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Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. XIV

March 6, 2009

I'm kind of sick and I've had a long week. My wife came back last night and so I was once again allotted that eight inches on the side of the bed to cling to throughout the night. I woke up about every 20 minutes, partially because I'm sick, partially because I was hot, and partially because someone kept jabbing me in the ribs with her elbows. Other than that, how the hell are all of you?

With that in mind, let's get straight to the Latin lesson. I'm well aware that it's now after noon and therefore no longer Friday morning. If you don't like it, perite! Sorry, that was the Target-brand cough drops talking, not me. Please forgive me? I'll give you a hug.

Why are you running away?

Anyway, yesterday, Michael Jackson announced that he'd be going out on tour again. It's been twelve years since the King of Pop went on tour. Some people were excited. Me? I didn't realize he said a damned thing until I heard it on the radio this morning. Did you know that Guinness Book of World Records considers Jackson the most accomplished solo artist ever? Yeah, I just vomited in my mouth a little, too.

No, wait...that was the cough drops again.

Anyway, I thought I'd honor my fellow native Hoosier (if we're still counting Gary as part of Indiana? It is? Oh, okay, fine) with a little Latin lesson revolving around an unfortunate event from the 80s wherein Michael's geri-curl cream and a cascade of embers and sparks and the 21% of the atmosphere comprised of oxygen didn't mix so well. Billi Jean may not have been his lover, but the fire extinguisher sure as hell was. Pepsi execs thought the ad was hot, hot, hot! Who says Michael doesn't have a brilliant stage presence? Okay, okay...enough puns. Flaming pedophiles just aren't funny, they're also hilarious.

Mei capilli sunt flagrantes!


Pronounced: "May-ee cop-eel-ee soont flog-rahn-taze!"

Here's an image of the event. Apparently, Michael was unfazed by the flames burning upon his scalp. He must be a Pentecostal. Translation in the hovertext.

21 comments:

Jidai said...

It's still morning for 3/4 of the country. :)

I think I was like, 7 when I last cared about whatever the hell that man(?) was doing.

Gwen said...

And here I always thought Charo was the most accomplished solo artist ever. Huh. Thanks for straightening me out on that one.

Kimizzy said...

Yeah, get outta my head. I totally vomited in my mouth a little at that.

Chemgeek said...

I'm still trying to learn how to do the moonwalk. It's really hard.

Cora said...

I'll always feel a little bit cheated that he and Lisa Marie never had a child. Set aside the major ick factor for second and just ponder what that child of theirs would have been like.... Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Oh! And there's a hug for you on my blog. Thought you could use it. :-)

Sass said...

I'm so proud of myself. I figured it out WITHOUT THE PICTURE.

Yup.

'Cause I'm kinda effing brilliant.

Kinda.

TishTash said...

One Sunday when I was about 10, I made my way down the church aisle for the candle offering, and the lady behind me set my hair on fire. It's too bad I didn't learn this Friday Morning Latin Lesson by then, because "Mei capilli sunt flagrantes!" would've been a much more eloquent response than "AAAAHHH!"

Giggle Pixie said...

Speaking on behalf of the rest of us Hoosiers who still live in Indiana, I'd like to inform you that we prefer not to admit that Michael Jackson - or Gary, for that matter - have any connection to our state. :-)

Sassy Britches said...

I miss recognizable Michael.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Oh man! I had totally forgotten that the flaming pedophile had almost once gone up in flames. ANd I still think Coke is better.

Sorry to hear about the cold. But cheer up, the weekend is here just in time for you to spend the entire two days being sick then making a miraculous recovery Monday morning. (Do I sound a little bitter about a recent similar situation?)

coolred38 said...

I believe setting MJ's hair on fire was a conspiracy by Coca Cola...to get people to believe Pepsi was flammable and shouldnt be consumed....yup...I blame Coca Cola for all of MJ's failures...hes been down hill every since that incident.

Shupe said...

Holy shit- I needed that before I headed to bed! You slay me !!!

He's one man I still have NO appreciation for....King of Pop? King of pop it in the corn hole of some unsuspecting child!

as dear Robin Williams says
"to enter Never Never Land, You must be this high to ride Michael"

Cowguy said...

"He must be a Pentecostal."


Comedy gold right there. The rest of the post doesn't count.

Hap said...

I was never a big fan of his music, but he didn't suck (neither the Jackson Five or his early work was bad, and Thriller was revolutionary in its time, at least the video part. I sort of presume his upbringing didn't help, though, and he became a walking psychological trial made public - like Britney Spears or TO long before they were. Maybe he didn't figure going to therapy would help, or he was afraid that it would silence his muse (although she seems to have gone mute of her own free will).

Pepsi makes better diet drinks, but I always liked regular Coke better than regular Pepsi.

Scope said...

Gary is in "the Region" so like Hammond, it doesn't really count as Indiana.

But Chicago isn't Illinois, either.

Anna Russell said...

What's the Latin for "you had a couple of good albums 20-odd years ago and now you're a pedo freak and I hate you?"

Just checking so I can say it to him if I ever meet him and he won't understand a word of it and I'll say it with a smile on my face so he won't even realise it's an insult.

Susan said...

Wow, you're grumpy today, but hell, you've had a rough week. And I'm glad to know I"m not the only other person in the world hearing that Michael Jackson's going on tour again. My husband just stared at me in silence when I told him. Thanks for following through with Latin lesson even when your sick. You are quite dedidated.

Frank said...

If you guys get to disown Gary, then myself and others from Michigan should get to disown Detroit. Or at least Flint.

pistols at dawn said...

Such is the price of style. Or so I assume, because I'm amazingly unstylish, and I've never had this problem.

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

first time visiting your blog and this was a good laugh....I like alot of the rest really do not care what Mr. Jackson is doing now a days.....he was good in his time but his time has passed....so move on!!!

Nej said...

Most accomplished solo artist. (shaking my head) What has this world come to?