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Totally Blowing Stuff Up Tuesdays: The Bad Decision

February 9, 2010

I'm not really here today. I'll be in a conference room all day, doing the quarterly meeting thang. Damn, I am so street. In my stead, I am offering you a video that will hopefully excite and titillate. Or at least satisfy your need for wanton pain and destruction that I normally offer up on a Tuesday.

So...most Tuesdays, I try to bring the glorious celebration of entropy that only an explosion can provide. Today, I'm going outside of the explosive box for a moment...but only because this shit is really funny.

I guess I should call it "Totally Setting Stuff on Fire Tuesday" or maybe "Totally Doing Something Stupid to Your Crotch Tuesday", but it just doesn't have the same feel.

Okay, well, here's the video:

Okay, so, what this dunderhead was trying to do was a neat little trick that you can pull to impress your friends. If you take some low-burning solvent--ethanol, acetone, ether--and douse your clothing in it, you can actually light the solvent on fire without catching the fabric--or yourself--on fire.

Seriously, don't do this at home.

The trick is that, since the alcohol burns at a much lower temperature than does cotton or flesh, you'll get this neat little dancing flame over your jeans or socks or what have you (your hand, if you're really brave and/or a charlatan attempting to hoax a bunch of uneducated medieval peasants). The fire will burn itself out and, since the fire isn't burning hot enough to catch the pants on fire, you should be in the clear.

Seriously, don't even attempt this on your own. Especially not when you're drunk.

What Captain Braintrust up above tried to do was show off for his friends. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that gasoline burns at something like 470-560 degrees C. Cotton's ignition temperature is 450 degrees C (and, of course, paper's is Fahrenheit 451...) The ignition temperature of ethanol is 426 degrees you can see, it still burns pretty hot, but not hot enough to catch the fabric on fire. However, it will still make you nice and toasty and/or singe off your naughty bits.

That's why I'm telling you not to try this at home.

However, if you want to charm the pants off your ladyfriend, you can try showing her that you have "money to burn"...

Wow. That flaming hand trick was pretty cool. But, like the film's producer, I wouldn't recommend it.

Otherwise, someone might have to stomp out your nuts.


mo.stoneskin said...

Absolutely brilliant videos. Did you try them at home when drunk? I'll bet you did.

Ed Adams said...

Great Vid. Still need more hot chic pics.

otherworldlyone said...

I found you. Without the link. All by myself.

Eric said...

When I want to burn money, I use Thermite (tm).

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

When I want to burn money, I just call Oprah.

Also, my step-sister-in-law used to rub her socks on the carpet and then light them on fire.


(Wish I had it on video.)

BeckEye said...

I have a friend who does burlesque and one of her things is lighting herself on fire...and eating it. She's pretty good at it, but she has burned herself on more than one occasion.

carissajaded said...

Hmmm only one kinda booby pic? Is everything ok??? but I want to catch shit on fire now!!! I blame you! I'm calling you when I'm all arressted and burnt to a crisp!

Scope said...

Good thing numb nuts didn't fart when his pants were on fire. That would have really made matters worse.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Mo: I can assure you, good sir, that I've never lit my crotch on fire, drunk or sober. As for the lighting of the hand on fire...well, I can't say.

@ Ed: Well, there's never enough pictures of hot chicks.

@ OtherWorldlyOne: I wasn't hiding. Least of all from you! But, I'm glad you're here. Cheeseball?

@ Eric: Excellent choice. In fact, I recommend that for burning ANYTHING.

@ Amber: Uh...yeah...

Wait...would she rub her feet on the carpet so much that she'd catch the socks on fire, or just rub them on the carpet and then separately light them?

Or do we even really want to clarify this?

@ Beckeye: Does she drink a candle and spit out the hot, melty wax, to protect the inside of her mouth? And then does a coyote spirit guide show up?

@ Scope: an excellent point. Someone else brought up that, hopefully, if the fire didn't sterilize him, then maybe the grape stomping would.

Heh. Numbnuts.

adrienzgirl said...

Since the first video was all staged do you think the dumbass remembered to put on a cup????

MJenks said...

@ adrienzgirl: Based on the way he opens his eyes and makes a perfect "O" with his mouth, I'm guessing "no".

It might be staged, but I'm still pretty sure dumbass used the wrong solvent to light himself aflame.

Nej said...

"Totally Doing Something Stupid to Your Crotch Tuesday"

Might not have the same ring....but it would catch peoples attention, that's for sure. :-)