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Inspirational Reads

Happy Fourth of July

July 4, 2009

I know yesterday that I wished you all a Happy Fourth...in Latin. While that might sound more profound and such, it's just not 'Merican enough for me. So, sit back, tune out the baseball game for a couple of moments, grab a hot dog, tuck into a slice of apple pie, and let's hump this rhino.

It seems as though this time of year, everyone's celebrating their Independence. Just the other day, our Fellows to the North celebrated Canada Day, and I told you about how the Scottish won their freedom 695 years ago. And while we might not have had to win the freedom of our land from flocks of zombie canaries, nor did we have to drive the king into the river and route his forces so badly that they cried, we did stand up and give a big double bird to the King of England and his unfair tax on our tea. And lead and stamps and glass and pretty much anything else that was awesome.

I mean, it's a lot nicer that we could gain our independence with a few pen strokes on a piece of rolled up parchment and not have to sully ourselves with fighting and battling and squaring off against the king.

Oh, hell, who am I kidding? I guaran-goddamned-tee that things would have gone a lot more swimmingly if we had simply said "You know what, we've got this guy fighting on our side. What are you going to do about it? Now pack up your pricey, overtaxed tea and haul your red-coat wearing limey asses back across the Atlantic, or else he'll roundhouse kick your jaws back onto Piccadilly Circus."
Now, everyone have a happy, safe Fourth of July, or else Chuck is going to come knocking on your door, and you'll have to deal with his beard. And if you're throwing some hotdogs on the grill today, remember I like chili and cheese, and I'll be by around 2:00.

12 comments:

Eric said...

Always thought that lead tax was unfair, so did Chuck based on the ROF the submachineguns he's holding have.

That *is* truly a saucy redhead, thanks for the first picture.

Chemgeek said...

I always have trouble spelling "guaran-goddamned-tee."

Happy Independence Day

Cooper Green said...

Up here, we had to do it with Sergeant Preston, and he's not even real. Not as real as Chuck Norris, anyway.

Happy July 4 to you.

corticoWhat said...

Amy Adams and an oiled up Chuck.

Can you maybe find us a picture of Amy all oiled up?

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Happy July 4th. Hope you had some great fireworks

Fancy Schmancy said...

Dude, I had the chili and cheese all ready for you, but you never showed. What's up with that?

Joel D. Timm said...

Did you know that when the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris?

Happy 4th Everyone.

snowelf said...

I'm sorry we didn't have hot dogs... but you know that story and probably would have steered clear of my house lest there be more explosions that blowing shit up Tuesdays could handle...

I wish Chuck Norris would have stopped by though! I'm sure he would have cleared things up.
Or at least removed Prof Shorty's tick for me! ;)


--snow

Nej said...

I was going to have hot dogs all ready....but it was raining here...and we were in a state park that wouldn't let us bring in anything explosive....so I forgive you for not showing up. :-)

Frank said...

I ate dinner on the 4th with my sister and brother-in-law...he's Greek...so we ate Greek food...I felt like such a traitor.

JennyMac said...

No hot dogs here...but we did have Chuck Norris sans shirt covered in baby oil.

otherworldlyone said...

Ah Chuck!

That is all.