Oh well, at least you remembered to wear underwear at all! Besides, you haven't lived until you've worn a thong the wrong way all day without noticing. ;)

Hope your day improves!

Wynn said...

I once went to work, having forgotten to put on a bra that morning. I had to spend the entire eight hours of work trying to dodge people's looks (because ya know, I wouldn't want them to just randomly look at me and see the nipplage going on, mortifying) and keeping my arms crossed over my chest at the breaks. Sigh.

Adam L. said...

I would completely agree with the "one of those day/weeks/months/graduate careers" if it weren't for the fact that I know how to put my underwear on correctly.

Kidding! ... :-/

Seriously though, I think that August is just an awful month for scientific research and that life will get better once September rolls around.

Hope the HPLC gods look on you with favor from now on!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Oh those Blue footed Boobies, the best of the boobies in my opinion.. And REALLY.... I can't stop laughing now...You crack me up!!

SkylersDad said...

That right there is why I don't wear underwear. I don't need the time waste of decompressing my diver by passing him through the chamber trying to haul him out for a pee.

Anonymous said...


Scope said...

DEPENDS - Saves time and energy.

kate said...

That's like the day that I realized that I was wearing BRIGHT-ASS hot pink underwear under my white (somewhat see-through) pants at work...and I came to this realization around the end of my nine hour shift. Awesome.

Elliott said...

Strangely, I just did this a few weeks back, and couldn't figure out all day why something felt out of place.

Stephanie Ann said...

Oh you're still okay. I actually managed to put a bra on inside out once. Explain that one! And that little angry cloud, I'm guessing, has descended upon several bloggers this week because it's happened to a friend of mine and definitely to me as well!