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Inspirational Reads

Twinkle, Twinkle

December 16, 2009

I love Christmas lights. It's one of my favorite traditions of the holidays. Honestly, I would keep my Christmas lights up all year if it wasn't, you know, tacky to do so. I figure the deck that is basically falling off the side of the house is about the level of tack that I'd like to reach, so down come the Christmas lights the weekend after Christmas.

Now, people have been dragging lights into their houses during the middle of the winter months as a way of "celebrating" the darkness of winter pretty much ever since the house was invented--this custom has been seen especially in the northern hemisphere for millenia. These lights started out as candles and little lanterns and lightning bugs strung out on crack, so it makes sense that some people would prefer the all-white miniature lights that are very common today. My wife is one of these miniature-light elitists people. Over the course of the nine years of wedded bliss, I've been conditioned to like the happy little white lights as well.

Deep down inside, however, I love the multi-colored lights. She has relented in her "no colored lights" stance and has allowed me to string some red and green lights in the front bushes. It's all very pretty...but in an Italian flag sort of way.


As much as I love Christmas lights, and as much as I love multi-colored lights, I have an issue with the LED lights that are beginning to become more popular.

I realize the appeal of the LED lights in that they last longer, use less energy, and don't have that whole one-light-burns-out-and-the-whole-string-is-fucking-useless-now-where-is-that-fucking-useless-fucking-bulb-I'm-going-to-throw-the-whole-fucking-string-away-oh-here-it-is-and-it's-been-broken-and-holy-fuck-I-just-gashed-open-my-fucking-finger-on-the-fucking-broken-glass-season-of-peace-and-joy-my-ass thing. I think all of these things are great, plus it gives electrical engineers something to do during the summer months. Not to mention, they're a fantastically practical use of all that gallium and indium we have just lying around, taking up space.

But, there's just something...odd...about a display made up of all these LED lights. It's like the blues are too blue. They burn my eyes with their blueness. I look at them while I'm driving by on my way home, and my eyes sort of lose focus and drool starts to run down my chin a little bit. I begin to hear voices and angels trumpeting the glory of God in the highest. It's all a little disconcerting. Not to mention, it's slightly dangerous to be driving down the roads like that.

It's like it's not even blue anymore, but instead it's some sort of portal into an alternative universe where up is down, left is right, cats love dogs, and Tiger Woods only plays 72 holes in a weekend. *shudder* I don't want to go to that universe.

The rest of the LEDs? They've fine. They're great. I love them. I applaud them. *slow clap* But, the blues? No thank you. They're just so wrong in their intensity. Plus, that whole portal to another, more terrible dimension just isn't my cup of tea. I prefer my portals to hell to be more of the coven of thirteen witches variety. Wait, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. A coven of thirteen sexy witches variety.



Besides, we all know Muddy Waters made the best blues around.

19 comments:

Chemgeek said...

"...Tiger Woods only plays 72 holes in a weekend. "

Best Tiger Woods comment EVER!!!! And there have been a few jokes about him lately.

Just Another Momma said...

"one-light-burns-out-and-the-whole-string-is-fucking-useless-now-where-is-that-fucking-useless-fucking-bulb-I'm-going-to-throw-the-whole-fucking-string-away-oh-here-it-is-and-it's-been-broken-and-holy-fuck-I-just-gashed-open-my-fucking-finger-on-the-fucking-broken-glass-season-of-peace-and-joy-my-ass thing." We just went through that, I threw the stupid ass string away.

Cora said...

I typically have red, white and green lights on my tree. I always kinda thought it resembled the Bulgarian flag.

Go Krum!!

Anywho--

This year my red lights crapped out so now it's just green and white. It kinda looked like a St Patrick's Day tree until I covered it with a million big red balls.

*insert big red balls joke here*

Elliott said...

I've always had a soft spot for gold lights, but we couldn't make that work last year. We're now red and white, and the spotlights in front of the house are red and green. I don't mind the colors, my issue is the 'Let's string random sets of lights as we find them' with flashing colored lights on one half, white icicle lights on the other, and the lower half of a tree draped with the net lights.

And personally, I'm a John Lee Hooker fan. Boom boom boom boom.

coolred38 said...

Lol..I was driving past a street tree decorated in those blue lights and really...felt a little woozy for a second...I literally wanted to "go into the light". Really mesmerizes....but so pretty...so so pretty...so very pretty....ahhhhh!!!

Ed Adams said...

I mainly come here for the pics of sexy girls.

Do you have any of girls just wearing multicolored Christmas lights and nothing else?

Not the pussyass white lights, just the multicolored ones, please.

Del-V said...

I like the multicolored lights too. White is too boring.

carissajaded said...

Just had a very in depth conversation about these blue LED lights last night. There is a house down the street from me who has only blue LED lights and white. There is something just down right eerie about them. I grew up having only blue lights, but the normal ones. Now i live with gay guys so we have the most flamboyant house on the street!

Jon said...

I didn't realize they even sold colored lights in the south.

Nej said...

Our neighbor has no rules when it comes to using lights for decorating the outside of her house. She has a strand (one single strand) of blue lights, that goes across 1/4 of the front of her garage...then the rest of the garage is white. She has some white icicle lights hanging here and there in random places across the front of her house. There is one strand of multicolored lights on the front of the house as well. She has 7 bushes in front of her house....some have multicolored lights strung through them, some have a carpet of white lights, and one has a strand of green. Two of the trees in her front lawn have lights on them...but the lights only go 1/3 of the way up the tree. And, for some reason, there is one strand of lights that starts at a random place on the front porch roof, and extends out to a stake in the yard. Just one strand.

Elliott said...

Nej, that's a perfect description of just what bothers me in the Christmas decoration realm.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Lat year we tried placing carefully fixed candles to the branches of a 13ft tree in the hallway.

It was grand looking until the daughter opened the porch door and blew the fecking lot out.

Glass bulbs this year...

Wynn said...

We had the exakt same discussion the other day in the car, driving past someone who put up a CRAZY blue string of LED's on their house. It's impossible to locate where it actually is, it could be tapered to our windshield, or like a mile away.

And they shine in this almost UV kind of light, it's uncomfortable to look at.

No, the old fashioned small bulbs are hard to beat, I think I got like.. seven sets of them. In my room. It's awesome.

Scope said...

I am currently a "white light" person, simply due to the fact that all the colored strings have crapped out, and I only have a little balcony outside, and the tree is pre-lit, so there's no eff'n way I'n replacing the bulbs in that...

But I will get back to multicolored bulbs. I'm not a bigot.

adrienzgirl said...

We are quite a diverse bunch of people at Romano Central. We have lights on the tree that slowly fade from color to white to color again. We do not discriminate here.

Moooooog35 said...

LOOK AT ALL THE HOT GIRLS AND BOOBIES!!

Wait. What was this post about?

Lights..blue...LED...

I agree with whatever your stance is and then .

K. Back to the boobies!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I like the sexy girls too, however unrelated. I have boob on my blog today too. Lots of big sexy boobs.

Ok, Christmas lights. I like the multicolored 70s ones, all tacky and unmatching and one burns out and everythings fucked. It's not Christmas with em. The whiteys are too sterile and neat. Just felt an uncontrollable urge to weigh in on the matter.

BeckEye said...

I discovered strings of blue lights in my box of decorations and have no idea when I might have ever bought strictly blue lights. My roommates think I might secretly be Jewish.

words...words...words... said...

Much like you, I would leave the lights up all year if it weren't likely to scare people away. Lights are my favorite part of Christmas. However, I like that crazy intense blue. And all-white light displays are too classy for me. Christmas should look like a Mexican wedding.