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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. LXXVI

July 9, 2010

Salvete, omnes! Here it is, the end of the week. For a lot of us, it's a short week. For some, it's shorter than others. That's right. I'm busting out another day of vacation and taking a three day weekend. How's that? I just had a three day weekend? True enough. But with the wife and kids out of the house, it means I can walk around all day with my cock in my hand get a few repairs done around the house without distraction or delay. So, I'm carpe-ing the diem and getting done a few things inside that I've had on the "to do" list (or the dare list...*sigh*...it's a Latin pun) for a while.

By the way, who the hell turned summer on full blast? This is fucking ridiculous. I guess the good thing is that, with heat like this, either the water in the Gulf of Mexico is going to evaporate or the oil spill is just going to simultaneously combust. Win/win, I guess.

Notice how I said I'm working inside the house. It's too fucking hot--and the thunderstorm currently raging just outside my window promises to make it too humid, as well--to do anything outside. I don't care how much you love working outside, one hundred degree heat will melt your ambition in a heartbeat. Being that my ambition isn't exactly set to "go-getter" in the first place, throwing on a bunch of heat really makes me want to sit inside all day watching tv not work outside.

The Romans, too, preferred to not work outside in heat like this. The wealthy members of society would simply have their slaves do the work for them and then go jaunting off into the countryside where it was cooler and the girls were chased by wolves. Sorry, that's another obscure joke that you wouldn't get unless you've used Ecce Romani! as a text book...

Believe it or not--and I'm sure you'll opt for the "not"--the Romans even had a phrase to capture just how fucking disgusting the summertime temperatures can be. So, if you're stuck in the eastern part of the country--like I am--and you're sweating in places that you didn't even know you had, let alone that they were too hot, feel free to utter this dandy:

Foris maxime caletur...

Pronounced: "Four-eese max-eem-ay cah-lay-toor..."

Sweat-soaked translation in the hovertext


In case you were wondering, that's Apollo, a god identified with the sun and the only Olympian god who didn't have his name altered when he was accepted into the Roman pantheon--though he was sometimes called "Phoebus" or "Phoebus Apollo". As he eventually came to be associated with driving the sun across the sky (a job formerly held by Helios), I felt he'd be an appropriate choice to deliver this week's lesson.

The Romans did have a goddess that they identified with summer and summer's heat. Her name was Aestas (the Latin word for summer is aestivus) and she was depicted as sitting upon an emerald throne. She wore no clothing, except for maybe some wheat sheaves in her hair. That's my kind of goddess!

With those happy thoughts, I'll wish everyone a Happy Friday. Stay cool, stay well-hydrated, and remember, if it gets too hot, I give you permission to take off as much clothing as possible necessary in order to get cool. Just remember that certain sensitive parts of the body will hurt more if they get sunburned.

I'm not admitting to anything. I'm just sayin'. *shifty-eyed*

11 comments:

Jennifer said...

Did you have a night last week where the temperature dropped down into the 40s?

Seriously, the weather in Appalachia is fucked. And not in the fun, glowing way. More like the meth-addict-who-has-turned-to-Oxycontin-for-a-high-way.

Sass said...

Hot as balls, indeed.

As I sit here drinking my hot coffee...

And now I'm thinking about balls.

Thanks.

Really.

BigSis said...

So, which word means balls? I don't recall learning that word in HS, but why would I, right? Flavia and Cornelia were certainly not concerned with testicles - just sitting under trees and reading.

Nej said...

For some reason, mother nature is being extraordinarily cruel this week. Gorgeous weather during the week, when you can't be outside to enjoy, and when you have to be inside with the a/c. And then hotter than hell on the weekends when you want to be out during the day, not hiding inside.

Bev said...

I love this one, and will definitely put it to good use this weekend when I'm walking around naked to stay cool.

What? Mjenks told me I could!

Have a great weekend!

SkylersDad said...

While you are sweating your nads off back there, we are breaking records here for the coldest high temps for July.

Huzzah for us, I can always put on my big boy long pants.

kate said...

You east coast weenies! We've been sweating bawls since April here in the midwest. You just hit that point every year where you just go "fuck it...I'm going to sweat continuously until October. Time to stop fighting it."

It's dropped down to the upper-80's this week and it seems like it's freezing :) I'm going to Seattle next week for a wedding and am going to have to bring a parka...

Heather said...

Let's see, I have had NOTHING BUT rain for 2 weeks now. I would take 105 degree weather any day now. Anything to stop the raging floods running through the middle of Oklahoma...

Great lesson!

Wynn said...

Pluvius aestivus, Jenks!

Isn't it darling with summers rains, humidifying all up in your grill, making it impossible to remove those jeans that were comfortable this morning when you put them on.

Soda and Candy said...

"By the way, who the hell turned summer on full blast? This is fucking ridiculous. I guess the good thing is that, with heat like this, either the water in the Gulf of Mexico is going to evaporate or the oil spill is just going to simultaneously combust. Win/win, I guess. "

This. Oh my god it's crazy out there. It was 95 degrees inside my house yesterday! And I am so with you on the melted ambition. It's just too hot to move.

Anonymous said...

I used the Via Romani textbooks in high school - they looked like they were cobbled together by someone with a manual typewriter with a budget of 10 dollars. I used to resent my friends, taking lessons out of the slick (and hardbound) French and Spanish textbooks.
I greatly enjoy your posts, keep it up!