Happy Saint Joseph's Day!

Good Lord...how long has it been since I actually have written a saints post and not just linked into older ones? I don't know how long it's been, but Anthony of Padua is beginning to give me the eye.

Anyway, today is the Feast Day of Saint Joseph. You know him better as the earthly father of Jesus H Tap-Dancing Christ, our buddy savior and various other sweet epithets that really spice up a resume. Joseph, as you know, was a carpenter. As such, he was fond of nailing things...except for his wife, the ever-virgin Mary.

I've always thought Joseph must be history's most patient and forgiving man, because, honestly, can you imagine how that conversation went down?

Mary: Um, honey, great news. I'm pregnant.
Joseph: *spit take* Jesus Christ! What?
Mary: Exactly.
Joseph: No, I mean...how? You know how a baby gets in there, right?
Mary: Yes, Joe, I know how they get in there. I had fifth grade health class, you know. We sat in the back together and giggled.
Joseph: Then, you know...you've got some 'splainin' to do, woman.
Mary: Well, see, the midichlorians in my blood exuded an all powerful aura and from there the child was conceived.
Joseph: Don't give me that 'midichlorian' bullshit. Who's the father?
Mary: You're right. That story is completely unbelievable bullshit. The father is God.
Joseph: God??? You slept with Morgan Freeman? What's he like? Is he as nice in person as he seems?

As Joseph served as the earthly incarnation of a father for Jesus, many countries--especially those that have a highly Catholic population, like Spain, Portugal, Italy and Belgium--celebrate Father's Day on St. Joseph's Feast Day. The Feast of Saint Joseph, itself, is one in which the community seeks to help the poverty-stricken members. On many altars, along with food, there is a small dish for donations to help the poor, and the food collected on the altar is also distributed to those who need it most.

Due to Joseph's gentle, forgiving style, St. Joseph has been tabbed as the Patron Saint of fathers (naturally), expectant mothers (makes sense), against doubt (reasonable), married people (does that come with an "I Heart My Marriage" t-shirt?), unborn children (isn't that redundant?), house hunters (huh?) and people who fight Communism (what the hell?). Because of his chosen career, he is the Patron Saint of carpenters, craftsmen, cabinetmakers, wheelwrights, workers, confectioners (mmm...cake) and civil engineers. A whole host of places have adopted Saint Joseph as their Patron, including Croatia, Belgium, Canada, Sicily, San Jose, Mexico, Korea, the New World, Louisville, KY, Hartford, CT and Blueball, PA.

A tale comes from Sicily (where Saint Joseph is Patron Saint) of a drought that threatened the entire population. Everyone got together and prayed to Saint Joseph to break the drought. When the rains finally came, everyone was so thrilled that they celebrated by preparing a feast. On Sicily, the crop that saved everyone from starvation was the fava bean, which is why fava beans traditionally are eaten on the Feast Day of St. Joseph. No word on whether liver and chianti are also part of the celebratory meal.

My undergrad institution, St. Joseph's College, is obviously tied in with the patronage of St. Joseph. Traditionally on this day, the students at SJC will get up, think about going to class, stumble into a boring Core lecture, and spend the rest of the afternoon drinking and bitching about the cost of tuition followed by a hearty game of beat the shit out of Rich Gallo. No, wait, that last part was only for fire drills.

Not much is known about the actual life of Saint Joseph, except that he was a carpenter (or a woodworker of some sort) and loved bass fishing. He never speaks in the Gospels (probably because he kept muttering stuff under his breath about ever virginal) and it is not known where or when he died, but it is commonly accepted that he was dead before Jesus was crucified. Traditionally, Mary is shown as a widow at the time of Christ's death, and from there it was interpreted that Joseph had already shuffled off this mortal coil. Some traditions claim that he died in Nazareth, but no one is exactly sure. The Catholic tradition has him dying in the arms of Jesus and Mary, which would also imply in Nazareth, but no cause or ailment is mentioned.

If you happen to work with or sit next to or otherwise harass on a daily basis someone named Joe, make sure to wish them a Happy Saint Joseph's day. Also, you should probably drink an extra cup of coffee.