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Inspirational Reads

Hello, Black Ice, My Old Friend...

February 1, 2010

For many people in the South, the thing they fear more than education and literacy is black ice. In case you're unaware, black ice is that phenomenon that occurs when you've had some melting of ice and snow on the roadways, but then the water refreezes. It's usually not a very thick layer of ice that refreezes, so it looks black on the surface of the road.

But really, we know that it's "Black Ice", because it's a killer.

It raises up from the surface of the road, axe in one hand, log chain in the other, and either cleaves you into kibble or smashes you into meat paste. Afterward, it hurtles your car into the nearest pine grove. Then, it's bloodlust sated for a few moments, it eases itself back down to the tarmac where it quietly awaits its next hapless victim.

So, for that reason, I'm home today. The kids have a day off school, and my wife had to go to work. But, it's not like I was too torn up over it. I think the conversation went like this:

Wife: The school call--
Me: Oh, I guess I'll have to take a day off work. Oh no!!!!

And then I went dancing running from the room giggling wailing and beating my breast and other things that you're supposed to do when you're so overcome with emotion that you have to express it through actions.

So, here I sit at home, pondering how I'm going to find enough energy to shower, wondering if I have clean unders upstairs, and wondering if it's a social faux pas for one to take a nap if one has slept in until 10:30.

I am hoping, however, that with this weekend's forecast of another round of snow and sleet and winter weather, that we won't have to deal with Jim Cantore anywhere in the Carolinas. The man actually reported that Charlotte was experiencing "Sneezle": that's snow, sleet and freezing drizzle.

Fuck you, Jim Cantore.

He then went on to explain the "dire situation" in the state where 45,000 customers reported power outages. "That's doubled in just the past hour". And...then it never went back up. And power was restored pretty quickly.

Hey, look at that...bitching about the Weather Channel two weeks in a row on Monday...what are the odds? Is that a faux pas, too? Or is that just an internet meme?

I know one thing that's definitely not a faux pas, and that is to hope that the forecasted sleet and freezing rain for tomorrow morning comes just in time to re-ice the roads. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go wail and beat my breast and plan on where my early afternoon nap is going to take place.


Adam L. said...

Lucky bastard.

June said...

The lovely black ice...
Enjoy your nap time and hopefully you will have tomorrow off too!

Now be nice to the wife and pick up your shit laying around the house and get dinner started. Oh, don't forget to rotate the laundry.
She will love you and really it won't take but 30 minutes of your precious lazy ass day.

If Ward knew how long it really takes to do these few things before he walks in the door, I think I would be told daily to get a job.

Chemgeek said...

Black ice has many origins. The most dangerous type occurs when the temperatures stay in the 0°F range. At that temp the water vapor in car exhaust freezes quite nicely to the pavement. Over time (especially around intersections) what looks like pavement is actually a thin layer of crash inducing ice. Fun times.

Enjoy the nap you lucky bastard!!!!

Joshua said...

I'm am jealous. I wish I could get called out from work for this reason.

Eric said...

I worry that you are stereotyping the ice based on its race. A good friend of mine is a black ice cube. ;)

(I am completely being goofy above for the sake of dumb jokes, let not the hating begin)

Junket said...

Here's a story for you. I'm a native Floridian. I grew up in a hurricane. When Jim Cantore would come to town to report the storms, the ladies would FLOCK to where he was just to see him. He may be annoying, but he's also getting laid.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...


I'm thinking of procreating for the sole purpose of getting to stay home with them when they are sick and for snow days... ohh, and maternity leave!

I'll be back, I uh, need to go "talk" to my hubs about something!