My New Best Friend

You ever have someone do something for you that was so nice, it brought a tear to your eye? Or it caused some other involuntary visceral response in your physiology (that's a lot of big words deftly arranged as a euphemism for "sprout wood")? No? You never have? Man, sucks to be you.

Anyway, jet on over to Homebrew and Chemistry for a recap of Chemgeek's Thanksgiving Holiday (as a side note, prepare the empathy and sympathy train). Also, click the link for "euphoria". Awesome, isn't it?

When there was the chance that Brett Favre was going to play in Minnesota, I had pondered becoming BFFs with Chemgeek. However, his little buried shoutout and linky-loo with my name behind it cemented it.

So, new best friend, what's in the fridge? Mmmm...beer and pie. God bless America.

Pop-Culturally Pathetic

I just skimmed through this link I found on CNN about the Top 20 Pop Culture Hits people couldn't pay you to watch. First of all, I'm not on this list because if you're paying me, I'll sit and watch any piece of shit you feel the need to offer up. It doesn't have to be the green, either. I'm good with services, as well. If you feel the need to offer up boob shots in order to watch your show, I'm the guy to call.

Top 20 List

There are some fabulous quotations in here, too. The funniest would be the guy who refuses to the Passion of the Christ. His line: "I went to Catholic school. I already know how it ends."

But, there were a lot of pathetic people commenting on various shows or movies they would "never watch". Such as the person who refuses to watch the Lord of the Rings because it would be cheating on their beloved Harry Potter. Don't get me started there. Or the person who is proud of the fact that they've never watched a second of the Simpsons, aside from the Butterfinger commercials from a few years ago? I'm going to guess they don't get laid a lot, either. Fortunately, Homer has a solution for them.

Release the Mob

Get your pitchforks and torches ready, everyone. We're burning stuff again, and this time it has nothing to do with the Dixie Chicks nor France. Shocker, I know. Remember a few days ago when Stephenie Meyer produced her latest Buffy rip-off masterpiece book piece of crap, Breaking Dawn? Remember how everyone has fallen all over themselves, smacking their lips and breathing heavy into the phone over how great this was supposed to be?

Not so fast, chief. Seems as though the book is being returned in record numbers now. It's apparently caused some disgruntled fans to organize a book burning tour just to get rid of the piece of shit from their house. Well done. Well done.

All of this comes on the heels of the stories and articles about how this was so much different than Harry Potter, but I assume those people were talking about how it was better. I guess that it is better than Harry Potter in that Deathly Hallows did not cause people to want to get together and test that whole 451 Fahrenheit thing.

There's an enormous discussion at Amazon.com talking about returning the book rather than burning it, because if you burn it, Meyer still gets royalties off of the book. Frankly, I don't know if I like that, because rationality and commonsense are two things I don't look for in my angry mobs. I guess this is what you get when you crap a book out in six months. I understand it's one thing to try and satisfy your fans as soon as possible...if I had any...but I also understand putting an effort into making the book something you are proud of.

I think worst of all--at least from Meyer's standpoint--is that her fans are ready to abandon her. Even though there were a lot of disappointed fans after Deathly Hallows (myself and the comely and buxom Boudicca are in that camp), I don't remember a lot of people wanting to never read anything by J.K. Rowling ever again. So, I think I'm going to append that list I made a few months ago about what I never want to do when it comes to writing.

The Meyer Syndrome: Cranking out a book so horribly written and so poorly executed with such a weak plot that my readership wholeheartedly abandons not only the book and/or the series, but my writing altogether.

That ought to about do it. Now, I'm off to light some torches.

A Solution

So, I've been reading about these fires in Southern California. Did you know about them? Apparently, they've been on the news or something. Well, my friend, Jim lives out there. I get semi-regular updates through our grad school group blog. He says it's hot and smoky. Sounds like a good time to make some barbecue, Jim!

On a more serious note, these fires are pretty damned scary. I know I'd be shittin' and gittin' (ah, local colloquialisms) if the fires of Hell were licking at my doorsteps. That's why I'm putting forth this solution for the people of Southern California. Now, there's A LOT of people in Southern California. Millions, in case you haven't heard. There's also a lot of beer in Southern California. Yes, I think you see where I'm going with this.

Everybody in the area needs to gather together in one place...let's say the Coliseum. They need to get kegs and cases of beer and start drinking like there's no tomorrow...because, there might not be. The key here is to not have portable johns at the Coliseum. Instead, when that natural urge to release the alcohol back into the wild hits, everyone lines up and pisses on the fire. Oh sure, it will stink to high heaven, but what would you rather have? A little piss-on-the-fire stink or charred remains of everything you hold dear? I thought so.

So there you have it. Once again, Homer's words ring true: Ah, alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all the world's problems.