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Inspirational Reads

The 700 Club

April 26, 2010

This, my friends, is my 700th post. Which means I've joined the 700 Club, and while this isn't nearly as satisfying as the Mile High Club nor as sure to get me elected to the Hall of Fame someday as the 30-30 club, it's still something I'm strangely proud of.

Of course, the 700 Club also has those connotations that I'm somehow in league with the kook, Pat Robertson.

Let me make it abundantly clear to all, I do not think, nor am I willing to be swayed on this, that the slave revolt of 1803 in anyway lent any cause to the unfortunate earthquake that hit earlier in the year. Also for the record, I don't think that scandalously-dressed nubile women cause earthquakes. In fact, I fully support scandalously-dressed nubile women--plate tectonics be damned!!!

I salute you, women of Boobquake, and applaud you at the same time! This is the finest thing to come out of Purdue since John Wooden.

So, it is with the utmost respect--and joy--that I salute you, women of the world, for wearing your low-plunging tops, your short skirts, and your thigh-high boots. Wait? That's not part of the deal? Shut up and let me dream, alright. *wistful sigh*

Oh, what, you want some sort of conclusion to this post? Fine.

I'm also not so dumb as to believe that global warming has caused this recent spate of earthquakes. I'm more apt to believe that Sigyn is slow getting back with the cup to hold over Loki's head to stop the poison from dribbling onto him than I am to believe any of these previous postulates on why they earth's crust has suddenly become so violently active.

Oh, sure, global warming is a convenient excuse to dredge up when a series of catastrophes hits, especially if you're looking for more funding from a government grant. And the story sounds good, right? The ice sheets are receding, so the Earth's crust is bouncing back and causing all sorts of tremors and quakes? This makes sense for why the land around the Great Lakes is rising, but not for places such as Haiti or Chile or Indonesia getting earthquakes, since they were never covered in glaciers during the last Ice Age (though I will offer that the mountains near Chile probably were more heavily glaciered during the cold period).

The thing is, there are hundreds of earthquakes, everyday, all around the world. Chile, Haiti, Indonesia, China (and Iceland) are all in very active tectonic zones, where two hunks of the Earth's crust are sliding past one another or diving under one another or pulling away from each other. That's the explanation. That's why things are going apeshit. It's plate tectonics, and it would go on, even if the world was still covered in ice.

Although...I guess that global warming could cause nubile young women to dress more scantily. Of course, if it was warmer, more people would go to the beach to enjoy some time with the wind and the surf and the sun. And perhaps, while dumping out the poison, Sigyn went to the beach to check out shirtless guys. Dammit! It all makes sense now!

But Pat Robertson is still a kook.

17 comments:

Travis said...

Congrats on 700, man! That's awesome! I have a long way to go before I catch you!

Boobquake is the shit. I'm so excited. Of course, I work at a high school, so I have to wait to be excited until it's legal.

Logical Libby said...

His theory is flawed. I was much sluttier in the 90's and nothing happened.

Joshua said...

700? Wow. Congrats on that.

And with an end like that...you can finish the rest.

That Baldy Fella said...

Happy 700, old stick! Impressive.

kate said...

Seriously, if dressing like a tramp had anything to do with earthquakes, there would've been WAAAAAY more when I was in college and a sorority than there are now. Just to test that theory, though, I fully intend on prancing around my house naked for awhile after work. If you hear of any major earthquakes in Kansas today, you all will know who to blame.

Eric said...

If there's going to be a boobquake, put me in the epicenter of that phenomenon.

SkylersDad said...

Congrats on the 700th post, and may I issue a formal "Hubba-Hubba" to the fine rear end at the end of your post.

Nej said...

700...wow! I was going to send you a congrats cake, but you just try getting 700 candles in one baked good. Go ahead, try!!

:-)

Ed said...

That is a seriously nice ass in that last pic.

As for boob quake and global warming, I am calling Bullshit.

I think Boobquake is something Bill Clinton came up with to try and capitalize on Al Gore and his global warming.

Tracie said...

Congrats on making it to 700 posts! I have far to go. Also, it's too cold here to participate in Boobquake.

adrienzgirl said...

Dude 700? Congrats. Compared to the posts of the rest of us, it's like you have written double that.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Did you hear I'm knocked up? My boobs are too sore to quake.

No motorboatin' over here today.

Congrats on seven hundo!

Scope said...

Pat was just noticing that in California, the
artificial B( . )( . )Bs jiggle more than the
natural B(.)(.)Bs and he was confusing correlation with causation.

Sully said...

I feel cheated for reading so late in the game... Congrats.

Wynn said...

You wrote this about 700 posts just because I recently wrote about my puny 300 posts and you knew I would be reading this, didn't you? Asshole!

And, doesn't the earth have more and less active periods? This could be a more active period?
I mean, I'm a firm believer in Murphy's Law, but yeah, I do not believe a warmer climate has caused any earthquakes out there.

Wynn said...

Oh, and congratulations to the 700 posts! No really, I mean it.

carissa said...

Dude, 700? That is awesome.. Congrats on making it this far. And as far as I'm concerned, Boobquake is a daily occurrence...