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TMI Thursday: The Shaking of the Bed

December 17, 2009

If this does not sate your thirst for awesome TMI stories, then check out all the other glorious tales of things we probably shouldn't tell at LiLu's home for the staunchy raunchy, TMI Thursdays!

Today is a friend of mine's birthday. Therefore, I shall tell you the most inappropriate story I think I can get away with. You see, when I was a sophomore in college, I roomed with said individual for a semester. We got along fairly well. We were friends, we kept to ourselves, we didn't annoy one another, and we had vastly different schedules.

Now, I'll preface this by telling reminding you, I jerked off a lot before I landed that sweet piece of redheaded Notre Dame undergraduate ass that I now call a wife. So, it's not like I'm casting the first stone here. I just jerked off when my room mates weren't in the room with me.

Anyway, in the room I shared with my friend, I had the bottom bunk, mostly because I had the room first and I'm somewhere around six four. With size fourteen shoes.

*ahem* Ladies. *tips cap*

Not to get off on too long and girthy of a tangent, I woke up one morning and something didn't seem right. Mostly because it seemed like the world was trembling. Not living in a fault zone, I wondered just what the fuck was happening when suddenly I realized that only the bed was shaking, and not the entire world.

And the mattress above me was the source of the shake.

My eyes grew wide as realization set in as to what was going on above me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to fall back asleep. However, try as I might, there was no return to dreamy happy land in the cards for me. So, I lay there during the entire event. At one point, someone next door opened a door, and my friend sat bolt upright in bed, because it sounded as if someone had opened our door. It was at that point that it was confirmed in my mind as to what was happening in the bed above.

Finally, he finished up, and only then did my mind allow me to fall back asleep. So, I slept fretfully for another hour until my alarm went off and away I went on my morning routine. My room mate was still in bed, now asleep.

The day passes and finally, it's the evening. I decide that I cannot keep this secret to myself anymore, so I head over to Scooter's room, where he and Young Bob are watching a movie.

"Guess what happened in my room this morning?" I said, only after hastily shutting the door behind me.

"What?" they both asked.

"I woke up, and the bed was shaking." I put a meaningful look into the last word. For a second, comprehension was lost on both of them. It was kind of cool because I could almost see the lightbulb turn on above their heads at the same time.

"Ooooooooooooooohhhhh!" they said in unison.

"Are you going to call him on it?" Young Bob asked me.

I shook my head. "I jerk off plenty. Just usually when he's not there."

Scooter thought that this was the mature thing to do. So, I dropped it, kind of put it out of my mind.

That is, until the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that.

For a solid week, I woke up earlier than normal only to find the bed shaking. Toward the end of the week, it just became amusing. I tried not to giggle. I did think about kicking the mattress once and yelling out "hurry it up". I didn't, though. I'm classy like that.

And then, I never woke up to that again. It was all very odd.

Fast forward about a year. Young Bob is hanging out in Scooter's room again (it was a common place to convene in the evenings) and my friend slips into the room. And, for some reason, he's in full-on confession mode. So, he starts telling them about all of his masturbatory habits. How often, whom he thinks about, which hand he uses...pretty much everything. But then, here's the clincher: my friend then tells Young Bob and Scooter about how he's amazed that he's never been caught.

Young Bob and Scooter lose it. They just start laughing right there. I think they covered it by telling him "Good job, good job. That's a lot of work to not get caught."

But they knew. And, as soon as I came by after working in the computer labs, they needed to divulge this little tidbit of information to me, as well. We all had a hearty laugh over that. None of us admitted to my friend, however, that I woke up several mornings with the bed shaking and just never said anything to him.

The one thing that we still wonder about, though: where did he keep it after he was done and presumably messy?


Pearl said...

I am constantly amused by men. What strange, fascinating creatures.



carissajaded said...

hmmm... I always just figured that was something all you guys did together. Like you would take turns waking each other up with the bed shaking... and then climax together and then high five. WHAT? I will never be a writer of porn...

One of my friends walked in on his roommate jerking it while playing zelda, then told EVERYone about it. His fraternity even gave him an award for it... still makes me laugh.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I had to share a bed once with my brother during a family trip to Ireland.

That's all I'm gonna say.


otherworldlyone said...

If I were a man, I'd probably do it every night too. But damned if I'd keep it a secret.

He probably just let it dry on his body then washed it off in the shower when he got up. That's my theory.

Just Another Momma said...

Maybe he left it on the wall? LMAO!

June said...

Couple questions:
Did you ever check the wall? Maybe that was where he spewed his junk.

How many times did you join in on the bed shaking? :)

Moooooog35 said...

The bed only shakes when you have to use two hands.

I've gone through three frames myself.

Bev said...

"Are those sad tissues or... happy tissues?"

What I want to know is what was going on during that one particular week that made your friend so horny at the same time each morning? Perhaps he usually got his jerking off done during your REM cycle so you didn't notice?

It's all very curious.

Ed Adams said...

I plead the fifth.

Mala said...

Oh how I count down to Thursdays... Can we get back into the shower though?

Happy birthday Ed!

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

I don't think I could have played it cool. Kudos.

adrienzgirl said...

No effin way would I have laid there and not said something. Especially as it became a morning ritual or something. Uh. No.

I totally appreciate you adding a pic for the ladies viewing pleasure today. Awesome, even if you don't know where the fuck he came from, came to, whatever.

Not lost on me dude!

mylittlebecky said...

dude. you totally should have kicked the bed. you probably would've given him pre-mature ejaculation after that. it would have been awesome.

Junket said...

I would have probably waited until he was knee-deep into it and then started moaning really loudly. That would be hilarious.

Nej said...

Ah, dorm living. How I miss you so (not!!).

I'm with you, I'd have just tried to ignore it, wanting to say something but never actually doing it. Thank goodness it only lasted a week!!!!

Does said friend read the blog??

Lindsey Himmler said...

I love girthy tangents.

Heather said...

He must have had the covers stuck to his belly! That was funny but gross, where did the junk go? LOL!

Thanks for the eye candy for the ladies!

Vic said...

You should definitely send the guy a copy of this post if he isn't around - it'll bring back those warm college memories.
Ew. Warm.

Judearoo said...

Oof grim.

Mate of mine told me that the very first time she slept in a mixed dorm in a hostel while backpacking some guy decided to get busy. There were about 8 other total strangers in the room. Her first time away from home too...

They got him kicked out the next day.

Cool as Folk said...

It could have been worse. Jerk circles could have been held.