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Son of a...

January 13, 2010

What the hell, people. I broke my blog somehow. I'm not sure. I mean, I usually know when I break something. Like, if I'm trying to work on it or fix it, I usually hear a snap and a tinkle as some piece falls irretrievably to the bottom of whatever I'm tinkering with. That usually involves me saying bad words and hitting something. Which is a perfect segue into the second way I know I've broken something, when I smash it out of anger and lots of little pieces fly everywhere and/or there's a dent in the wall. And then there's the third type of "I've broken something" that happens at work, and usually that involves a lot of gas being generated, possibly a gout of yellow liquid spraying everywhere, and me whistling innocently as I casually, yet in a hurried fashion, make for the exit to "go to lunch".

But, my blog, she's a broken, and I don't know to fix her.

I noticed yesterday that things weren't loading quite right on my work computer, but when I got home, everything on my home computer was fine. Now, even at home, things are eff to the you to the sea to the kay fucked.

I mean, I could go and find the layout--again--and then reinstall everything, and then I'd have to go around and find all the wonderful blogs I read and put those back in here and...fuck. That's a lot of shit. And, inevitably, I'd forget someone, and then they'd be all pissy and smearing my name in YOUR comments section, and I just can't have that. The only person who gets to smear my name is ME.

Plus, I've got a lot of writing to avoid--I mean, to do. Yes, a lot of writing to do. *shifty-eyed*

Anyway, did you guys hear that it's been cold? I've heard that some places got down to -50 something wind chills. That's enough to make your nipples stand up. Here in North By God Carolina, it's been pretty chilly, too. In fact, it came to the point where I had to bust out my coat that I wore when I was still at Notre Dame. I don't usually get that out unless it's 25 degrees or colder. I learned my lesson the first year I was married and we came down to Charlotte to visit her parents around Christmas time, and I about died of heat exhaustion wearing my heavy coat. Sweating outside in January is something you should only do if you're playing football, and while South Park Mall is a battle zone sometimes, it's not exactly the grid iron.

But, I don't mind the cold. Once I've acclimated, I'm okay with it. What, it's chilly? Oh darn, I guess I'll have to brew some coffee and lay around under my favorite afghans while watching Dirty Jobs. What a terrible fate. Oh, do cry for me, Argentina. In short, I'm a fan of the cold.

You know who's not a fan of the cold? My toes. This is rather unfortunate because my toes, apparently, take the brunt of the cold air. Seriously, my right foot has felt cold for about six weeks straight. Sure, some of that might be do to my, ahem, avoirdupois causing some poor circulation, but I think the bigger part is that I've worn my socks down to what can, at best, be described as "threadbare".

So, I've had to take desperate measures. That's right, I'm doubling up my socks, folks. Now, instead of the standard one pair, I'm soiling two pairs a day. And still, I'm feeling a bit chilly down in the wine cellar of my soul. I've even got on my slippers--ah, wait, I'm sorry. My house shoes. I am in the South, after all.

Still, while I'm looking at this weekend's forecast and thinking "highs in the 50s? Fuck a duck", I've got ten little piddies who are practically jumping for joy. Oh look, right now, they're dancing! Oh, how happy they must be for warmer temperatures.

It's either that, or they've been exposed to some kind of neurotoxin in the lab.

27 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

We might get highs in the 50's here, too.

Totally breaking out my man-thong.

I'll send you pictures.

Again.

mo.stoneskin said...

Is this your way of saying that you hate me?

*grapples with insecurities*

Fair enough.

Bet you hate cling-film as much as I do. That brings out the rude words more than anything else.

Scope said...

I can't remember exactly when your backgound went AWOL. I think early December, if that helps you think of what you added that may be missing an "(/p)" or something. (Sorry, I cant use the real symbols, it's bitch'n at me about bad HTML.)

And we may get above freezing for the first time since Christmas, so my toes are happy too.

Ed Adams said...

They say 50's are the NEW 40's.

GregoryJ said...

Is that first photo showing a new kind of jack? Pump the leg and the car goes up?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Moooooog35: Give me fair warning before you send them, please. I need to stock up on paper towels.

@ Mo: No, mo, I <3 you. That's the ULTIMATE internet compliment, right?

@ Scope: What??? It's been effed since DECEMBER??? Son of a... Well, I guess I won't work on the novel tonight, and instead try to right what once went wrong, Sam Beckett style.

Oh Al...

@ Ed: Hmmm, hopefully it will cause the slutty undergrads at UNC and Duke to dress like whores, being that we've warmed all the way up to the 50s.

I'm sorry...let me rephrase...maybe it will cause the slutty undergrads and UNC and Duke to dress MORE like whores. That's better.

@ GregoryJ: Close. I think you rub her belly and she pumps her own leg and then something goes up.

Adam L. said...

If your feet are cold, I'd suggest getting some better socks... perhaps some hiking socks? They're thick and warm and allow one to wear running shoes even when it's below 0 degrees and not feel cold...

I've actually gotten to the point that I only wear hiking/running socks now. If you buy one pair every few weeks/months, in 4 or 5 years you can get as many as you'd get from a bulk pack at Target.

Just saying.

Travis said...

That whole "eff to the you to the sea to the kay" thing had me confused for ten minutes.

I kept going back to it, going "The fuck?"

Then I realized what I was saying. Then I kind of figured it out. Then I think I figured it out.

You're going fishing, aren't you.

Chemgeek said...

COLD!!!! I'll give you cold!!!!

[insert standard trash talk here about how cold it is in MN and how everyone else is soft]

Yeah!!!

Bev said...

Your blog looked fine to me right up until today. Ugh, I hate when shit like this happens and I have to try to pretend to know HTML and all that stuff. Sorry, duder - good luck with aaaaall that.

Oh, and don't even talk to me about the cold, flat-lander! :-P I won't see 50 degree weather here in NH until May.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Adam L: I've thought about that. I used to own a couple of pairs that I'd wear when I'd go hunting with my dad or my brother. They didn't make the move down here because I never thought I'd ever have need of them again.

@ Travis: Um, er, yeah. Actually, my daughter would probably be all fired up to go fishing. Even if it is "cold".

@ Chemgeek: Sure was frigid down there in Puerto Rico, wasn't it? I don't think I've ever not admitted to being softened up by the South. It's just that my feet are cold, that's all.

@ Bev: Yeah, fine, except Moooooog lives up there and he's busting out the manthong. Pardon me if I don't exactly cry you a river. Of course, things would be a touch better if the air conditioning wasn't still blowing in on top of me at work...

I dug through the HTML layout today and couldn't see where things went wonky, so it looks like I have a fun-filled evening of avoiding my family...er...fixing my blog layout...ahead of me tonight.

carissajade said...

I'm really glad your feet are going to be warm. Its like 50 here today and im still freezing my metaphorical balls off. I'm ready for summah!

And i don't think your blog looks too broken, but if it is, and you lose my link on the side bar, I will have to cut you.

Jeney Peney said...

25 degrees?

We call that a heat wave up here, dontcha know!

Eric said...

It's been so cold here in Dallas, my pool has been frozen over for the past few days because of the stupid device I had to put on it called a Stratum (prevents the pump from running if any people moronic enough to be trapped over *both* drain holes at the bottom of your pool). If you're working that hard at getting stuck on the bottom of a pool, I'd say it was suicide. Seriously, I have icebergs here in Texas.

ps - God, please bring me an army of hot mechanic girls like the one that's working on the vintage BMW on MJenks blogpost.

JenJen said...

I'm totoally breaking outmy thong too, moog.

snowelf said...

I can redo your blog for you if you'd like. It might take me a few days due to stupid life crap and all, but if you'd like me to, I can give it a whirl. Plus, anything to keep me inside and out of this effing cold! >:(

It has been a little different since December, but today it's definitely missing more than it had been...geez... I hope it's not rotting away!! :P

--snow

Wow, that was awkward said...

58 in Denver yesterday!

Gwen said...

You're not fooling ME, jenks. I know you messed up your blog on purpose just to get me to click over from Reader and look at it. It worked.

Wonderful said...

It's so nice here in Denver today. Also, I hope you fix your blog.

Just Another Momma said...

It's in the high 40's here with lots and lots of rain as usual . . . ick

Cora said...

Pfffft! Don't ask me how to fix it, I don't know excrement about excrement when it comes to 'puters. I mean I still can't figure out how I effed up my FB profile pic this morning. WTF????

In other news: it's 60 degrees here today. And it was even sunny earlier. No-one is wearing coats. Ahhhhhh, this has been Seattle's BEST WINTER EVER. Nyah nyah....

;-)

corticoWhat said...

84 degrees in San Diego yesterday (or so my bastard nephew bragged last night). That's Fahrenheit too!

adrienzgirl said...

I am totally stoked for some warmer freakin' weather. We set a damn record in FL. We had freezing temps for like 12 days straight or some such shit.

Margo said...

in an unprecedented move, the local weather people in MB have been just telling it like it is with the cold weather. Then to segue out the weather report the anchorpersons will invariably say something like, "Well that's great news it's going to warm up."

I like the way you refer to your blog as a "she"... like other unpredictables such as sailboats and hurricanes (until recently)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Ummmm, sorry. Really, I couldn't get past the photo on this post.

Serioulsy, I'm still dumbfounded.

Pearl said...

Cold? YOu're cold? Why I oughta...

Come on to Minnesota and we'll sit outside and have a beer. :-)

Pearl

p.s. I don't see anything wrong with your layout...

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