Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. LX

Vagina is a terrible word.

Now, don't get me wrong; I'm in no way, shape or form against vaginas...unless I'm holding myself against one. *badda bing!* Nor do I fear them. I love them! I LOVE VAGINAS!!! I just hate the term.

It is, however, a word we've adopted directly into English from Latin.

And, if possible, the Latin pronunciation of the word is even worse: "wah-guy-nah"

It also means that the proper plural form of vagina is "vaginae" (pronounced "wah-guy-neye").

Really, Rome? That's the best you can do?

Well, actually, it is pretty clever. See, in Latin, "vagina" means "a sheath or a scabbard". It was then taken to mean a covering for anything, specifically for anything that you insert into a covering for protection. I think you see where I'm going here.

After finishing with sliding your sword into the guts of those pesky Gauls, one would slide his sword into its sheath upon his belt. Then to properly celebrate, one would slide his penis into vagina. See how that works out?

In Rome, vagina was also the term for the anatomical feature of women's genitalia, so when we adopted vagina directly into English, we brought along the anatomical definition. But, I think you can see where the Romans saw the similarities between a sheath for the sword and a sheath for the penis.

Kind of puts a new spin on that whole "pen is mightier than the sword" thing, doesn't it?

Incidentally, the sheath for the claws (and not the nose) of a cat are also covered under the term "vagina". There's a pussy joke to be made here, but I won't make it.

I've said it many times before, but I'll repeat it here: Latin isn't just a dead language to be tossed around in ye olde Jenks household, it's also a form of foreplay. So, ladies, next time sexy time with your beau rolls around, lay back, hood your eyes, and coyly lay this one on him:

Mitte tuum gladium in meam vaginam, mi domine.
Pronounced: "Meet-aye too-oom glah-dee-oom in may-ahm wah-guy-nahm, mee doh-mee-nay."

Sultry translation in the hovertext

One of my favorite things to come out of this (heh) is that "vagina" is also the vocative form of the word, which means you can directly address a vagina and not have to change the word. So, you can fire off "O vagina, te amo..."

That's almost poetic. In an epic sort of way.

Ladies, don't fret. In case you feel a little out of sorts learning that your lady parts are really just a euphemism for a convenient place for a fellow to store his weapon (heh), the word "penis" in Latin means "tail". It also means penis, but I'm thinking that "tail" is a little more negative than is "sheath."

Besides, many a man spins tales about his "tail", if you know what I'm saying.