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Inspirational Reads

The Time I Cheated

November 11, 2009

Let me tell you about the time I strayed from the path of the straight and narrow.

I was a sophomore in high school. In case you haven't noticed, I have this little thing about language. At the time, I was taking French II. Because I thought it would affect the rest of my life, I actually cared about my grades and such. This meant that I was a good student and I knew ma francais tres bien. Yes, I was an A student. I would have been a straight A student across the board, but I never really studied. I just memorized shit. I had an almost photographic memory. I never really worked to develop it, otherwise I could have ended up as a crime fighter who pretends he's psychic but really just notices everything at the scene of the crime. Plus, I didn't have an awesome sidekick.

I digress. I was like this from grade school on. In junior high, I was the same way: pay attention in class, memorize what the teacher was saying, maybe open the book and read it if I was bored, do my homework, ace the test. Pretend like it ain't no thang.

Despite this overly nerdy demeanor, I managed to make friends. Some of those friends were even of the female persuasion. One of them was Teryn Wehr (pronounced like "Tair-an Weer"). Terryn was awesome. She and I just sort of meshed, like our personalities played off one another well. Hmmm...perhaps I did have an awesome sidekick that I could use to help me solve crimes through the power of observation.

Oh did I mention that there was a little of When Harry Met Sally... going on? Yeah, in this case it was true. It's not so much that I developed amorous feelings for Teryn. No, I shot way past that and immersed myself in a tank of hormone-fueled lust. Much like the Betsy Hagar thing, I just desired her. It wasn't that Teryn was drop-dead gorgeous or that she had a body to die for. I think part of the attraction was that her personality played so well off mine. That, and she had fucking amazing thighs. I admired them often in social studies on the days that she would wear that gray skirt that rode up when she sat with one leg looped over the other and--What? Uh, Fifty-four forty or Fight! Whew. Dodged a bullet.

This will slide off into TMI territory for a moment. Remember that Guilt Journal I kept? The one wherein I would write pages-long confessions about the lustful feelings toward certain girls and the guilt that I felt after fantasizing about them during masturbation? Yes, well, I also kept a little running total in the front of the journal about whom I fantasized the most. Oh, come on now. This surprises you? Anyway, Teryn was far and away the most often discussed within the pages of those various tomes (I think I filled out three of them throughout my junior high and high school years) followed by Betsy Hagar and then it sort of tailed off. She was the greatest center of lust and guilt at that point in my life. Yes, I absolutely had a crush on her. However, since we were friends, I never acted on it. I never asked her out. I never confessed my feelings to her. I just silently lusted for her from the edges, playing out my fantasies by hand at night and afterward scrawling my guilt across the lined white sheets in my spiral bounds.

As far as I know, she never knew about how I felt. That is, of course, until she googles her own name. Hi, Teryn!

So, let's return to my French II class, shall we. Lo and behold, as luck would have it, during this particular nine week period, I was sitting next to Ms. Wehr for class. This afforded me the luxury of further studying her thighs on skirt days and it afforded her the luxury of copying off my papers during quizzes and tests. I believe that's called a symbiotic relationship.

Well, one day, as we were taking a test, my teacher had to do something in the office. So, she left us in the room quietly taking our tests. Except, I was done. As this was high school, I was forced to sit there during class. I think that I might have been reading The Lord of the Rings (again) during the down time after the quiz when I felt a pair of eyes upon me.

I looked over and there was Teryn, trying to see what I had written on my paper. This was when my dick started thinking and left my brain behind. Since the teacher was out of the room, I picked up the test sheet and handed it to Teryn. What? I figured that, if I let her copy from me, maybe she would repay me in a more carnal fashion. Makes perfect sense, right?

Well, apparently, someone saw me hand my paper to Teryn. Someone as in the entire class. I guess it shouldn't come as a big surprise when the teacher asked me to stay after class a couple of days later. And, frankly, I deserved any punishment I got. Instead of reading me the riot act or ripping me a new one, the teacher expressed how sad she was and wondered why I did it.

Being that I didn't feel like explaining to her the whole "We've been friends for a long time and I've wanted to fuck this girl since the seventh grade and I was hoping that this was my way in between those sumptuous thighs of hers", I shrugged and said, "I don't know why. I just did it." I'm pretty sure my teacher knew exactly why I had done what I had done, and my answer pretty much secured her suspicions.

The teacher then asked what she should do, and I responded with, "You should fail me." It kind of sounded like I was trying to work a Jedi mind trick on her. Here's the thing, though: she didn't fail me. In fact, I got 100% on the test. I don't know if she failed Teryn. I do know that we moved seats the very next day and I wasn't allowed to sit anywhere near Teryn ever again.

After that, Teryn and I drifted apart. We worked together briefly our senior year when she was a photographer for the year book and also for the school newspaper, and I was a weekly columnist. We interacted sparsely, though she did show me her belly button piercing, which she got before it became common for everyone to have one. Now, I have no idea where she is.

I never cheated on another test again. And I never got my carnal repayment for allowing Teryn to copy my test. I guess it's true: cheaters never win.


Amber Tidd Murphy said...

I used to have that photographic memory, too - I remember seeing my notes in my mind, I would recall where on the page the information I needed was written, maybe what I had doodled in the margin next to it.

As for the rest of your post: Bahahahahaha. Guilt journal? I should have had one of those rather than bottling up all my masturbation guilt. But, for me, the subject didn't matter. It was the act itself.

Travis said...

Be careful. That chick might move back into the trailer next to you after being out of touch for 10 years, and then you might wind up shooting her a message on myspace, and then the next thing you know you'll wind up sending her husband out to the store for some food so you can fuck her in their bed.

Yeah. I wish I was joking about that.

Happened to me.

Eric said...

Ahh the 'skirt days', also known as 'days in which sometimes sitting at the desk was required even after the bell had rung'. What?

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Isn't photographic memory the best? I remember in college I would stare at my notes for a few minutes and be able to recall everything on the exams.

She's totally going to google her name someday...

Nikki said...

I google my name all the time but I only get the same things over and over again. I wish someone would blog about how sexy my thighs were or something. Maybe someday. *sigh*

Gwen said...

I am continually amazed at how similar we were as children (minus all the masturbation and the guilt journal, of course). School was easy for me, too, and for the reasons you describe. It wasn't until college, when I stopped going to classes, that I realized how little effort it took. That doesn't mean I started going to class, though.

Jidai said...

Do you consider taking two years worth of classes of a language you've been fluent in since you were a toddler cheating?

Soda and Candy said...

I love your trips down memory lane, filth though they may be ; )

Also, I heart Psych!

carissajaded said...

There are definitely a few people for whom I would have gone to the ends of the cheating world for.

And I am with Nikki, I would absolutely love to google my name and find it in a blog post such as this one.

And I love you for putting up a psych pic.

JenJen said...

I'm so glad you referenced the guilt's something that made me like you from the start.
And I think that you are sweet.

And I think I'm going to go gag now.

Darn girly mush.

Joshua said...

Another well written piece. The perfect combination of guilt, humour, and masturbation. You, sir, have a gift. I had a journal like that, except it's still in my head. My brother was nosy and I never wrote it down. It's the curse of the photographic memory. Or not so much a curse. Ah...memories.

I left you an award at my blog. I took some liberties with the rules; I don't like rules. Come on by to pick it up, if you're interested in that kind of thing.


JennyMac said...

carnal repayment will be my new favorite phrase.

Guilt journal? Hallelujah I never thought of that....

BeckEye said...

I agree with some of the others here: finding out I was the object of someone's lust via Google search would make my decade.

adrienzgirl said...

I can't believe you didn't even get a thank you handjob outta that. Damn dude!

Elliott said...

Dammit, now I'm going to have JCM stuck in my head all day. With the contrast of Peter Gabriel's 'Big Time' just to change things up.

And I had a hard enough time finding girls who liked me when I WASN'T related to half of my school. Damn. But you don't want to go having any flipper kids with eleven fingers.

Elliott said...

And since I'm reading backwards, I also commented on the wrong post. I'm sure it's all good.

Only two years of French? You wised up long before I did. Eight years of a language that only helps me on crossword puzzles.

Elliott said...

And yes, I loved skirt days. I especially liked pep rally days, when the cheerleaders would come to class in their uniforms. This one girl had magnificent thighs, but I don't know that I ever said one word to her in four years of high school.

My WV? StSiblen - patron saint of rubbing one out to a relative.

Harmony said...

I LOVE Psych! Shawn and Gus are awesome.

Guilt journal? I have never heard of anything like that.

How awesome would it have been if you really told your teacher your intentions of cheating. So AWESOME!

Nej said...

I had a voice coach once point out that I had a photographic memory. Apparently she could physically see my eyes goes back and forth like I was reading music...even though there wasn't any in front of me. :-)

P.S. Gus is great!