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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol LXXXIII

August 27, 2010

I've been letting my hair grow out for a while now. This year, I think, instead of going door-to-door around the neighborhood, we're going to go to a Halloween party. My wife has cooked up a notion to have a themed set of costumes for all of us. Because I'm a fun-loving guy who will do almost anything to please his children, I've decided to join in.

The theme is Bleach characters, the anime series I told you all about a while ago. My son wants to be Ichigo, my daughter--instead of being Rukia--wants to be Lieutenant Yachiru, mostly because of the pink hair. My wife is going to be Rangiku...but, maybe just not so...Rangiku, if you know what I'm saying.

Me? I'm going to be the best damned fat Kisuke Urahara you can find! I mean, he gets to wear that hat and carry a cane? Sign me up. The fact that he bears a resemblance to Kurt Cobain is awesome enough, but he's kind of a scheming, behind-the-scenes badass, too. Plus, the hat.

Anyway, for that reason alone, I've been growing my hair out. It's longer than it's been at almost any point in my life that I can remember. Growing up, my mother threatened me with physical violence along with forceful shaving of the head if I dared to grow my hair out longer than she deemed appropriate. Though I'm sure she would still threaten me, I long ago learned that her threats were as hollow as Tara Reid's skull. So, here we are, a head full of hair that's gotten to Shaggy proportions (both the noun and the adjective). I should easily have the locks to pull off the Urahara look by Halloween.

Now if I could just lose 75 pounds...

Fortunately, I have a fine head of hair. I may have a little bit of recession going on above my temples, but other than that, I'm good. Solid head of hair, nice and full. Not that I'd have a problem if I was going bald; I'd fully embrace it. It's just...well, I'm just glad I'm not bald and trying to grow my hair out. For one, I'd be better off going the Ikkaku route. For two, there's no fucking way I'm ever wearing a skullet.

You know what a skullet is, right? It's the bastard child of male pattern baldness and a mullet. Bald may be beautiful, and you may have business in the front and a party in the back, but that doesn't mean that there a baldly beautiful party will be springing forth at any moment from you, Mr. Skullet Man.

And really...ugh...I think the best way to say it is in Latin:

Calvo turpius est nihil comato longo.

Pronounced: "Call-wo toor-pee-oose est nee-heel coh-mah-to lohn-goh."

*shudder* Translation. Hovertext. Going to wash my eyes out with

If you have a skullet...well, I guess you won't be reading here anymore. If you're simply balding and thinking of going through a midlife crisis, do us all a favor and don't, okay? Just buy a sports car and bang a stupid college chick. Friends don't let friends grow skullets.

It might not be a happy coincidence that Urahara looks like Cobain. One rumor floating around as to why Tite Kubo, the author and artist of the Bleach manga, named his work "Bleach" was because he loved the Nirvana album by the same name. And, well, I have to agree. Bleach (the album) is pretty fucking spectacular.

However, this probably isn't the real reason why Tite Kubo chose the name "Bleach" for his work. It probably has more to do with how the shinigami "purify" the souls of the Hollows, like how we reference bleaching something as making it cleaner or more pure. The other reason is probably because the main character, Kurosaki Ichigo, has orange hair.

Still, I'm going to lie to myself and make the Nirvana connection, because it makes me happy.

Only a few days to go until college football season kicks off! Unless you're like me and have to wait and extra week before the first game. *grumbles*


MJenks said...

Interestingly enough, the moment I pushed "publish", one of my friends stuck his head in the office here and noted that my hair was getting long. This quickly devolved into a discussion as to whether he (my friend) should grow a skullet.

Five minutes later, someone else walked through, and they noted my hair was getting long.

She, however, would look a lot worse with a skullet.

Bev said...

Ah yes, the Gallagher look. Not a man (or woman) alive can pull that off.

I've been brainstorming costume ideas for the family as well, but it's difficult when your son is fixated on being Iron Man or the last Airbender. Sigh.

Stephanie Ann said...

And here I was thinking the mullet was the worst hairdo ever. I had completely forgotten (or mentally blocked) the skullet.

So if your wife is going to be "not so Rangiku" does that mean she will be wearing a shirt that doesn't require nipple pasties to keep it in place?

The Invisible Seductress said...

I think I dated that guy,,, shudder.....

Adam L. said...

Are you going to give your boy a 6 ft long sword, or make it proportional?

Also, pretty sweet costume idea! With my luck, the (eventual) family will end up with either Star Wars or Last Airbender (which we just finished up last week) costumes in the future. Not too bad!

MJenks said...

@ Bev: Oh, what, you all don't want to wear red-and-yellow suits of armor around town on Halloween night? Psshaw.

@ Stephanie: Mullet = terrible; Skullet = Death by Firing Squad

I'm thinking she's planning on using these things called "buttons", which apparently haven't been invented in the Soul Society yet.

@ Invisible Seductress: You dated Urahara? God, you're awesome!

@ Adam: My wife works with a guy who makes a lot of cos-play costumes. He has a degree in art, and he does this stuff for fun, so he's going to make a Zangetsu appropriate for a 6-year-old.

We did Star Wars already, though I didn't dress up (there was an issue with my car that night). And we did sort of an accidental Wizard of Oz thing last year. There's still Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to go, I guess.

DEZMOND said...

Bleach will be made into a Hollywood movie if I remember correctly, you have a post on it somewhere over at my place :)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

There are so many things that disturb me about that photo. The tight jean shorts, the leg positioning, the Joker smile, he...flexing??

Hork. (spit. spit.) HORK.