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Afflicted by the Plague

August 23, 2009

I was going to write something here yesterday, but I didn't. Nothing like understating the blatantly obvious, I realize, but that's me. The reason for my lack of writing is that I've been taken down by the smallest of foes: the nefarious summer cold virus.

I'm not sure how this little bastard snuck into my body. Actually, I do. My wife has been fighting the nefarious summer cold for days now. At night, when reclining in bed together, she's been breathing her noxious, infectious miasma upon me. Thus it is that the aforementioned nasty little bugger has entered into the temple that is my body and has rendered me eloquently exhausted, which is truly unfortunate for one who refers to himself as "indefatigable."

I mean, I've been afflicted with much worse maladies. At the beginning of the summer, I was struck down by the flu, and it might have even been the most vile and worrisome Swine Flu! Take to the streets, screaming and running now. At the time, our buddy H1N1 was running rampant upon his pale horse through the streets of my little swath of North By God Carolina. And yet, I got up everyday, took the kids to school, and I shuffled off to work where I reformed matter to satisfy my desire. I hardly batted an eye in the face of that most terrible and horrendous affliction! Ha ha! Do your worst! I laugh in your piggy little porcine eyes.

But this? This little sniffle has grabbed me by the lapels and dragged me down into the very depths of wanton despair and lassitude. It's nothing more than a stuffed up head--though, my head is filled with a most heinous and syrupy mass of vibrant green pudding--and a bit of a sore throat, but the true nature of this beast is one that has rendered me...dare I say it...fatigued!

This isn't any typical exhaustion. It's a kind of languor that seems to accumulate in my limbs, making my hands and feet feel as if they weigh a hundred pounds apiece. It's difficult to drag them from one place to another, and while my dear friend--the Target brand knock-off of Dayquil--does help me to feel better, it's a temporary thing. As the four hour time period begins to wind down, the heaviness returns to my hands and feet and--worst of all--my eyelids.

So, if you'll forgive me, I'm not going to be blogging yesterday, as I'm trying to recover from this vile and unctuous pathosis. In fact, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go take a nap, so that I can return to normal blogging activities in the near future.

16 comments:

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh so sorry dude! I hope you erradicate the nasty little bastard from "the template that is your body" soon.

SoBeAck-with a K said...

Hope you're back on your feet soon, or at least strong enough to shuffle to your keyboard. Take care!

JennyMac said...

Hope you feel better!

Mala said...

My naughty nurse outfit is at the cleaners (don't ask!) so I'll just leave you with "Get Well Soon".

The Ambiguous Blob said...

It sucks to be sick.

Samsmama said...

Did you just apologize in advance for not blogging yesterday? Awesome!

Hope you're feeling better!

Nikki said...

Being sick sucks but if I may suggest a hot lavendar bath. I know what your manliess says about this idea but it makes such a big difference.

Cowguy said...

Your impetus for recovery.

Me.

My hairy back.

Beard... everywhere.

Cigar clenched in my teeth.

Naughty nurse costume.

In your cold medicine addled dreams offering you a chicken soup enema... until you get well.

Believe it or not, with all these magical healing skills... I never went to med school.

J.

Jules said...

Feel better soon! And start taking zinc!

Ψ*Ψ said...

i had one of those last week! all i could do was sleep 18 hours a day.

feel better soon :)

Eric said...

A shot of whiskey and a couple of fresh habanero peppers always get me feeling better. After I eat the peppers I can't remember what the hell was bothering me before I felt all that pain.
Get better.

BPOTW said...

Poor thing! Hope you feel better soon!

BeckEye said...

Oh no, The Amoeba Boys! Well, it could be worse. You could've been attacked by The Beat Alls. Or BUNNY.

Get well soon!

otherworldlyone said...

Aw! Feel better!

Nej said...

(putting on her 3M respirator mask - no offense, but I don't want it) :-)

Dayquil to the rescue. I always have a bottle of it here in my drawer at work. Summer colds are the worst!!!!! :-(

Get well soon!!!!!!!!

Gauche said...

wow. you write much better then I do when I'm sick. Hope you got over it without much pain. I'm currently being held prisoner by the Common Cold. It stinks.