The Time I Cheated

Let me tell you about the time I strayed from the path of the straight and narrow.

I was a sophomore in high school. In case you haven't noticed, I have this little thing about language. At the time, I was taking French II. Because I thought it would affect the rest of my life, I actually cared about my grades and such. This meant that I was a good student and I knew ma francais tres bien. Yes, I was an A student. I would have been a straight A student across the board, but I never really studied. I just memorized shit. I had an almost photographic memory. I never really worked to develop it, otherwise I could have ended up as a crime fighter who pretends he's psychic but really just notices everything at the scene of the crime. Plus, I didn't have an awesome sidekick.

I digress. I was like this from grade school on. In junior high, I was the same way: pay attention in class, memorize what the teacher was saying, maybe open the book and read it if I was bored, do my homework, ace the test. Pretend like it ain't no thang.

Despite this overly nerdy demeanor, I managed to make friends. Some of those friends were even of the female persuasion. One of them was Teryn Wehr (pronounced like "Tair-an Weer"). Terryn was awesome. She and I just sort of meshed, like our personalities played off one another well. Hmmm...perhaps I did have an awesome sidekick that I could use to help me solve crimes through the power of observation.

Oh did I mention that there was a little of When Harry Met Sally... going on? Yeah, in this case it was true. It's not so much that I developed amorous feelings for Teryn. No, I shot way past that and immersed myself in a tank of hormone-fueled lust. Much like the Betsy Hagar thing, I just desired her. It wasn't that Teryn was drop-dead gorgeous or that she had a body to die for. I think part of the attraction was that her personality played so well off mine. That, and she had fucking amazing thighs. I admired them often in social studies on the days that she would wear that gray skirt that rode up when she sat with one leg looped over the other and--What? Uh, Fifty-four forty or Fight! Whew. Dodged a bullet.

This will slide off into TMI territory for a moment. Remember that Guilt Journal I kept? The one wherein I would write pages-long confessions about the lustful feelings toward certain girls and the guilt that I felt after fantasizing about them during masturbation? Yes, well, I also kept a little running total in the front of the journal about whom I fantasized the most. Oh, come on now. This surprises you? Anyway, Teryn was far and away the most often discussed within the pages of those various tomes (I think I filled out three of them throughout my junior high and high school years) followed by Betsy Hagar and then it sort of tailed off. She was the greatest center of lust and guilt at that point in my life. Yes, I absolutely had a crush on her. However, since we were friends, I never acted on it. I never asked her out. I never confessed my feelings to her. I just silently lusted for her from the edges, playing out my fantasies by hand at night and afterward scrawling my guilt across the lined white sheets in my spiral bounds.

As far as I know, she never knew about how I felt. That is, of course, until she googles her own name. Hi, Teryn!

So, let's return to my French II class, shall we. Lo and behold, as luck would have it, during this particular nine week period, I was sitting next to Ms. Wehr for class. This afforded me the luxury of further studying her thighs on skirt days and it afforded her the luxury of copying off my papers during quizzes and tests. I believe that's called a symbiotic relationship.

Well, one day, as we were taking a test, my teacher had to do something in the office. So, she left us in the room quietly taking our tests. Except, I was done. As this was high school, I was forced to sit there during class. I think that I might have been reading The Lord of the Rings (again) during the down time after the quiz when I felt a pair of eyes upon me.

I looked over and there was Teryn, trying to see what I had written on my paper. This was when my dick started thinking and left my brain behind. Since the teacher was out of the room, I picked up the test sheet and handed it to Teryn. What? I figured that, if I let her copy from me, maybe she would repay me in a more carnal fashion. Makes perfect sense, right?

Well, apparently, someone saw me hand my paper to Teryn. Someone as in the entire class. I guess it shouldn't come as a big surprise when the teacher asked me to stay after class a couple of days later. And, frankly, I deserved any punishment I got. Instead of reading me the riot act or ripping me a new one, the teacher expressed how sad she was and wondered why I did it.

Being that I didn't feel like explaining to her the whole "We've been friends for a long time and I've wanted to fuck this girl since the seventh grade and I was hoping that this was my way in between those sumptuous thighs of hers", I shrugged and said, "I don't know why. I just did it." I'm pretty sure my teacher knew exactly why I had done what I had done, and my answer pretty much secured her suspicions.

The teacher then asked what she should do, and I responded with, "You should fail me." It kind of sounded like I was trying to work a Jedi mind trick on her. Here's the thing, though: she didn't fail me. In fact, I got 100% on the test. I don't know if she failed Teryn. I do know that we moved seats the very next day and I wasn't allowed to sit anywhere near Teryn ever again.

After that, Teryn and I drifted apart. We worked together briefly our senior year when she was a photographer for the year book and also for the school newspaper, and I was a weekly columnist. We interacted sparsely, though she did show me her belly button piercing, which she got before it became common for everyone to have one. Now, I have no idea where she is.

I never cheated on another test again. And I never got my carnal repayment for allowing Teryn to copy my test. I guess it's true: cheaters never win.