Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. XXXIV

Oh boy! It's finally here! GIJoe, the last of the summer blockbuster movies, is released today. Am I excited? Yup. Do I think it's going to fuckrape a beloved childhood toy and the subsequent memories that go along with it? Yup. Am I still going to go see it? Yup. Well, as long as the Missus lets me right after I eat the dinner the Missus has prepared for me this evening.

Anyway, I loved GIJoe when I was a kid. Despite the fact that no one ever died on the show, I still loved it. Despite the fact that characters would eject from helicoptors to avoid being shot down with missiles, I loved it. Despite the fact that a world-wide terrorist organization was commanded by logic like "hmmm...none of our soldiers die, but we should piss away millions of dollars designing, building and subsequently letting the Joes completely destroy these legions of Battle Android Troopers", I still tuned in every day.

My friend Joel was also a fan of GIJoe. We'd get together in the afternoons and play. That was actually how I got to know Joel. On the first day of fifth grade, I introduced myself to the class and said something about how I loved Transformers and GIJoe. At recess, Joel came up to me and told me how his mom fixed his Airtight using some twine (it didn't sound quite so dirty back then). Awesome. A friendship that lives on today was cast through a fictional anti-terrorist organization.

Still, truth be told, I liked Transformers just a hair more. But that doesn't mean I loved GIJoe any less. Hmmm...maybe I should make sure my kids never find this...

My favorites were Snake Eyes (naturally), and this seldom-seen character named Ripcord, and the military firefighter Barbecue. In fact, I think Barbecue was the first GI Joe figure I ever bought. Of my three favorites, his was the only action figure I ever owned. Sometimes it sucks growing up in a small town.

Since I tied other summer blockbusters--Watchmen, Star Trek, and Transformers--to the Latin lessons, I figured I might as well round the summer out in fashion. Here's an easy one for you that you can use to dazzle fellow nerds douchebags moviegoers at the theatre:

"Io, Iosephus!"
Pronounced: "Yo, Yoh-say-foose!"

Translation in the hovertext, as always!

What? You're still here? That didn't satisfy you? Fine. Well, here. You may find this handy outside of the theatre or in discussions about how fucking terrible righteously awesome the movie is. I encourage you, especially, to try it on Rachel Nichols (and, yes, Red, I know it's a bottle job).

Nisi mecum concubueris, phobistae vicerint
Pronounced: "Nee-see may-coom cone-cyoo-bwair-eese, foe-beest-eye wee-care-eent!"

Still in the hovertext!

I think, in this certain situation, "venustas habes mammas" would also be quite appropriate.