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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Volume XVII

March 27, 2009

Wow. Is it Friday already? My, how time flies when you're trying to purify a compound and every trick you use doesn't effing work. I love you, too, chemistry, you fickle bitch.

Anyway...we're here for some Latin, so I'm going to steer the S.S. Education away from the world of carbon-and-hydrogen bonds and make straight away toward the Sea of Dead Languages.

Ladies...I don't think any of you would doubt that you're hot. Let's face it. I've got quite the bevy of good-looking readers in the audience. Let's also face it: guys suck. We act on instinct, and that instinct is, if it's hot, you want to nail it. This leads to many awkward and lousy pick-up lines in bars, restaurants, cafes, parks, grocery stores, Touchdown it, some guy has probably approached you there with hopes of boning you later in the night.

Let's see a show of hands: how many of you fine, sexy ladies have wanted to eloquently and classically tell these guys where they can go? Ah, Sass, Gwen, Red...Boudicca? Well, I guess that covers Touchdown Jesus...Anyway, I'm here to provide a service to you, the fine women of the internet. Take this little phrase and tuck it under your hat for the next time some douchebag guy approaches you with some shit-tacular line and the gleam of hope in his eye that he'll be parting your thighs later that night.

"Si te futuas, gaudeam!"

Pronounced: "See tay foo-too-ahss, gow-day-om!"

Remember to hover the cursor over the picture for translation!

Next week: What happens when a teenie band grows up?


Sass said...

You are forever the public servant, aren't you mjenks? ;)

For this, I thank you.

Victoria Hufflepuff said...

I'm new to the whole blogging world, just got thrown into this yesterday.

Judging by what I've read so far, you blog is fantastic! I may start a blog, soon.

I have a feeling I have some adventures you'd love to read.

Girl Interrupted said...

Thanks, mjenks!

*Decides to practice*

"Say tay foo-too-ahss, gow-day-om!"

"Say tay foo-too-ahss, gow-day-om!"

I shall try it out this weekend and report back with the results

Sassy Britches said...

Always good to know you've got our backs, mjenks.

BeckEye said...

I actually like the English translation better than the Latin, so I think I'll start using that. Not even on guys who hit on me...just on random people I see on the street.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha, very useful.

I tend to just show my left hand to them, but if that doesn't work I'll have backup now!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Niiiice, unfortunately the guys that use "shit-tacular" pick up lines would somehow find the Latin translation creepily sexy.

I'm with Beckeye-I'm using your English version which effectively goes straight for the jugular.

Moooooog35 said...


I need to pull that down from my Flickr account now.


red said...

Excellent! This I will put to great use.

Gwen said...

You're assuming I don't want to be boned by a douchebag. ;)

Good luck with that compound!

coolred38 said...

Ok...raising hand with a question teacher.

Latin is a dead language...but the word f**k is not (didnt realize it was that damn old) which one of those latiny words means f**k...thats the only word that I wanna add to my already colorful dictionary... :)

TishTash said...

Those Latinos are such potty mouths.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Sass: I certainly am. I think my grandmother, who wanted me to be a teacher, would be so proud.

Or not.

@ Victoria Hufflepuff: Welcome to the blogging world. Just be careful not to badger anyone too badly. Heh.

@ Girl Interrupted: Wow. Yes, let us know how that works out. An actual application of the Latin lesson. Grandma Jane would be so proud.

Or not.

@ SassyBritches: Better than thinking about me having your fronts, I'll wager.

@ BeckEye: You do have to admit, the Latin translation does have a lovely sense of eloquence to it, doesn't it?

@ Soda and Candy: I would think that the left hand, with the middle finger extended, would be even more effective.

@ Candy: See, here's the thing. I'm hoping that the Latin line will distract them long enough for you fine ladies to punch them in the throats.

@ moooooog35: That's not you. He's not bald enough.

@ Red: I live but to serve.

@ Gwen: Yes, well, here we see a practical application of what happens when one assumes, don't we?

@ CoolRed38: In a couple of weeks, I'll show you guys how to properly handle this, but the infinitive form, to fuck, is futere "foo-tare-aye". The subject and form of the verb are all wrapped into one word, so "futuas" means "you should fuck" and "te" makes it reflexive, therefore implying the "you should fuck yourself" part. And, if I'm wrong, I'll get a lecture this evening from one more well vested in the Dead Language Arts than I. ;-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ TishTash: Can you blame them?

Anna Russell said...

I'm going to practice this next time I'm in a bar.

Wait... does it mean "no"? Hmmm. Maybe I'll just think it to myself instead.

words...words...words... said...

I so glad to see that my intense dislike of Brady Quinn is justified.

Cora said...

I seriously learn stuff here. Whaddaya know? I'm going to add that to my arsenal of fancy ways to say no.

Nej said...

Latin with a 'tude. Sweet!!!

Fancy Schmancy said...

I can't wait to try that line out on the next unsuspecting slacker at the grocery store!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

You do good things for the world, Sir. Many thanks to you.