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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. XXXIV

August 7, 2009

Oh boy! It's finally here! GIJoe, the last of the summer blockbuster movies, is released today. Am I excited? Yup. Do I think it's going to fuckrape a beloved childhood toy and the subsequent memories that go along with it? Yup. Am I still going to go see it? Yup. Well, as long as the Missus lets me right after I eat the dinner the Missus has prepared for me this evening.

Anyway, I loved GIJoe when I was a kid. Despite the fact that no one ever died on the show, I still loved it. Despite the fact that characters would eject from helicoptors to avoid being shot down with missiles, I loved it. Despite the fact that a world-wide terrorist organization was commanded by logic like "hmmm...none of our soldiers die, but we should piss away millions of dollars designing, building and subsequently letting the Joes completely destroy these legions of Battle Android Troopers", I still tuned in every day.

My friend Joel was also a fan of GIJoe. We'd get together in the afternoons and play. That was actually how I got to know Joel. On the first day of fifth grade, I introduced myself to the class and said something about how I loved Transformers and GIJoe. At recess, Joel came up to me and told me how his mom fixed his Airtight using some twine (it didn't sound quite so dirty back then). Awesome. A friendship that lives on today was cast through a fictional anti-terrorist organization.

Still, truth be told, I liked Transformers just a hair more. But that doesn't mean I loved GIJoe any less. Hmmm...maybe I should make sure my kids never find this...

My favorites were Snake Eyes (naturally), and this seldom-seen character named Ripcord, and the military firefighter Barbecue. In fact, I think Barbecue was the first GI Joe figure I ever bought. Of my three favorites, his was the only action figure I ever owned. Sometimes it sucks growing up in a small town.

Since I tied other summer blockbusters--Watchmen, Star Trek, and Transformers--to the Latin lessons, I figured I might as well round the summer out in fashion. Here's an easy one for you that you can use to dazzle fellow nerds douchebags moviegoers at the theatre:

"Io, Iosephus!"

Pronounced: "Yo, Yoh-say-foose!"

Translation in the hovertext, as always!

What? You're still here? That didn't satisfy you? Fine. Well, here. You may find this handy outside of the theatre or in discussions about how fucking terrible righteously awesome the movie is. I encourage you, especially, to try it on Rachel Nichols (and, yes, Red, I know it's a bottle job).

Nisi mecum concubueris, phobistae vicerint

Pronounced: "Nee-see may-coom cone-cyoo-bwair-eese, foe-beest-eye wee-care-eent!"

Still in the hovertext!

I think, in this certain situation, "venustas habes mammas" would also be quite appropriate.


Eric said...

Definitely prefer the second translation.
GI Joe was kind of like the A Team, thousands of rounds of ammo, pursuing vehicles containing bad guys flipping over, then the obligatory 'angry fist shake of proving no one died'.

Scope said...

By this time, I was more into Voltron (the 5 Lion one, nto the car one). I had a gen 1 GI Joe. He kicked Ken's ass and dated my sister's 3 Barbies. But, then he was cast aside for Big Jim and his axe chopping move.

Now that does some like porn.

Nej said...

I had a Ripcord action figure. He spent most of his time kidnapped by my he could hang out with her Barbies.

otherworldlyone said...

The terrorist one is definitely my next pick up line.


Moooooog35 said...

Well..fuck...we can't let the terrorists win.

I'll volunteer.

Bev said...

Because I love my country and hate terrorists, even I'd consider taking one for the team.

What? I meant with Joe!

Also, rubber neeples.

red said...

Ha! I wasn't even gonna say anything about that (though it's true, obvs). Sometimes, chicks dying their hair red is good for the gingers because it makes all people everywhere realize how smokin' hot we are...kinda like what my girlfriend Christina Hendricks has done for all gingerkind.

LiLu said...

I am stoked. And it's only 75% because of Channing Tatum's hotness.

Soda and Candy said...

I had a bunch of GI Joes but I never saw the cartoon. I was kind of a tomboy but I'm pretty sure my mum made sure I got a girl one too, for balance.

words...words...words... said...

Blogworld is helping me slowly realize that I'm the only guy in his thirties that didn't watch cartoons when he was little.

I'll also take the ginger ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols over this one any day.

coolred38 said...

You had a doll? woohoo...oops...I meant ACTION mistake.

Jules said...

Shit. Thanks for reminding me. I WAS going to suggest a movie to Hubby this weekend.......

My Barbie was never that interested in my brother's GI Joe. She always preferred the 6 Million Dollar Man. But maybe she was just materialistic.

Margo said...

In the third grade one of my best friends put GI Joe on top of Barbie IN the Barbie Dreamhouse IN the Barbie bed and I cried.

Scope said...

Margo ^ "Go Joe" indeed.

Susan said...

Wow. Those boobs are quite voluptuous in that leather.... Since I didn't watch GI Joe, that's all I can comment on.

Chemgeek said...

Holy crap, I just realized I forgot to comment on this post.

Ooops, my bad.